Psychological abuse of man: causes, symptoms, consequences and how to get out

All of us are familiar with what gender violence is, understood as the mistreatment of a man towards a woman, but there is a type of violence that constitutes a silenced reality that is talked about very little and is the mistreatment that men receive by women. women. Men face many obstacles, since when it comes to reporting they do not have access to them resources that women have, are not taken into account in the same way and their reality. Which is why many men also prefer not to talk about what happened when faced with this type of case.
This is a serious and little-discussed topic and it is very important to take it seriously, for this reason, in this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about psychological abuse of man, what are its causes, symptoms, consequences and how to get out of there.

Index

1. What is man abuse called
2. Causes of psychological abuse of men
3. Symptoms of psychological abuse in men
4. Consequences of psychological abuse in men
5. How to get out of abuse as a man
6. How to help a battered man

When we talk about gender violence, the first thing we think is that a man is attacking a woman and this is because at least in Spain, by law, the term gender violence it is used exclusively for female victims. The assaulted men fall into the category of domestic violence, which is a different category and entails a lesser penalty.
Why does this differentiation occur? First, it is important to clarify that violence is defined as: a behavior that causes physical or psychological harm to another being and can be of the type; physical, psychological or emotional. Psychic and sexual abuse are included here. In this article we talk about the different types of violence.

In case of domestic violence directed at men is usually more of the type of psychological or emotional violence, and in this sense the damage is not as palpable and visible as the previous one.

"When talking about psychological abuse, it refers to any physical or verbal behavior, active or passive, that threatens integrity emotional victim in a continuous and systematic process in order to produce intimidation, devaluation, feelings of guilt or suffering" (McAllister, 2000; Villavicencio and Sebastián, 1999).

This fact is not minor and the biggest problem is that we still do not know the impact that damage can have on us. psychological and many times we even normalize behaviors that are not quite right, because we have suffered them in our childhood. By this I mean that there is not much knowledge of what psychological damage is, of the attitudes that compose it, its consequences and what should be done about it in a situation how is.

There are different reasons that can explain why a man could suffer and remain in a dynamic of abuse. Different causes appear as to why he does not leave his wife:

• The learned helplessness, a theory put forward in 1974 by Selligman who argues that when organisms are subjected to situations of uncontrollability show a series of deficits of the motivational, cognitive, physiological and emotional type. When abuse occurs in the partner, behind the abuse there is a deep psychological exhaustion and the victim learns to live in fear, believing that it will be impossible to produce a change. Here you can see more about the Theory of helplessness learned from Seligman.
• Stockholm syndrome, product of a dissociative state, the victim denies the violent phase of the aggressor, at the same time you overvalue the gentle side of her, underestimating her needs and becoming hyper-reactive to needs of the aggressor. In this article we talk in depth about Stockholm syndrome.
• For fear of leaving their children with an irresponsible and abusive woman, she adopts an overprotective attitude.
• For fear of losing their children. The man is at a legal disadvantage in obtaining custody and many times when there is psychological aggression the woman tends to manipulate with the children.
• Shame to assume what happened to the world, fear of being mocked or what they will say.
• Lack of support from family, friends or authorities.
• Denial. There may be a tendency to deny what is happening or to minimize the facts.

It can be very difficult to identify abusive behaviors and unfortunately fall into disguised or normalized abuse. That is why we are going to explain below, in detail, what are typical symptoms of psychological or emotional abuse, so that you can identify, recognize and take charge of weather.

Therefore, the symptoms of psychological abuse in men are:

1. Devaluation: here we find ridicule, disqualification, trivialization, opposition and contempt.
2. Hostility: types of hostile behavior would be reproaches, insults and threats.
3. Indifference: lack of empathy and support, monopolization ...
4. Intimidation: judge, criticize and correct, threatening postures and gestures, destructive behaviors ...
5. Imposition of conduct: orders, deviations, abusive insistence, invasions of privacy, sabotage ...
6. Blame: accusations, gaslighting, denial ...
7. Apparent goodness: manipulation of reality.

In addition to the above, it would be good to classify some symptoms of abuse as these two types:

• Covert Abuse Mechanisms: where we could find the disqualifications, denials, projections, accusations, deny the abuse, negative connotation, threats of physical or emotional abandonment, physical or emotionally.
• Overt mechanisms of abuse: yelling, slights, insults, bad words, orders, criticism, bad humor, denying and withholding affection, ignoring, isolating the victim from family and friends, monitor each other's times, restrict each other's resources, throw objects, hit, slam doors, etc.

Psychological abuse is extremely harmful, since we do not see its effects until later, when it has already caused us significant damage. Some of the consequences that can be triggered by psychological or emotional abuse are:

• Anxiety and stress
• Depression
• Feelings of guilt
• Low self-esteem
• Irritability
• Feeling of emptiness and feelings of loneliness
• Sleep disturbances
• Aggressiveness
• Difficulties in interpersonal relationships
• Retreat
• Somatization

The most important is prevent violence.

This point is key once a man has identified that he is being abused, it is most likely that he connects with many emotions and with the feeling of confusion and of not knowing what measures to take, what to do, who to turn to or how to get out of that situation of abuse.

1. Keep calm. The first thing we advise you is to keep calm and I know that this is a lot to ask, because generally the person who has reached this point is already very overwhelmed and affected. But it is important that you take a deep breath, think things coldly as possible and avoid being impulsive or acting in response to aggression so that you will not regret it later.
2. Leave the place. When you feel that the environment becomes very aggressive and that you can get hooked on violence and respond the same, take a deep breath and try to leave that place and rejoin when you have calmed down.
3. Stop having contact. To get out of the situation of abuse it is necessary to break with the dynamics that is generated with the abuser and for that it is necessary to stop having contact, at least in a phase initial and that is not an easy task since many things are involved that make the person victim of this situation remain there and perpetuate the situation of abuse.
4. Ask for help. The most advisable thing is that you ask for help. To this end, the Spanish government together with the Ministry of Equality provide a telephone advisory service and help to those who have been attacked. If you feel confused, lost and do not know what to do, you can call and tell them what is happening to you so that you can clear up your doubts and know what you can do next. You can call 016, contact by WhatsApp at 600 000 016 or write to email [email protected].
5. Talk to a trusted person. Try to tell a trusted friend or family member what is happening to you and, if that possibility is not perceived as viable, contact some therapist or psychiatrist so that you have someone to unload with and help you to think things coldly, to take better decisions, to get the tools you need to leave that situation or to identify what is holding you back in that situation dynamic.

The person attacked is so invaded by his emotions and prey to them, that it will probably be difficult for him to take the reins of the matter. If you are an external person and you are seeing that your friend, family member or acquaintance is suffering psychological, physical or emotional abuse, we recommend the following to help you

• Contact the municipal help service.
• Ask legal advice with a lawyer expert in male abuse, who will advise you and clarify doubts in practical terms and in a realistic way
• Contact an expert psychologist or psychiatristmistreatment, who will serve to help, contain, clearly identify the problem and the things that keep it there, provide the necessary tools to get out of there, will request help for the affected person, if necessary, it may issue a subsequent report that records the psychological damage generated so far and will help them overcome the situation.
• Listen to him and contain him. Avoid making judgments or reproaches. What a battered person needs the least is any other situation that makes them feel battered or exposed. What he needs most is affection, support, unconditional support and someone to help him collect his thoughts to act and get out of his situation.

In this article we talk about how to help a battered person.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Psychological abuse of man: causes, symptoms, consequences and how to get out, we recommend that you enter our category of Social psychology.

• Blasquez M. Moreno J. García-Bahamonte M. (2010)Theoretical review of psychological abuse in conjugal violence. Psychology and health. Vol 20: Mexico
• Hundek L. (2010). Domestic violence man versus battered women in the city of Barranquilla. American Thought Magazine: Colombia
• Ministry of Equality, Government of Spain. Attention to victims of gender violence.