During childhood, the figure of parents is very important and vital for children. Throughout the different stages of development, they need support, affection, and encouragement. protection of their parents, since they are the people closest to them, both physically and emotionally.
However, it may happen that parents are not available to them emotionally, it is That is, they do not know or do not want to meet the needs of affection that their sons and daughters they demand. In this case, we would be talking about fathers and / or mothers absent during the process of raising their children, and that they have suffered a lack of family affection. This absence can cause different consequences in the children, many of them serious, that can affect their future, the way in which they relate to the world and to other people and could even determine their behaviors and behaviors as parents and / or mothers.
In this Psychology-Online article, we will explain the reason for the lack of family affection, its consequences and how to overcome it.
There are different explanations of why there are certain fathers and mothers who do not show signs of affection to their sons and daughters, below, we will show you some of these reasons:
- Lack of selfesteem in them: having a negative view of yourself and being unable to love yourself can cause many difficulties to love or show love to other people, in this case, to children. In addition, these are often a great source of frustrations for parents.
- Perception of children as a burden: consider that the process of raising children and babies involves many responsibilities and a very heavy workload important and heavy, which causes them to disregard these responsibilities or not cover all their needs, such as of affection.
- Similar family history: Often when parents react in this way it is because during their childhood they did not receive any signs of affection and affection from their parents either. In this way, this relationship pattern and these dynamics tend to repeat from generation to generation if there is no awareness of this problem and a willingness to change.
- Problematic and disruptive behaviors in children: they do that, according to the tools that parents have to manage and cope with these behaviors, may affect the way they relate to each other, with a lack of affection in some cases.
As mentioned above, the consequences of the lack of family affection can be different, some very serious and with great effects on the life of the person, sometimes causing the development of maturation disorders, As the affective deficiency syndrome, which appears when there is a lack of affective stimulation.
Next, we will detail some of the possible consequences of lack of family affection:
- Little empathy: the fact of not having had healthy close relationships, that have not been able to empathize with you or had an interest in you, can cause that, in a future, you have difficulties when it comes to putting yourself in the place of the other and feeling or identifying the emotions and needs of those around you.
- False perception of what affection is: as these people have not lived or experienced correct and healthy displays of love and affection, any type of relationship consider it as love and can interpret violent or sexual situations, such as normal.
- Difficulty expressing and controlling your emotions: the task of parents to teach how to identify, manage and express their children's emotions correctly, is very important already that, if it is not worked on or given the importance it deserves, children can express different problems and disruptive behaviors in a future.
- Inappropriate Reactions to Conflict: not having had a teaching in relation to how to react in the best way to a conflict or a problem, causes that, in the future, these people tend not to know how to face or solve a his problem. It is for this reason that they often adopt childish behaviors that are not very adaptive for their age.
- Isolation behaviors: they can have these behaviors often since, having received little affection and situations of rejection, the reaction of isolating themselves from this situation causes them less repercussions and they enter a world that is left out of what is happening in the reality.
- Low self-esteem: as they are children who from their earliest ages have not received constant and healthy affection or love, it directly and negatively affects their self-esteem. These people may come to think that, in the future, they will never be able to receive love or that there will be no one who loves them.
- Attention deficit: attention is one of the first characteristics of people who are affected by having a problem or personal conflict. The fact of not receiving affection or love from the parents or any member of them, can negatively influence care, causing different difficulties in this process.
- General mistrust: not having had someone close to trust during childhood, it can cause the person to have difficulties in trusting other people and even himself / herself. It is for this reason that this distrust can trigger problems in the interaction with other people in the future.
- Lack of social skills: As the interactions and relationship dynamics between parents and children are often damaged and tend to be negative, children can have difficulties in understanding social relationships and putting them into practice, as it is what they have seen and what they have been taught since little ones.
- Fear of abandonment: having not had a healthy attachment during their childhood, where they have felt safe and confident that their parents they will not leave them, the fear of being abandoned in the future by their partners, friends, family, etc.
- Fear to fail: as there is a low basic self-esteem, these people will tend to not value themselves enough and not to be of the all capable of facing the challenges that life poses, for fear of criticism, feeling rejected and fail.
Next, we propose different recommendations to overcome the lack of paternal or maternal love:
- Don't blame themAlthough you believe that they have had and must take full responsibility for their actions during the parenting process, we should not blame them. We have to think that they have done everything they could and, surely, they have done the best they could in terms of of their possibilities, since they have not experienced or taught them to act as parents in a healthier way or healthy.
- Put it on your side: to overcome and heal the wounds that this situation has left you, you have to make an effort, that is, you already know how your parents are and their dynamics of relationship and it is highly unlikely that these will vary over time, so take small actions to maintain contact and to have a better relationship.
- Think about how you want to be in the futureBeing clear about how you want to educate your children and what values you want to transmit to them is a good way to overcome the consequences that lack of love has caused. Not wanting to follow the same patterns that your parents followed with you, when you have a son or daughter, is a very big step towards better well-being and personal satisfaction.
- Talk to them assertively: so that they see and can learn that there are other types and methods of communication that are healthier, more comfortable and that involve less conflict.
- Contact a psychology professional: If you think you need a little more help with this issue, do not hesitate to contact a professional health, preferably psychology, to help you have more tools to overcome this situation.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
