Communication is so important that it can build or break a relationship, is critical to success, and instantly reflects self-esteem to listeners.
Assertive communication requires respect, projects trust and inspires influence. It is a respectful, direct, honest, open, non-threatening and non-defensive style of communication. He is not demanding, aggressive or manipulative. Communication is learned and with practice you can learn to communicate assertively, which will raise your self-esteem, self-confidence and improve your relationships and professional performance. In this Psychology-Online article we explain with examples the types of assertive communication, as well as the importance of assertive communication both in the family and at work
There are 4 main types of communication:
Passive communication
is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern to avoid expressing your opinions or feelings, protect your rights, and identify and meet your needs. Passive communication often arises from low self-esteem. These individuals believe, "I'm not worth taking care of."
As a result, passive people do not respond openly to painful or anger-provoking situations. Instead, they allow complaints and annoyances to accumulate, usually without realizing that accumulation. But once they have reached their tolerance threshold for unacceptable, usually high behavior, are prone to explosive outbursts, which are generally disproportionate to the triggering incident. However, after the outbreak, they feel shame, guilt, and confusion, so they become passive again.
The impact of a passive communication pattern is that these people often:
- They feel anxious because life seems to be out of their control
- They feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless
- They feel resentful (but are not aware of it) because their needs are not being met
- They feel confused because they ignore their own feelings
- They are unable to mature because real problems are never addressed, they often have problems with emotional immaturity.
Aggressive Communication
It is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Therefore, aggressive communicators are verbally and / or physically abusive. Aggressive communication stems from low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and / or emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of helplessness.
The impact of an aggressive communication pattern is that a person with aggressive communication tends to:
- generate fear and hatred in others
- They always blame others instead of owning their problems and therefore are unable to mature
Passive-aggressive communication
It is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface, but are actually acting in anger in a subtle way or indirect.
People who develop a passive-aggressive communication pattern generally feel powerless, stuck and resentful - in other words, they feel unable to deal directly with the reason for their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments. They smile at you while setting traps around you.
The impact of a passive-aggressive communication pattern is that:
- They withdraw from those around them
- They remain trapped in a position of helplessness
They discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed, so they cannot mature.
Assertive communication
Faced with these types of communication, assertive communication is a style in which people clearly express their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of the rest. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional and physical needs. They also have a high level of self-acceptance and self-respect.
The impact of an assertive communication pattern is often:
- Create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature
- Feel connected with others
- They feel like they are in control of their lives
- They are capable of maturing because they address issues and problems as they arise
In order to give a correct example of assertive communication, we are going to imagine an imaginary situation in which a dialogue is established.
Let's say, for example, that our partner has not done the laundry even though we have repeated it several times. How would we solve it from the assertive communication?
- If we get angry, yell at our partner and get carried away by anger, we will be communicating in a way aggressive
- If we don't say anything out of fear and let this happen again, our communication it will be rather passive.
- On the other hand, if we don't say anything to him but intend to hurt him with our silence, we will be using a passive-aggressive communicative style.
- Finally, if we communicate to you how we feel and we comment on the importance of teamwork, we will be using assertive communication. To put an example of dialogue, we could say the following:
"Look, I would like you to do the laundry and I see that you have not done it all week, this saddens me because to maintain a clean coexistence we must work as a team, I understand that you are very busy but I would be very happy if you made this effort"
A healthy communication style, as the assertive, plays an important role in making your workplace not only effective but also a nice place to be, as we spend much of our time in the job.
Being a good communicator can help you build confidence, help resolve differences and create an environment of respect that promotes problem solving and relationship building. In other words, it is important to communicate in a way that you can clearly assert your needs and wants, while still considering the rights and needs of others. Using the assertive communication at work can help you follow these dynamics:
- Communicate your ideas, concerns, and wishes.
- Try to be more clear about what awaits you.
- Take control of your workload.
- Earn the respect of others.
- Try to keep your needs and wants satisfied.
- Ask what you want.
- Say no when appropriate
No one is born assertive. Rather, it is a skill that must be learned and cultivated. Assertiveness is a skill worth learning because it helps us communicate more effectively and minimize the number of stressful situations we have to deal with in life.
It is important that we use this type of communication in all areas of our life and fundamentally in the family that is our vital nucleus. It is essential that family communication is effective and it is essential because it is where we learn from a young age how to communicate.
We can use the following strategies in situations that require resolve a conflict assertively, and a good time to practicing them is with the family:
- First stop. Interrupt the initial impulse of anger so that you can think of a more helpful response.
- Regroup. Take a deep breath and use a task or something that is relaxing for you. Take 'down time' if necessary - minutes, hours, days - whatever it takes. Don't respond until you are calmer. Once you are calm, try to identify the things that have triggered your anger so that you can defuse it. Anger will distort rather than clarify the appropriate response.
- Communicate. Respond to the person who made you angry. Do this in a calm manner that shows that you will defend yourself if necessary, but that you will not go out of your way to attack unnecessarily. If possible and appropriate, talk about how what has been said affected you. Talk about your feelings - how it has affected you, instead of making accusations. Talking from your own experience is unlikely to make the person you are speaking with defensive, and is more likely to get your message across clearly.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
