Even the most seemingly established and happy families at some point in their family life have to deal with problems in their relationships. A conflict can occur when family members have different opinions or beliefs. on various topics, other times it can be caused by misunderstandings that lead to conclusions wrong.
When these conflicts are not resolved properly it can lead to arguments and resentments, even family breakdown. In this Psychology-Online article we show you how to solve a family conflict Correctly.
Some family conflicts can be caused by:
Trust issues
Lack of trust in family relationships can lead to relationship problems. Without trust, the relationship loses its security. This can lead to harmful behaviors such as feelings of mistrust or possession, and the relationship is not supportive.
Different expectations
Often problems in families appear when one of the members has long-term expectations different terms from those of the others, particularly in terms of professional career, family wishes, etc.
Change of circumstances
As a family it is difficult for all members to evolve at the same time. That is why the family needs to readjust at each stage. However, in some cases these mismatches can lead to conflicts.
Bad communication
Ironically, although today we can be more communicated than before, people communicate in a worse way. The success of a family resides, among other things, in a efficient communication. Good communication does not have to be continuous every day about trivialities, but it must be about a real interaction expressing feelings, wishes and fears
When we need to get rid of negative emotions, negotiators metaphorically suggest that we go to the balcony and look at the conflict with some detachment. Easier said than done. But here we will show you a three-step strategy that will allow you to distance yourself from the problem and gain a bit of clarity so that you can resolve a family conflict.
Your own perspective
This step requires a high degree of self-awareness and self-awareness. This is accomplished by asking yourself what really matters to you.
¿what pain are you trying to avoid? What are you protecting yourself from? What needs are you trying to satisfy? Do you feel safe? Are you trying to connect with others or do you feel connected to yourself?
You should try to clarify what the conflict really means to you or what the conflict really is within you.
In fact, chances are that while the fight is about a specific topic, you are actually looking for something that is on a deeper level. So the important thing is to find out what that is by an exercise in introspection.
The perspective of the other
This step is essential. Requires that have empathy and that through that empathy you reach a greater understanding of what is happening.
You must put yourself in the shoes of others. For a moment, put your own judgment aside and do what is most appropriate to see the situation you are facing from the other's perspective.
What could be influencing the other's position? What experiences shape your thinking? What happens in your life? What needs are you meeting with a particular behavior? Are you looking for attention, love, etc? Ultimately, what is the intention of the other party?
You must go further and ask yourself: how can others interpret my words and behaviors? What can I do differently to meet the underlying needs of others and meet my own at the same time?
When you combine the "insights" you combine your perspective and that of others, to achieve a greater understanding of the conflict and the ways to resolve it.
The perspective of the third part
Often times, someone outside the conflict can offer us a fresh perspective on the problem we are trying to solve. In this step, you must place yourself in the position of the third party observing the situation in which you are involved.
So imagine that you are sitting in the cinema, watching your conflict projected on the screen as if it were a movie. And you must remain in the viewer's perspective. What can you say about the behaviors of the characters in the film? What advice could you give as an uninvolved party to the conflict?
Therefore, this strategy allows you to see the conflict from three perspectives, causing you to distance yourself. emotional problem, gain greater insights and can achieve a greater understanding of the conflict and more deep. Therefore, this strategy empowers you to resolve the conflict assertively.
While it is true that each family is unique, often the relational problems that families have to face are similar, therefore, other tips to know how to resolve a family conflict are as follows:
Negotiate
Some suggestions include:
- Solve the problem if you think it is worth doing
- Try to differentiate or separate the person from the problem
- If you are very angry try calm down before acting
- You must bear in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict and you do not win an argument
- Remember that the other party is not obliged to always agree with you on everything
Define the problem
- Respect the point of view of the other person paying attention and listening
- Speak clearly and reasonably
- Try to find Points in common
- Agree to disagree
Try to listen
- Try to be calmed down
- Try to put your emotions aside
- Don't interrupt the other person while they are talking
- Listen actively to the others
- Make sure you understand what the other person is saying, if necessary ask
- Communicate your vision of the problem in a clear and honest way
- Resist the urge to fix the problem quickly and take your time
Work as a team
- To contribute the greatest amount of possible solutions
- Commit yourself
- Make sure that each of you understand the chosen solution
- Once the solution is decided, you must respect it and adhere to it
- Make a contract, if necessary
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
