How to HELP an ABUSED WOMAN?

The mistreatment of women is a very cruel form of violence that, unfortunately, continues to exist in our society. As a society we have different responsibilities regarding this issue and we must not only educate with conscience but it is also in our hands the possibility of lend help to all those women who have been abused.

To do this, as it is a sensitive issue, it is necessary to be properly informed about how to do the best possible without creating sequels or double victimizations. In this Psychology-Online article we will address the subject in depth and we will know how to help a battered woman. We will see what are the consequences of an abused woman, how to help her psychologically and physically, what to do If you do not want to report, how to open your eyes and how to start a relationship with a woman who has suffered abuse. We hope this article helps you.

Index

1. Aftermath of an abused woman
2. How to help a psychologically abused woman?
3. How to help a physically abused woman?
4. How to help an abused woman who does not want to report?
5. How to open the eyes of a battered woman?
6. How to start a relationship with a battered woman?
7. What to study to work with battered women?

The sequelae can be of a different nature:

Psychological sequelae

• Anxiety: The repeated and intermittent violence interspersed with moments of tenderness and affection create a lot of anxiety in the woman as well as continuous alert and tension responses.
• Depression, loss of self-esteem, and feelings of guilt: when the woman is immersed in the cycle of violence, she believes that the behavior of the person who abuses her is her responsibility and she depends on her own way of behaving. This creates a lot of guilt and depression as she constantly tries to be okay and everything fails.
• Social isolation: the social shame and the limits that the abuser imposes on the woman creates quite a strong social isolation.
• Psychosomatic disorders: chronic abuse causes different psychosomatic disorders in the victim such as hair loss, headaches, menstrual disorders... permanently. It is common for them to visit the doctor for such consultations without talking about the true cause of the problem.
• Sexual disorders: If a woman lives aggressive situations in sex, it is normal that she ends up creating an aversion to it and even ends up developing some type of sexual dysfunction.

Physical sequelae

Ruptuousness, bruises... All kinds of injuries derived from abuse and especially those related to gynecological disorders.

Sexual sequelae

Sexual disorders: various studies indicate that the majority of battered women have problems in your sex life and some even do not want to have sex again. In addition, when assaults occur in sexual life within marriage, sexual dysfunctions such as anorgasmia or the vaginismus (contraction of the muscles that prevents penetration).

Economic consequences

The majority of women who suffer abuse are later forced to live with their families or rent, rebuild your life in terms of the economic and emancipatory environment, it is at first very hard. The loss of working life it also influences the economic.

Social aftermath

The same mistreatment can generate shame effects on the victim as well as the abuser himself can seek to distance her from her social group. Normally, when they break up, battered women often find support in their closest group, which is family or trusted friends.

Work life is also influenced, as most women end up leaving their jobs because their husband forces them or for different reasons.

What the victim's environment can do to help the woman overcome the situation of psychological abuse and alleviate possible future effects is very and very important. Isolation is a serious risk factor for battered women, the aggressor will try to isolate her and separate her from her family and friends to increase your dependency to him. This should be avoided as much as possible. How to help her and avoid this isolation? Following the following indications:

1. Tuck her up.
2. Call her on the phone.
3. Serve her.
4. Be very present.
5. Create a "network" of friends and close family, taking turns to be in constant contact.
6. Don't be angry or offended if she shows annoyance over the calls. Let someone else on the network make the next call.
7. Do not allow the aggressor to isolate her, increasing the vulnerability of the woman, favoring situations of domination and submission.

Remember that death threats, coercion, and in general, the psychological violence she is punishable by law and therefore, family, friends or neighbors who know about this situation can report it to the police if they deem it appropriate. Something that goes very well to know how to act, whether to report or not, is to ask yourself: Do you think it is okay to report the incident if the perpetrator is an unknown person? If the answer is yes, report.

The fact that the person committing the violence is known is an aggravating factor for the defenselessness of the victim, not a mitigating factor for her impunity.

If the one who calls you for help is the victim, we will proceed as follows:

1. The first thing is to ask where is it located her.
2. The second thing is to stay calm and while you stay on the phone with her another trusted person will be I came to look for it.
3. If necessary notify the emergency service, do it for another phone. Don't leave her alone.

The way to help a physically abused woman is similar to the way to help a psychologically abused woman. both at the same time) but taking into account that she may have injuries that need hospital care and that her life may run special risk. If the damage is serious and you ask for your help or you just see it, it is important to take her to the emergency room, that they care for and recognize her and that doctors do her work in a relevant way to help her.

If you yourself identify physical signs of abuse such as bruises, breaks ...:

1. Try to speak with someone close to your friend group or support network who can corroborate or disprove what you are observing.
2. Go to the Necessary and specialized Assistance Services in dealing with gender violence to receive the necessary information and know how to help her in a concrete way.

First of all, we must identify the abused woman. These are ten tips from the hand of Dr. Conde to identify when we are facing a case of abuse:

• People who do not usually express their needs, always giving in to what the couple asks for.
• They are submissive to her partner when we observe them and change their way of acting when the partner is in front of them to when they are alone.
• They do not make decisions if they do not have the consent of their partner.
• When discovering a bruise or injury, they show some kind of excuse: "I have fallen", "I am very clueless", "I have hit the door"... They try to change the subject and this situation happens often.
• They present depressive, anxious and physical symptoms due to the stress that they experience on a daily basis.
• Low social network of interactions. Stop participating in social activities.
• If we talk about the behavior that his partner shows, he usually justifies it.
• You can have sleep problems, change eating patterns, gain or lose weight.
• It may have moved away from the family nucleus.
• You may have changed the way you dress or not interact with men, especially if your partner is in front of you.

Second, we must know what the cycle of this violence is like to understand why some battered women do not want to report or find it difficult to get out of the situation. When many advertising campaigns incite and emphasize women to report, they forget something very important: it is not easy to get out of a situation of abuse per se and less in small municipalities, rural areas or places where prejudices are strong, family values ​​collide with what happens and breaking the abuse process becomes even more hard. This must be taken into account to help the woman in the appropriate way.

The cycle of violence

Outbreak of violence> Honeymoon> Tension build-up and again, start over.

Initially, the victim believes that she will be able to control the violence since it is usually less frequent and serious, often taking the form of emotional abuse: disqualifications, humiliations... The woman will try to accommodate the aggressor so as not to be attacked and remain aware of her gestures, of which she irritates him. her thus forgetting herself. It is usually during this period that the woman begins to isolate herself, often to avoid arguments.

Most offenders combine aggressive behaviors with loving, complacent periods that seek to convince the victim that these violent situations are not going to happen again. It is known as Honeymoon within the cycle of violence. This is called double facade since it makes the victim believe that he is a man truly in love, deep down.

In the most advanced phase of the abuse, the aggressor threat to victim with very serious violent acts if she is she dares to abandon him. Here the children can be immersed, if they exist, the threat of suicide from the aggressor himself who will seek to blame her ...

How to help her if she doesn't want to report it?

Once we know the cycle of violence and we can understand what happens in a situation of abuse and why it is difficult to report and get out of it we ask ourselves, what can we do?

First of all it is important to listen to her, to stay in her circle of support, not to leave her alone. You have to get involved, talk to more people around you to see if they have seen the same thing too. Ideally, they should ask for help from a specialized center on their specific case so that they can be informed of how to act, what to do... You must not be aggressive towards the woman or grossly incite them to report, they need to understand what is happening and not all of them realize it at first. It is best to make them see that:

• Insults and disqualifications are mistreatment
• Jealousy is not love
• Control is not love
• Abuse and hitting are not common ways to solve problems in a couple.

If by herself she does not decide to report and the situation is complicated, you should take the appropriate measures by experts that you consult to denounce yourselves in a way that does not endanger the life of the woman mistreated. It is a delicate problem that cannot be done in any way because in many cases, she and her children - if any - are in grave danger. It is important that you do not wait to see marks on his body, or that you yourself believe that she is exaggerating. She is probably noticing the beginning of something that can become much more serious.

Dialogue, good communication and not abandon it. Again, make him see that control, jealousy and abuse are not love. It is important to dialogue with the woman without being aggressive, make her see that what she is experiencing is not normal and above all that you are by her side to help her out of this situation. If at last, she decides to tell it or realizes what happens:

1. Ask her how she thinks you can help her.
2. Make sure you know if there is someone else who knows the situation.
3. Get in touch with this person / s and exchange their views.
4. Make this person / s part of the "fabric" in the support and containment network.
5. Explain what you know about the subject and its risks, offer explanatory material and the possibility of consulting a specialized service near your home if they need it.
6. Try to unify criteria and positions regarding what happened or is happening and how to act.

Starting a relationship with an abused woman is difficult and requires a lot of patience and empathy. Many of them feel suspicious and reluctant especially to sexual issues. Often, in gender violence, sex is for them suffering and they feel coerced and used to achieve the ends of the abuser. The shock can be so great for them that they completely forget the love motive for which two people can have sex and see it as an expression of dominance, power, blackmail...

Is it possible to break that blockage? Is it possible for a battered woman to trust a man again? As we have said before, patience and years are required because the first thing that must be rebuilt is the woman's identity, without it, it will be difficult to start a healthy relationship. You have to work on the women's self-esteem, in his decision-making capacity, in short, in his safety. The time that this process may take is relative and will depend on each woman and each circumstance. The best thing anyone can do during this process is do not force her to anything and simply stay by his side and be his support while she rebuilds.

The university careers that you can develop to later work with women who have suffered Gender-based violence are the following (the one you choose will depend on the perspective from which you want to work with them):

• Psychology
• Criminology
• Social work
• Right
• Medicine

There are also some master's degrees and cycles with which you can introduce yourself to the subject of gender violence in order to become a good professional.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to help a battered woman?, we recommend that you enter our category of Social psychology.

• Commission for the investigation of Bad Treatment to Women. What do I do if my daughter has been abused?. Recovered from: http://www.mujeresenred.net/IMG/pdf/guiapadresymadres.pdf
• Garcia, P. & Domínguez, J.M. & García, C. Abuse: consequences on the health of women. University of Huelva. Recovered from: https://www.uma.es/departamento-de-psicologia-social-trabajo-social-antropologia-social-y-estudios-de-asia-oriental/navegador_de_ficheros/psicologia-social/descargar/psicologia-social/docs/patricia_garcia_leiva/maltrato.pdf
• Zubizarreta, I. (2004). Psychological consequences of domestic abuse in women and their children. ZUTITU Clinical Psychology. Recovered from: https://www.euskadi.eus/contenidos/informacion/proyecto_nahiko_formacion/es_def/adjuntos/2004.03.17.irene.zubirreta.pdf