How to overcome insecurity it is a sensitive issue for those affected by this problem. These are people with great difficulties in coping with a set of social situations due to the anxiety that it generates, which can lead to a great deterioration in their personal, work and Social. Offering them tools to overcome their insecurity will allow them to break down their barriers and obstacles, gradually regaining balance in their life.
In the following Psychology-Online article we will talk about what insecurity is, its causes and the different ways to face and overcome different daily situations.
The emotional insecurity constitutes a personality trait through which the person feels anxiety in social situations due to internal beliefs of devaluation of himself. Insecure people are people who continually evaluate and judge their behavior and believe that others act the same way. This is the reason why each of their actions in front of other people causes them great anxiety to interpret that they will be judged and evaluated negatively.
Insecure people are usually people with a low self-esteem, main cause of the continuous devaluation that they do about themselves and that, at the same time, becomes a consequence of this insecurity: as they believe they are not valid (low self-esteem), they do not take actions or they perform them in an insecure way and clumsy. The results of their actions are not usually encouraging, which re-affirms them in their negative self-assessment.
Insecure people are not fearful, if we understand fear as anxiety in the face of some external stimulus / danger. They do not feel this kind of fear, they feel incapable, invalid. In any case, they are afraid of the evaluation that others can make of them, they feel "social fear".
Symptoms
The most characteristic symptoms of insecure people are:
- Low self-esteem
- Pessimism
- Hopelessness
- Low motivation for life
- Not sociable
- Passives
- Rational
- Low emotional expressiveness
- Undecided
- Complexes
- Jealousy
- They may have suicidal ideas and attempts when they feel in an extreme situation
The main cause of emotional insecurity is given by the type of attachment established with the father figures during the earliest childhood. According to "Attachment theory" of Bowlby, Davies and Cummings (1994) in this period the level of emotional security of the child is constituted and developed from the relationships they have with their parents, the kind of attention and care they receive from them and the context of the marriage relationship. Based on this, your ability to emotional self-regulation, their motivation to intervene in stressful situations and internal mental representations about their parents, about themselves and about their social environment.
In this way, people with secure attachment, thanks to the continued experience of positive interactions with their caregivers, tend to perceive themselves as themselves as deserving of affection, maintaining a positive and confident vital attitude that facilitates their adaptation, development and social interaction. On the contrary, people with an insecure attachment (includes all other types of attachment) leads to worse psychological adjustments, with people being more prone to developing emotional problems or psychological pathologies due to their negative self-representations, their ineffective emotional regulation and their elusive and defensive attitude towards relationships social.
On this basis the rest of life experiences will be based, usually confirming internalized beliefs, both of security and insecurity. Detecting insecurity problems in a child allows to intervene much more effectively than if said treatment is carried out already in adult life. But nevertheless, change is always possible through deep therapeutic work.
Next we will see how to overcome insecurity with tips, guidelines and examples applied to everyday situations in which insecurity is manifested: in the social context, with the partner and in the job.
1. Introspection
To overcome insecurity in oneself it is necessary to carry out a hard work of introspection that allows us discover the causes that originated that insecurity, what beliefs we internalize from there on ourselves, on others and on the world and replace these false ideas with those that reflect our most positive reality and our true potential.
2. Strengths awareness
To overcome insecurity at work, for example, it can be a great help that we do a list of things we do well and of those that generate insecurity (these will be related to interpersonal relationships). Once the list is made, we can strengthen our self-esteem by performing those tasks that we perform efficiently, making ourselves aware of this and praising ourselves for it. Concentrating on these tasks will allow us to have moments of satisfaction at work and reduce anxiety at times when insecurity arises.
3. Breathing and relaxation
With regard to the tasks that generate insecurity, we can adopt different strategies such as performing breathing and relaxation exercises before performing them. Learning breathing and relaxation techniques is important since insecurity generates anxiety and this alters our breathing and our whole organism, distorting more, with it, our perception of the reality.
4. Display
Another tool that helps overcome insecurity is visualization. Visualize at home, when we are calm, these situations and how we want them to occur. We can also do it in front of a mirror. Here you will find more information about the visualization technique.
5. Ask for help
Ask for help, advice, even accompaniment from a trusted person at work to help us cope with the situation. This will reduce social fear by increasing trust in people and the gratification of asking for help. Also ask for help from friends and family to relieve or cope with situations in which insecurity occurs.
6. Sincerity
To combat insecurity in your partner, it is important to be honest with her and express our fears and insecurities. However, it is not recommended that this be repeated continuously as it can exhaust the couple. Although it is very difficult to cope with these difficulties, and overcoming them can take a long time, it is important to stay in the battle without drowning our partner. Of course, we can lean on it and ask for help but the main and continuous coping work has to be done by the affected person.
7. Observe and question beliefs
Childhood beliefs are very difficult to undo as they are strongly anchored in our unconscious regulating our behavior. Even when we make them conscious, they are hardly creditable. That is why insecure people tend to be suspicious of arguments that deny their beliefs. However, and I insist, although it is extremely complicated, it is about establishing an internal fight of ourselves against all those false beliefs that they are not allowing us to live in peace. Our enemy is not outside but inside us. In this way, sometimes it will be more convenient to follow the advice of another person rather than that of our own mind. Over time, we will be able to replace these mental structures with more realistic and respectful ones with ourselves.
If the insecure person loses himself in front of her partner and feels that he is not good enough for her, it is important that he strive to disprove all these irrational beliefs and begin to observe and write down all those things that "yes" does well for herself. Making our positive aspects aware, although it may cost at first, will serve to highlight the falsehood of our childhood beliefs and will allow us to gradually modify the image of ourselves themselves.
To combat social insecurity we recommend the same cognitive restructuring work. Herein lies the fundamental work since it is our internal beliefs that are causing our insecurity and, with it, conditioning our lives.
8. Work jealousy
With regard to jealousy, it is important that the insecure person make an effort, even if it costs, to question each and every jealous thought. Let him take a deep breath for a count of 10 before addressing his partner, disturbed by some jealous thought. Ask for the opinion of close friends to help you contrast and disprove your ideas. In a very high percentage, the thoughts of jealous people are uncertain and unfounded. In this article we explain why jealousy occurs and how to eliminate it.
9. Little challenges
Propose small challenges to face those situations that cause us insecurity and, as we overcome them, will increase our self-esteem and confidence personal. Here you can see others exercises and techniques to improve self-esteem.
10. Self care
The most important tip to overcome insecurity is to practice self-care. Rest, dedicate time to leisure, take care of food and, especially, perform moderate physical exercise It will help us to relax physically and mentally, to be psychologically healthier and feel greater well-being. To do all this work, it is highly advisable go to therapy.
