My boyfriend treats me badly when he gets angry, why and what to do?

When a person feels that your boyfriend treats you badly when he gets angry It is important, above all and as a first step, to ask for help and advice in this regard. We all get angry and can, in some moments of lack of personal control, unjustly attack our partner. However, when this style of personal conflict resolution becomes the norm, it is important to remain vigilant and seek social support to stop this abuse and prevent further abuse.

From Psychology-Online, we will explain below what social, cultural and personal factors favor the situations of abuse in couples, we will clarify what the specific situations of abuse are and we will guide you on the steps and strategies to follow to modify these dysfunctional functions or stop them. You will find information about why he or she treats you bad and what to do when your partner he speaks badly to you.

Index

1. My partner makes me feel bad when he gets angry
2. Lack of respect in the partner: examples
3. Why does my boyfriend treat me badly when he gets angry
4. What to do when your partner disrespects you

The dating violence Among adolescents and young people in recent years, it has unfortunately become a social problem with serious consequences at the individual and social level. In several studies carried out in different countries, it has been proven that abuse, in general (verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, etc.) occurs in kids between 16 and 24 years old in a higher percentage than in other age groups (between 18 and 33%).

There are many cases of young people who affirm "my partner makes me feel bad when he gets angry". This situation would reflect a type of abuse, the psychological one, apparently invisible but with terrible psychological consequences in the victim and that serves as a precedent, in many cases, for the legitimation of other abusive behaviors. Here you can see how to detect psychological abuse in the partner.

The risk factors that serve as a breeding ground for both the aggressor and the victim to end up identifying with these roles derive from the capitalist and patriarchal system today where essentially human needs and values ​​have been replaced by artificialities and deceptions that fill us with frustration and aggressiveness / helplessness and that end up causing situations of discrimination and abuse. The values ​​that feed this type of society and that promote this situation of abuse among the young are:

• The superiority of man about women, who culturally transmit gender stereotypes in an obvious or subtle way (advertising, aesthetic values, gender inequalities in all areas, etc).
• The superiority of the strong over the weak, in cases of mistreatment of men by their partners.
• The invisibility of the importance of motherhood and parenting, from pregnancy to adolescence (through instrumentalized births, negligible maternal leave, no conciliation family and work, early schooling, etc.), as a source of gestation of emotional stability and values humans.
• Rigid and out-of-date educational institutions, that neglect the true emotional and affective needs of children and adolescents, leaving them helpless and without resources in the face of fears, loneliness and frustrations and with weak emotional foundations to carry out his adult life project.
• Socio-economic inequalities, which favor maladaptive and emotionally and psychologically maladjusted family and social functioning.
• Promotion values ​​such as consumerism, immediacy, individualism and self-centeredness in the face of austerity, patience and calm, union and solidarity.

All the aforementioned factors are related to each other, causing unadjusted social interactions and, in the specific case we are dealing with, disrespectful relationships. Some clear examples that show disrespect in the couple are the following:

• Contempt and humiliating treatment
• Teasing, criticism and humiliation
• Verbally, physically or sexually assaulting
• Control, limit and censor
• Lack of empathy and respect
• Lying and hiding relevant aspects
• Lack of loyalty
• Ignore, empty, do not listen or speak
• Blackmail, blame

In the following article you will find the consequences of psychological abuse in the partner.

The reasons why a person can treat her partner badly and, equally, a person leaves treat badly for their partner have, as we mentioned earlier, a very socio-cultural background important. As a result, two types of personality patterns with very particular characteristics that will be possible precursors of generating these situations of abuse.

In the case of the aggressor, these are people with the following characteristics:

• Negative image of themselves, covered by an apparent security
• Lack of impulse control
• Aggressive communicative style
• Rigidity
• Lack of empathy
• Low level of emotional intelligence
• Negative-defensive attitude towards life

Regarding the victim, we would talk about:

• Negative self-image
• Personal devaluation
• Submission and obedience behaviors
• Inhibited or passive communication style
• Conflict resolution by avoidance or inhibition
• Negative-depressive attitude towards life

Although not all cases correspond to these behavioral patterns (neither in victims nor in aggressors), these aspects can serve as a diagnosis of the level of abuse in a couple relationship to, from there, take intervention measures to respect.

What to do if your partner speaks badly to you? Unfortunately, inasmuch as these dysfunctional relationships can be the result of personality structures with emotional deficiencies originally gestated by our social system, many aspects of these interactions are normalized by the members of the couple themselves (aggressor and / or victim) or, even, by their social environment righ now.

However, taking into account the aforementioned aspects of lack of respect in the couple, when these factors occur, it is necessary intervene quickly to change the situation or, in case of not being possible, end the relationship. The most convenient measures to reverse the situation of abuse would be:

1. Become aware of the situation of abuse
2. Seek support social (family and friends), institutional (social services and social protection agents) and professional (psychologists, mediators and professionals in the sector)
3. Do self-care work and personal growth (both in the case of the victim and the aggressor) to restore the lost emotional balance or to create a secure emotional base, nonexistent until now.

Work in the Emotional intelligence development It is used as a prevention tool (and to stop) emotional abuse in a relationship. In this sense, the most important areas to work on would be:

• Intrapersonal: develop self-concept, self-esteem, assertiveness, emotional self-awareness and independence. In the following article you will find how to improve self esteem.
• Interpersonal: work on empathy and interpersonal relationships.
• Adaptability: offer problem-solving strategies and develop an attitude of openness and flexibility in the face of changes and / or frustrations.
• Stress management: work on stress tolerance and impulse control. Here you can see techniques to manage stress.
• Mood and motivation: foster a positive mood and motivated to action.

In fact, while incorporating this type of emotional work in schools is important, it will be essential to continue acting in all the others social spheres that, as we have mentioned before, are a source of food for mistreatment of young people and many other inequalities social. Intervening and changing the root of the problems is the best preventive to avoid their gestation and development.

Finally, remember that there is a toll-free number that offers help to victims of abuse: it is 016.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My boyfriend treats me badly when he gets angry, why and what to do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Intimate partner violence.

• Blazquez Alonso, M., Moreno Manso, J.M. and García-Bahamonde Sánchez, M.E. (2009). Emotional intelligence as an alternative for the prevention of psychological abuse in the couple. Annals of Psychology. Volume 25, nº2, pages 250-260. University of Murcia.
• Fernández de Juan, T. (2014). Sex and gender education vs. the mistreatment in the couple. Scenario on youth violence in Baja California. Department of Cultural Studies. The college of the northern border. Vol. 15. Number 30. Recovered from: http://www.scielo.org.mx/scielo.php? script = sci_arttext & pid = S0187-69612014000200003
• Martínez Gómez, J.A., Vargas Gutierrez, R. and Novoa Gómez, M. (2016). Relationship between dating violence and observation of parental patterns of abuse. Psychology: Advances in Discipline. 10(1), 101-112