Parental alienation syndrome (SAP) is a set of symptoms that children manifest when one of the parents manipulates them sentimentally through various strategies in order to develop a rejection of the other parent without any justification. This normally occurs in separated or divorced couples, some examples of how it occurs can be when the father has another partner and the mother invents his son who no longer loves him as before or when the parent who lives with the son tells him that the other does not want him to go see him when in fact he does. denies. This type of behavior can provoke children, apart from experiencing a great rejection towards the other father, extremely negative feelings and emotions that will not allow him to feel well emotional and psychologically. On some occasions, the manipulative parent completely destroys the child's relationship with the other parent. It is important to reflect on this syndrome, since children are the ones who are harmed the most.
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The alienating parent is considered to be parent who manipulates progressively to their children with the intention of totally destroying the relationship between them and the other parent. Some characteristics or symptoms that the alienating parents have in common are the following:
Psychological symptoms
- They want to be in full control of their children's lives, so they avoid at all costs promoting their individuality and preparing them to make their own decisions and develop their own criteria.
- They are highly dependent people who want to have their children always by their side to satisfy their emotional deficiencies and, thus, be able to control the anxiety that separating from them causes them.
- Have a very low self-esteem and they constantly need the attention of their children to feel valued.
- They are incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of their children and of any person in general. They have little empathy towards others and it seems that everything revolves around them.
- They constantly manipulate their children and others in order to gain control of their children and to harm their ex-partner.
- They try to control the time their children spend with the other parent, since separating from them even for a short time generates a great feeling of anguish and helplessness.
- They avoid as much as possible being evaluated by psychiatry or psychology professionals because they know they will be discovered.
Behavioral symptoms
- They do not keep the other parent up to date on everything related to their children. For example, they stop informing you how they are doing at school, how they are in health, how much they miss them, among other important things.
- They try to prevent the other parent from visiting their children by scheduling activities to keep them busy for as long as possible.
- They avoid as much as possible that their children receive letters, gifts, packages, etc., that the other parent sends them.
- In case the other parent has a partner, they can make up negative things about that person and even tell them that they have already taken a back seat.
- Not only do they manipulate their children, but they also try to manipulate everyone around them like their family and friends to turn the other parent against them.
- They can try to change the names and / or surnames of the children.
- They tend to threaten their children if they express their desire to be with the other parent.
- They blame the other parent for their children's misbehavior.
- They do not take into account the opinion of the other parent when making important decisions in the lives of their children.
- They may throw or destroy the objects that the other parent has given to their children.
When children are constantly being manipulated by the alienating parent into rejection of the alienating parent another, they begin to manifest a series of symptoms that can make it clear that they are suffering from this syndrome. Some of the most common symptoms in children that usually appear are the following:
- An obvious rejection of the other parent appears and they try to avoid any kind of encounter with him.
- They speak negatively about their other parent and may even insult them.
- They are unable to put themselves in the other parent's shoes, even if the other parent shows them how bad it feels to be rejected.
- They tend to use and repeat phrases typical of the alienating parent where the other parent is judged and unjustifiably criticized.
- They can manifest an obvious change in physical and verbal behavior, becoming more aggressive.
- Carry out behaviors where their rejection of the other parent is reflected, which will be rewarded by the alienating parent.
- He is fearful of expressing his desire for contact with the other parent.
It is essential to solve the parental alienation syndrome that parents take awareness of deep damage that they can do to their children, since in most cases they are not aware of the repercussions that this can bring to them in the short and long term.
Sometimes it is necessary turn to professionals so that they act as intermediaries and are in charge of monitoring and ensuring the well-being of the children. However, there are a series of tips and recommendations that should be taken into account when this problem has been identified and a solution is wanted, even if the damage has already been done. Some of these tips and advice for parents are as follows:
- It is necessary that the alienating parent receive help from a professional to heal those emotional wounds that he probably has since childhood.
- Promote the improvement of the relationship between both parents. For this, you can turn to a professional so that they can get along as well as possible and act for the benefit of the children.
- Improve communication with children so that they have the confidence to express what they feel openly and, likewise, help them overcome their fears and resolve their doubts.
- Every time you try to speak ill of your ex-partner, remember the profound damage that this does to your children and avoid doing so.
- Maintain contact with the children, detect and meet their needs.
- Take the children to be evaluated by a psychologist to detect their needs and resolve those internal conflicts generated by the same syndrome.
- Maintain clear and firm the objective of ensuring the physical and psychological well-being of the children.
- Talk to the alienating parent in a peaceful way and insist that they become aware of the harm they are causing their children and remain firm about that the established rules and regulations are carried out such as visits, frequent telephone contact with them, keeping abreast of what is happening to them, etc.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
