One of the biggest concerns of parents and families appears at the same time as lies in children. That a child lies can be due to many reasons, being important to know them in order to take the appropriate measures.
In this Psychology-Online article we want to tell you how to teach a child not to lie, proposing different strategies and tips so that you can apply them at home. We also tell you what to avoid, because sometimes what we do with a very good intention does not have such good results. Do you want to know more about how to deal with lies in children? Stay and read this article to discover practical and useful strategies.
Lying in children can have various reasons. On the one hand it highlights the example they have at home and at school, in this sense it is important to avoid lies at home. Children learn from what they see, that is why it is very important to set a good example, being honest and praising telling the truth even if it is sometimes the most difficult.
A child may also lie due to
Another reason, closely related to the previous point, is that the child has low self-esteem. From it would derive the need for acceptance and efforts to impress others at all costs. In addition, with lying, what many children get is more attention from others, either consciously or unconsciously.
To begin treating lying in children, the first thing that is recommended is to try elucidate the causes of the same, because this way you can find the most suitable solution in each case. To make a child see that he has to avoid lying, we can explain what lying is, since many children do it without knowing that they are not being honest, that is, without intentionality or ignorance. That's why it's important teach them to differentiate between truth and lie, in addition to making him see the consequences of lying.
If, for example, the lies come from an intense fear of being punished, it will be necessary to consider whether the discipline applied to the child is not the most appropriate. Perhaps you are being too strict, not allowing the child to make mistakes or applying harsh punishments on a frequent basis. In this case, educational models based on compression and dialogue, trying to understand the child's motives for lying and being able to eliminate his fear of being reprimanded.
In the event that the little one shows a low level of self-esteem, it is important that this is evaluated by a professional. A psychologist will be able to take care of our child in order to help him. On many occasions, low self-esteem is the product of other underlying problems, which will need to be addressed, and it is advisable to start treating the child as soon as possible. In addition, in the following article you will find several activities to strengthen self-esteem in children.
Additionally, it is vital to be consistent, avoiding lying ourselves, since the child learns from what the reference persons do, if we lie they are more likely to do so. It is also important to explain to them why it is wrong to lie, explaining that doing so has negative consequences for them and others.
Some of the consequences that we can explain to children are, for example, that if others lie they will start to stop trusting them, not believing them, in addition to that this can make you believe a rejection or make you feel bad for being deceiving others. So that they understand, we can try to put them in some illustrative situation like, “imagine that your friend X begins to tell you all the days he can't go riding his bike because he has to go to private lessons, but one day you see him playing ball with others kids. When you ask him why he has done it he tells you that he has lied to you because he wanted to play ball more but he did not want you to get angry, how would you feel? Don't you think it's worse to lie than to say things directly? " Thus, the child can realize how harmful lying can be.
It may also be that the child needs learn social skills to relate to others from assertiveness.
If we detect that a child begins to lie and it is important to take a series of measures as soon as possible. In this sense, there are a series of recommendations that we can follow:
- Try to understand the why of the lies, there may be some problem that needs to be solved that is causing these lies.
- Praise the truth and "ugly" the lie. We should not call them liars, but we should make them see that, although it may be difficult at times, telling the truth is necessary and better for everyone.
- Don't lose your temper, be patient and understanding. It is better to use a dialogue with the little ones, without getting angry or yelling. In this way, the child can be made to understand the reasons why it is not good to lie, without feeling it as an aggression.
- Use techniques that reward honesty and not the lies. Some options are positive reinforcement, rewarding or reinforcing the child when he tells the truth, but without punishment when he lies.
- Avoid being too demanding, punish them harshly or tell them that they have disappointed us, because the child can resort to lies just to make us happy. Neither should there be interrogations, which show mistrust in them and are uncomfortable for both parties. It is better to be understanding and collaborative with them, because that way they feel better and the lies gradually disappear.
In the next article on educate with emotional intelligence You will find other rules to solve problems with children.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
