• Jul 26, 2021
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What is unrequited love

It is said that we do not choose who we fall in love with. That love is something you can't control and that sometimes you like someone and you don't really know why. In cases where the two people attract and like each other, the love is reciprocated, or at least there is a mutual interest in getting to know each other. Unfortunately, this does not always happen.

There are times when you can go crazy for a person and they do not feel the same, or with the same intensity that you do. We are faced with an unrequited love, a situation that is not easy to face. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about what is unrequited love, the phases that a person experiences with unrequited love and how to overcome it.

You may also like: How to forget an unrequited love


  1. Meaning of unrequited love
  2. Phases of unrequited love
  3. What does it feel like to be unrequited
  4. How to get over an unrequited love

Meaning of unrequited love.

Unrequited love is a feeling of romantic love from one person to another, but that feeling is not reciprocal. In these situations, the individual experiences what is

want someone who doesn't feel the same for him or her. This type of love can become obsessive by not wanting to let go of that person who has been so idealized. This is due to the emotional dependence that develops in these situations towards the loved one. Obsession provokes the infinite desire for the other person to love him, although she knows that deep down this is not the case.

Phases of unrequited love.

Unrequited love is not born overnight, nor does it just disappear. Next, we will see the phases of unrequited love:

  1. Idealization: At this time, you are not yet aware that the other person does not have the same feelings. There is hope that at the beginning of the love story everything will go smoothly, although deep down you feel that something is not right. The other person is so idealized that it is very difficult to see their flaws.
  2. One-sided love: the idealization continues and the illusion grows, but the relationship becomes complicated. You see that you try to share any aspect of your life and that the other person has no interest in doing so. In these situations, the reaction may be to hold on to what will already change your attitude over time.
  3. Recognition of unrequited love: you realize that you are facing an unrequited love. Only you are trying to make the couple work and pull forward. You see that the other person does not love you the way you love them. Even so, sometimes the feeling is so strong that it is believed that the situation will be fixed. A self-deception that can cause problems in the long run.
  4. Forgetting unrequited love: this is the hardest stage. There is the intention to leave that relationship that makes you suffer so much, but the feeling is so strong that sometimes you feel that you will not be able to. Leaving behind all the expectations, illusions and memories of that person you have loved so much is not easy. Getting away from that person can help you get through this stage, but above all, don't fight what you're feeling. Forgetting someone you have loved takes time.
  5. Live with it: it is time to accept and acknowledge the love you have had for that person. Do not deny that you have loved her, but do not lose sight of the fact that it cannot be. It's time to rebuild your life without that person. In time, the time to turn the page will come when you accept reality and move on.

How does it feel to be unrequited?

Unrequited love produces pain and suffering. All the romantic illusions that you had with a person fall apart and, many times, this has serious consequences for oneself. Let's see what it feels like to be unrequited:

  • Sadness and disappointment: the desires for love are very strong. When reality collides with illusion, the destruction of those desires can lead to a strong feeling of sadness and disappointment towards the loved one.
  • Affects self-esteem: love rejection can lead to rejection of oneself. Sometimes, you can feel that the fault is ours because we are not enough for the other person to love us. It is important to understand that the most important person in your life is you and that you love yourself yourself is above the opinion and judgment of anyone, even if you are in love with that person. Your opinion does not define who or how you are. Discover how to improve self esteem.
  • Frustration and anger: they are born from the belief that the situation is unfair and that you do not deserve it. These feelings are part of the grieving process necessary to overcome a heartbreak. They are completely normal and indicate that you are on the right track.
  • Feeling lonely: the fact of not being able to be with who we want can produce anxiety and fear of loneliness. The melancholy of remembering the moments lived with that loved one can increase this feeling. In this article, we tell you how to fight loneliness.

How to overcome an unrequited love.

The most difficult moment, and also the most important, when you experience unrequited love is learning to forget it, get over it and move on with your life. As they say, easy to say and difficult to do, but not impossible. If you wonder how to overcome an unrequited love, then we give you some keys to achieve it.

  • Accept thesituation: the suffering produced by unrequited love is born of the hope that the situation can change. It is essential to accept reality and not think about what you have lost but what you could have. For example, being with a person who really loves you.
  • Stop idealizing the person you love: falling in love with someone because of the perception we have of him or her is very common, but most of the time not very real. Realize that, like everyone else, that person is not perfect and also has flaws. You may have fallen in love with what that person represents, but not really with what they are.
  • Distance yourself from that person: it will be easier not to think about it if it is not part of your life. To overcome an unrequited love it is better to stay away from that person and focus on yourself. At this time, taking care of you is the most important thing.
  • Give yourself permission to be sad: If the situation causes you pain, denying it will only increase it. Accept how you feel at all times. Being sad is not bad, and neither is expressing it. On the contrary, accepting how you feel is necessary to overcome the grief. Don't try to hide your emotions. I may not immediately, but in the long run, expressing what you feel will make you feel better about yourself.
  • Focus your thoughts on the present: focus your thinking on what you do moment by moment. This will help your mind to constantly remind you of the situation you have experienced and the pain that this entails. Practice mindfulness It will help you not to think about that person.
  • Imagine a future without that personFocus on all the things you can do now that it is no longer in your life. That you are not with the person you love does not mean that you should give up everything that makes you who you are. That person did not reciprocate does not mean that in the future everyone will. So don't think that all is lost. Remember that the only person you need in your life is yourself.
  • Invest in yousame: all that energy that you have invested in the other person you can now invest in yourself. Spend your time doing things that you like, either alone or with others. Enjoying what you are passionate about will make you feel better about yourself.
  • Surround yourself with trusted peopleEven if you feel like you don't feel like doing anything, surrounding yourself with family and friends who do care about you will help you appreciate the amount of good things in your life. Enjoying good company does not mean avoiding your feelings, but understanding that life is worth living with those who really love you.
  • Dare to try new experiences: Other keys to overcoming an unrequited love is doing things that you have never done with that person will take your thoughts away from him or her. New experiences will make you experience new emotions that you no longer share with that person. They are only yours.
  • Do not close yourself to loveAlthough overcoming heartbreak takes time, don't avoid spending time with people who are interested in you. That will help you regain your confidence and have a good time. Still, don't rush into another relationship because you could hurt this new love. Trying to love someone without having overcome your unrequited love is to do the same thing that they have done to that person.
  • See a professional: Sometimes it is difficult to overcome an unrequited love and the feelings that it produces. When you feel that you need help to do it, do not hesitate to go to a psychologist. A professional can guide you and help you get through this painful process.

This article, you will find more information about how to forget an unrequited love.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What is unrequited love, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.


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  • Congost, S. (2013). When loving too much is depending. Oniro.
  • Isaac, G. G. (1986). Motivation Psychology. Editorial Synthesis, Madrid.
  • Villalba, F. (2014). The theory of the impossible. Create Space
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