What is ZERO CONTACT and how is it applied?

Sometimes, it is extremely difficult for us, after ending a relationship, to cut the bond with our former partner and it is then when we get caught in unhealthy dynamics that prevent us and the other from moving forward emotionally.

Ignoring a person and isolating themselves from them through the "zero contact" technique is an attitude that some people adopt with their ex-partners, to get away from toxic, dependent relationships. In this Psychology-Online article, we will tell you what is zero contact and how is it applied, what are its phases and what are the benefits of applying it.

Index

1. What is zero contact
2. Zero contact benefits
3. How Zero Contact Is Applied
4. Stages of zero contact
5. When to cut the zero contact?

We call it "zero contact" when for a specific time we restrict contact with the other, cut off and eliminate all communication with him. Zero contact is to cut the link and stop communicating with the other person through any means. With the latter, we mean not talking to that person, not answering her calls, not writing or answering her messages, not spying on her social networks, do not talk about that person with third parties, avoid their presence in any context, do not inquire about that person's information with friends... That is, practically pretending that person no longer exists in our lives and starting to live our life without him or her.

Zero contact is a technique that is used when we want to distance ourselves from our ex partner, either because it hurts us to maintain contact with that person, it has cost us a lot to end that relationship or we it is taking a lot to move forward, due to the constant connection with that person or the extreme dependence that exists with she. It is also a technique that is used and recommended to get away from toxic or harmful people that appear in our lives in our different contexts.

Zero contact after a breakup can have many benefits, such as:

Stop self-deception

After a recent breakup, our need to maintain contact with the other can lead us to lie to each other to ourselves and to the other saying that we can just be friends or that we can maintain some kind of relationship. However, when the break is recent, that "friendship" will hardly be established without other interests by any of the members of the couple. This can lead to emotional confusion, difficulty living the grieving process of the relationship, and the inability to rebuild our lives with someone else. The zero contact technique can give a space to elaborate the breakdown of the relationship and build a "new life" without your ex.

Clear your mind

The zero contact technique can also give space to think and clarify thoughts and evaluate the decision to have finished. Taking distance from the other encourages forgetting, but it can also be an opportunity to think about what both members of the former partner want. To be able to wonder and evaluate if it is worth trying again or not.

Get out of toxic or harmful dynamics

This technique is also useful and quite necessary in toxic relationships or harmful that are maintained by emotional dependence and that generate more harm than well-being but of which it is very difficult to get out due to the addictive component they present. In these types of cases, this technique is not easy to sustain, but it is the only thing that can help to get out of those types of dynamics that hurt us.

Strengthen you emotionally

A time away can be useful and extremely necessary to strengthen yourself emotionally, empower you and take control of your thoughts again. Once you have managed to distance yourself from your initial emotions and disconnect from them, you can think things over coldly and decide what you want, avoiding acting on impulse or making bad decisions because of what you feel in the moment.

Prioritize with your needs, revalue yourself

Sometimes, instead of thinking about what we want and need, we do things for others and put ourselves aside. In this sense, there are dependency dynamics that are sustained by emotions such as guilt, pity or fear of harming the other. Taking distance, you can put aside everything that the other wants and wants for a moment, to decide based on what you feel and you need first.

Rediscover yourself

A time away helps us reconnect with ourselves. When we leave a relationship, we need that space to reconnect and generate new activities to be able to emotionally rearm and in our daily routine. A space of reunion with ourselves is extremely necessary in this sense.

Increase your self esteem

Reconnecting with ourselves, generating activities that we like and passionate about, developing new hobbies and choosing By focusing on our needs and prioritizing ourselves, it helps our self-esteem to grow larger and solid. Here you will find keys to improve self-esteem.

Heal wounds from the past

Time alone always helps us see things more clearly. After a breakup, having time alone can help us to give a different reading to the relationship that ended and discover patterns or dynamics that perhaps come from our history and to be able to take charge of them through a process of personal analysis.

Achieve mental and emotional detachment

Distance helps us to eliminate dependencies, to calm and calm our thoughts and emotions and to achieve, therefore, detach ourselves both mentally and emotionally.

The distance shot is equivalent to a withdrawal phase, where you, voluntarily, deprive yourself of an object that generates or generated desire at some point in the relationship and from which you are probably having a hard time separating for some reason. Most likely, there will be an impulse to search. By this I mean that initially there will be zero contact resistance, which can occur in the person who applies it, in the person to whom it is applied, or both. The contact technique consist of:

1. Remove from all your networks to the person.
2. Break all communication with that person.
3. Asking friends not to comment any information about your ex partner in front of you.
4. Avoid asking about him or her, in the different contexts that both frequented.
5. Not attending places he frequentedn or where you think they might match.
6. Every time that person appears in your mind or memory, change the focus of attention.
7. Resist the distance until the end. Despite your desire to connect with the other and / or the insistence of that other to regain contact, it is important to stay away if you have a clear objective.
8. Fill your free time with new activities, sports, hobbies and connections in order to rebuild your life and avoid resuming contact just out of dependence, habit or need.
9. Meet new people.

Initially, when ending a relationship, the person who has decided to end and the other party feel a number of emotions. Each term is extremely difficult because there are many conflicting emotions in it.

Although we are ending a relationship for some reason, there are many others that kept us going all the time. in that dynamic and at times we connect with those reasons that made us stay and question our decision.

It is important that you keep in mind that there will always be good and bad things in relationships and when finishing those good and bad things will continue to be present, the important thing to remember is that when we decide to end it is usually because the bad things were too big, too important, weighed more than the good ones or they accumulated for a long time. I say this because after a while we tend to forget the bad and the ghost of what we lost comes to our memory, we oversize the good and We forget the bad and many times this reason leads us to return to dynamics that we know are not good for us or that sooner or later will end up falling again.

That is why if you are clear about your decision to end the relationship and you need to use the zero contact technique to be able to move forward more easily with your life, we will tell you in this article the different stages that you will go through:

1. Initial security stage

Initially, you will be very sure of the decision, both of having finished, and of applying this technique to your ex partner. It is important that you hold on to that initial assurance and that you listen to what you really want and need. You can write the reasons why you are ending And by deciding to walk away on paper, so later on, if doubt or regret occurs, you will be able to read these emotions and thoughts again and put things on a scale.

2. The questioning of the decision

Within weeks of having finished and having distanced yourself, many emotions probably begin to move within you and this happens because if you are applying the zero contact technique, too you will notice the absence of the other and its lack. This is a stage of confusion and questioning.

Many times, when in doubt, many people abandon the technique and resume contact out of necessity, habit or dependence. It is important to sustain this period of doubt and go through it so that the reason for returning with your ex-partner, in case you decide to do so, It is because you really decided that way, thinking about things with maturity and not prey to a momentary emotion that takes you to the repentance.

3. Worry and questioning

After a longer time without having signs of the person, the absence begins to be noticed for both parts of the relationship. On the one hand, you are rebuilding your life without that person, but this reality can be mixed with the realization that you are losing the other forever. The fear of losing the other is normal and is part of the stages of grief that we go through after having ended a relationship.

When going through this stage you can reaffirm your decision and rebuild your life or analyze your decision considering the costs of actually losing the other and trying again, but this time establishing new bases for the relationship. In this case, this decision would involve cutting the zero contact and seek help to work out relationship problems and start a new and different relationship from the previous one.

4. Final decision

At this stage, there are only two ways oblivion or second chance. In the following article, we talk about the second chances.

It is important to know that if your desire is to rebuild your life, forget and walk away, no need to cut zero contact and the mere distance will cause the lives of both to be separated. You don't need to talk to your ex again.

On the other hand, if after going through the different phases of the zero contact technique, you consciously determined that you want to give your relationship a second chance, analyzing the pros and cons that this implies, let's see how to cut the contact zero:

1. The first thing you should do is get back in touch and see if the other person has decided the same as you in this period of absence. Retaking contact with your ex partner in this sense should be a slow and gradual work, where they begin to connect little by little to regain contact and generate a conversation.
2. It is very important to talk about what happened and that both parties can express their feelings, sensations, thoughts and determinations. Talk about what they felt in the absence of the other, what led them to the determination to want to return, why do you think it is important to give yourself a new opportunity, what do you think would be the good and the bad of taking that decision. How do you think you could cope with your differences this time, etc.
3. After this, it is good to use the time to your advantage and analyze the previous relationship in hindsight. Probably, time has helped both of you to see the previous relationship in a different way and identify the things that you did not like about it.
4. It is important to put these kinds of things on the table, because they are the things that must be worked on to regain the relationship, repair it and be able to move on.
5. With this in mind, it is important ask for professional help since probably although they are able to identify what the problem is, they do not have the necessary tools to do it or there are other problems that escape them.
6. Once this decision has been made and followed this step by step together with professional help they will be able to start a new relationship.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What is zero contact and how is it applied?, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

• Hernandez J (2010) How to apply zero contact. Spain: Vlovesolution
• Riso W. (2013) Practical guide to overcome emotional dependence. Phronesis