Many times, we meet a person and immediately feel that he or she has all the qualities, glorious virtues, that can make our life absolutely happy. And although, that person may have characteristics that we like and we manage to reconcile with time, never We must lose sight of the fact that the foundations of the couple are built and nurtured on a day-to-day basis and not once and for forever. Commonly, we believe we have found "our better half" and if we speak of halves, strictly speaking, it is better be complete and be a "whole orange" capable of accompanying another, also complete, on a path to be traveled together.
In this PsychologyOnline article, we talk about the concept of idealized infatuation and show effective techniques to stop idealizing someone.
Index
- Idealized infatuation concept
- Why we idealize people
- What to do to stop idealizing someone
Idealized infatuation concept.
This feeling that sometimes occurs, responds to what we call
The tales of princes and princesses show us a life without surprises where everything is wonderful and perfect, but the reality is that many times the vicissitudes of life make us stumble in what we believed to be a perfect support and the disappointment is very great, when things they end. Magic recipe for a life without emotional shocks does not exist, only permanent dialogue, an "unspoken contract" even when there is situations that bother us, will allow that in this round trip, we listen to what the other needs from us and we can transmit what it afflicts us.
This "contract" is an unspoken dialogue in which our desires, lacks, needs, demands are exposed and covers all imaginable aspects of life as a couple. Commonly, it happens that neither realizes that their efforts to please the person they love are based on the certainty that the other is, feels and thinks things as oneself.
Why we idealize people.
If we go back to the childhood where identity, self-concept, models of love, ways of being a man and a woman are achieved, as well as dictates in the family, parents, are the representatives of the social at that time of our early lifetime. With them, we face unconditional love, also conditioned affection, and stifle our most longed-for childhood desires for exclusivity, belonging, being only for them and nothing else.
When those childhood conflicts and longings are not resolved in an adequate wayWe go through life looking for partners to solve the most intimate deficiencies deposited in the soul. So we want to be unique in the life of the couple, that they guess our needs as when we were children, that just by crying, the mother responds to the demand. We also hope that all situations are resolved, looking for a powerful provider and when this is not achieved, we feel very helpless.
What to do to stop idealizing someone.
Due to the above, many times, we expect reactions, attitudes from others, seen from our perspective, as "necessary" in a particular way. However, there is where the difference that characterizes us from that "other" resides, is where we must understand that each one does what is within his reach and how he can. That is why accept the other different is the key to being able to dialogue in another way, discovering that that person who has many things that we like and attract, also has a series of traits that can sometimes cause us to short-circuit our relationship, because we ourselves also have a wealth of virtues and defects.
If we can't keep this listen and dialogue, maintaining only this idealized state, causes that when that person falls from the pedestal they occupied, the pain and frustration that can feel the person who considered her perfect can be very great and you can have a strong feeling that this person has failed. Simple, and not so simple, it is the work of every day to build these solid foundations in the couple, through dialogue, to be able to express ourselves freely, and above all letting the other be and being ourselves.
For those reasons that the other chose us and we did it in the same way, it is that resignation should not be in our ideals in post of sustaining a partner. Alone, keeping our spaces and sharing the joys and sorrows with the other, we will be freer to choose ourselves every day.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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