It is very frustrating for a person to want to start a conversation with another and to feel a great fear for doing so. A shy person she may feel quite limited by not being able to act as she wishes due to the anxiety she experiences when finding herself in certain types of situations, which is very worrying since as a result emotional well-being is seen quite affected.
So if one of the problems that shyness is generating is the fear of talking to boys and you constantly ask yourself how to overcome shyness with men It is because, surely, you would like to establish some kind of relationship with them, be it friendship, partner and / or simply would like to relate better with your classmates, work colleagues, etc. In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to give you a series of tips that will be of great use to you so that you can finally overcome shyness with men.
Before answering your question about how to overcome shyness with men, let's briefly explain where shyness comes from. If you are a shy person, you have surely asked yourself this question many times so it is interesting that you can know. Next we are going to see some of the
- Genetic heritage. Various scientific studies have found that much of the shy temperament is inherited by our parents. This does not mean that having shy parents or that many years of their lives have been people shy, we too are going to be like that, it just increases the chances that it too let us be.
- Unpleasant experiences in childhood. If since we were little we were on many occasions the object of ridicule for whatever reasons and we do not feel enough valued and accepted in our social circle and / or family, we are more likely to adopt this type of temperament.
- Parental overprotection. If we had overprotective parents, who were always there to solve everything for us, who on many occasions would not let us go out to play with the other children For fear that something would happen to us and they did not allow us to live our own childhood experiences with tranquility, it is very likely that we develop the shyness.
- Lack of selfesteem. If from children and / or adolescents our self-esteem has been deteriorated by different factors, of older, if we do not solve the problem, we will continue to decrease our self-esteem in a gradual. For example, if we have had parents who have demanded too much of us all our lives, who always asked us to make everything perfect, who asked us to we got the best grades in school, that we behaved in a certain way, we were constantly compared with other children, etc. All this over time generates the belief that we are worth how well we do things. Therefore, our personal worth will always be based on the results we obtain and not on the sole fact of being people. Another example may be trying to adapt to the beauty canons imposed by society and feel inferiors in case of not being able to achieve it, among many other factors that can seriously deteriorate our love own self.
If you want to know if you are shy, here is a Shyness Test that will help you to give you the answer you need.
After having analyzed the possible causes of shyness, we are going to give you 5 great tips so that you know how to overcome shyness with men and likewise you can increase your emotional well-being and achieve a relationship of any kind with they.
Learn to relax
This is the most important of all, so it is necessary to put special emphasis on it. Surely when you try to approach a boy that you like for example, you begin to experience a lot anxiety that is reflected in your tone of voice, your gestures, you may blush, you feel agitated breathing, etc. So it is important to manage all these anxious symptoms to reduce them more and more and allow us to feel comfortable at the moment of approach.
An excellent tool to achieve this is practice relaxation exercisesbased on respiration. Breathing directly influences our state of mind, when we are relaxed our breathing is usually more slow, regular and deep, the opposite of when we are anxious and / or stressed which is usually quite fast and irregular. So if we learn to breathe correctly, we will make our body feel more relaxed and therefore also our mind.
Don't be afraid to be yourself
It is important that you lose the fear of being who you are, for this it is necessary that you know yourself well yourself and do not pretend to be someone you are not just to like or like someone else person. It is normal to some extent, especially if it is a person you like, that you try to hide or exaggerate some aspects of your personality in the first contacts, however if you try to want to be someone you are not, you will feel more nervous when you want to approach and it is likely that he will notice.
Don't pretend that everything turns out perfect
If you want to overcome shyness with men and you always try to plan everything so that it turns out to "perfection", you intend not to make a mistake in anything, that you feel zero nervous, and so on. you are going astray. Remember that no one is perfect and if you push yourself too hard and try to control everything, you will continually feel frustrated and more insecure. So always keep in mind that you are going to make mistakes not only once but several times and not only you, but all people make mistakes, however with time and practice we develop new skills and we learn to give less importance to issues that previously caused us a lot fear.
Practice
After you have learned to relax and realize that not everything has to be perfect, you can start by practicing your first approaches. To overcome shyness with men you can start by talking to strangers, for example, under the pretext of asking someone the time, of distributing publicity, you can go to a store and go up to a guy, say hello and ask him about a special product, etc. This will help you to acquire some security before speaking with the man or men of your interest.
Focus on him and not what you are feeling
Focus your attention on the guy you are talking to and not on what you are feeling, that is, instead of to be thinking: “how nervous I feel”, “I already started to blush”, “what can I say to make myself look more interesting?”, etc. Forget yourself at that moment and take a total interest in the person in front of you. This changes everything since the more aware you are of the other person and of listening with great attention and less of your thoughts about yourself and inner feelings, you will feel more relaxed and are much more likely to know what to say without having to planning.
In case you feel that your shyness is limiting you too much, you feel that you will never be able to overcome shyness with men and / or you feel limited in some other area of your life, it is recommended that you attend therapy psychological. The goal of therapy will be to help you improve your quality of life, that you can move towards your goals and objectives and in this case that you can also overcome your shyness with men and feel safe when starting a conversation with them.
To make it relaxation techniques are used, which, as we have seen previously, are useful to modify our emotional state and reduce anxiety. It also works through cognitive restructuring, where irrational thoughts are modified and negative that we have about ourselves and / or others by other more positive and objective, are made exercises for increase levels of self-esteem and confidence in oneself, to finally begin to carry out exposures gradually to the feared situations, in this case to establish contact and start conversations little by little with the men until you achieve it by feeling more and more safe.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
