It is normal that each and every one of us has experienced jealousy at some time in his life. Jealousy is the fear we feel when we are faced with the possibility of losing the person we love and that he or she will replace us with another. There is nothing wrong with being jealous from time to time, however it can become extremely negative and pathological when these feelings of fear for the possibility of losing a loved one become irrational and we begin to lose control over them.
In this Psychology-Online article we are going to analyze how to overcome hindsight jealousy Indicating a series of tips that will be very useful if you find yourself experiencing this type of jealousy and you want to feel calm in your relationship.
There are different types of jealousy but What is hindsight jealousy? This type of jealousy is characterized by the fact that the person who suffers them experiences a great upset about what her partner did in the past and it generates impotence in not being able to do anything to change what happened. What does not allow him to be calm since he does not stop imagining his partner with the person she was with in the past and he makes constant reproaches and claims for what happened, even despite not having been in her life before.
Here we leave you a list with the most frequent feelings among people who suffer from retrospective jealousy:
- People who have hindsight or jealousy about their partner's past feel a great need to know the only important people in their life.
- They want to check that they are better than previous couples so they are constantly compared to them.
- It can be difficult for them to even concentrate on their daily activities because they cannot stop imagining everything that their partner may have experienced with the other person.
- They usually demand explanations to your partner about what she did in the past, since even though she would not like to hear that she in those moments she could have had a good time with the other (a) and she could have been in love, she insists that her partner deny that it was like that and prefers that he invent that she had never been in love again (to).
- The person deep down knows that her partner also enjoyed being with other people because even she He has also done it but his need to feel unique and special is so great that he prefers to deceive himself herself.
- You they constantly reproach to her partner for everything she did with another or other people in the past.
All these feelings and attitudes are caused by the lack of security in themselves that these people have and therefore also have a very low self-esteem. They have the need to seek that esteem that they do not have outside themselves through those attitudes and they totally base their happiness on the partner since they feel incomplete without it.
In this other article we give you some tips so you know how stop being insecure in a relationship.
The fact that the person is constantly experiencing jealousy about her partner's past is extremely harmful to both and obviously also for the relationship. These are some of the main consequences that retrospective jealousy can bring:
- The jealous person becomes increasingly insecure which causes that for one reason or another, (such as that the claims and reproaches to the partner increase) the other person begins to feel rejection towards them.
- The emotional suffering of the person begins to interfere in a negative way in their daily life, so that no longer only It will affect your relationship with your partner but also in other areas such as in the work, social and / or family.
- Excessive retrospective jealousy easily leads to disputes, discussions and conflicts in the couple which can end in a breakdown of the relationship.
- The person who is jealous may also experience a lot of suffering and discomfort if they do not decide to end the relationship or put limits on the jealous person.
- If retrospective jealousy increases more and more, this can lead to the person suffering from it to start exercising physical violence, apart from the psychological that you have probably already exerted towards the other person.
- Other types of psychological and / or physical problems may appear in both people due to the anxiety, sadness and anguish that this situation may be generating for them.
In this other article we will discover why you can feeling jealous of your partner's ex with the most common causes.
If you are reading this article it is because apart from wanting to know how to overcome retrospective jealousy, you want to take action to eliminate it. So you are also aware that experiencing them is negative for both you and your partner and that you would like to stop feeling this way.
Recognize that your jealousy is irrational
You need to recognize that jealousy about your partner's past is totally irrational since just like you, your partner also had a love life before meeting you. Make a reflection and analyze objectively Where the jealousy you are experiencing really comes from, recognize that you have nothing to claim from your partner and that it is in your hands whether or not you feel this way.
Put yourself in your partner's shoes
Stop putting all the focus of attention on you and now focus on your partner. Imagine being in their situation and reflect on how you would feel if they were constantly jealous of you about of situations from your past, if they were always demanding things from you and asking you for explanations about what already happened. In this way you will realize that your partner may also be experiencing discomfort due to this situation and that he is being blamed unjustifiably. What would you do if you were blamed unjustifiably?
Talk to your partner
After you have thought carefully about this situation, approach your partner and tell him how you feel. Remember that it is essential that there is good communication in the couple. It is important that you do not speak to him from the complaint, better show him what is behind that jealousy and express your desire to eliminate it.
Focus in the present moment
Remember that unnecessary suffering comes from our own thoughts about the past or the future. In this case your suffering comes from situations about the past that even you yourself have not lived since surely you did not know your partner at that time or if you knew her they did not have a relationship. So whenever you notice that your thoughts start to wander about past situations, bring them back to the present moment and focus on what you are doing now. A good technique to get your mind used to anchoring in the present moment is meditation.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
