I am married and have a mistress: what do I do?

When you are married and you start to have an affair with someone, you always run the risk that eventually, if it doesn't end With her, the chances of starting to have deeper feelings for the lover and getting into emotional conflict are quite high. If you are reading this message it is because something similar is probably happening to you and you have established a very close loving bond with your lover. But now what can you do?

Remember that you are not only cheating on yourself which is the most important thing, you are also cheating on your wife and probably also on your lover. That is why in this Psychology-Online article: I am married and have a mistress, what do I do? We are going to give you a series of tips so that you can give a solution to this problem that does not leave you alone.

Index

1. Is having a lover good?
2. How to lead a relationship of lovers
3. I have a lover and I don't know what to do

So that you can find the best solution that best suits your particular case, you must make a reflection with yourself and be as honest as possible, to help you do this you can answer the following questions:

• Do you love your lover or are you in love? Loving and being in love are 2 very different things. Falling in love is something more temporary and fleeting where even brain chemistry changes and that is why we can feel all kinds of intense emotions when we see the loved one, it is something wonderful when it is well reciprocated, however it has a certain limit of weather. Love or mature love is different since those famous butterflies in the stomach are no longer felt by the person loved and experiencing all those emotional ups and downs, however love goes to the next stage, let's say. At this stage we stop idealizing the person, seeing him as he really is and not only his virtues as in falling in love and in spite of this the we accept and decide to continue strengthening that strong bond of love, understanding, respect and trust that over time has gone building.
• What are the reasons why you are still with your lover? Try to be as sincere and objective and identify what are the real reasons why you have a lover right now. Among the main reasons that generally appear are the following: with the lover there are less problems, sex is better, the relationship is more fun, you like it more physically, you get along better than with your partner, etc.

If you have strong feelings for your lover, we recommend reading the following article: I am married and I have fallen in love with my lover: what do I do?

Imagine for a moment that you have left your wife and gone to live with your lover. What do you imagine her life with her would be like? What kind of difficulties could appear at a certain moment?

Keep in mind that it is different to live with your lover once or twice a week than every day and live in the same place. Imagine your life with her, the day to day, be aware of the things you like about her right now but focus also or have an effort to be able to see those things that you do not like about her, remember that all of us absolutely all have defects and virtues. ¿Your values ​​and hers coincide? Do you like the way she sees her life?

How to leave a lover without suffering

Then imagine what would happen if she decides leave your lover and stay with your wifeWhat would happen? How would you feel? Do you think she and you could resolve her differences and improve her relationship? What are you willing to do to have a better relationship with her? Also imagine all the possibilities and realize what you feel in both situations once you are visualizing and living them in the imagination.

• The problems you have with your wife, can they be solved? In any case, the answer most of the time is yes, however it evaluates how much they are willing to do their part to improve the relationship since it is clear that something does not have to go quite right at least currently.
• Identify what you really feel for your wife and your lover. Be honest with yourself and realize what your feelings really are towards your lover and towards your wife. Compare both feelings and find out which one is more likely to last over time.

Make a decision

After being honest with yourself and reflecting on how you feel about your wife and yourself wife and how you feel about yourself about this situation, it's time you finally took a decision. If in your head you keep thinking "I am married and I have a lover, what do I do?", You continue without making a final decision and you continue to deceive both and about all to yourself, you will never be able to find yourself in harmony with what you want and above all you will not be able to enjoy having a good emotional balance.

Talk to your wife and your lover

After you have made a decision, you have to talk to both parties and be honest with them, talk about what happened and why the decision you have made. If you finally decided to leave your lover and continue with your wife, it is also important that you let her know and that speak to him from the heart, express your regret and what you are willing to do to improve his relationship. Overcome an infidelity and stay with your partner It is a very hard step, however, it will be in his hands to forgive you or not, in case he decides to do it you have to have Keep in mind that everything takes a process and that you have to give it time so that it can have the same confidence in you. before.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to I am married and have a mistress: what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.