Destructive relationships: symptoms and tips to get out of them

A balanced and mature relationship that allows us to grow and develop as people as well as feel loved and supported is truly enriching for any of us. However, if physical, emotional and psychological aggressions occur in the couple, if it undermines our self-esteem and we feel at all times undervalued or underappreciated, we are facing a relationship destructive that it can destroy us as people.

Although many times someone who is immersed in one of these relationships is aware of it, they do not break the relationship, but continues in it or, if he breaks it, with his next partner will establish the same dynamic destructive. What is the reason for this behavior? In this Psychology-Online article we discover the symptoms of destructive relationships and we also indicate you how to get out of them.

Index

1. Causes of destructive relationships: the most common
2. 5 symptoms of very common destructive relationships
3. How to get out of a destructive relationship: tips to help you

Before discovering the symptoms of destructive relationships, it is important that we understand the origin of this type of couple. Keep in mind that, in the vast majority of cases, relationships of this nature occur within the couple, although it can also occur in other contexts such as family or friendship.

Here we are going to discover some of the most common causes that make us always fall into destructive relationships; thus, we can detect the pattern and avoid it:

• Unstructured families: normally this occurs in people who have grown up in dysfunctional homes, where abuse among family members was common, abuse that was seen as normal. They grow accustomed to this pattern and with the idea that abuse or mistreatment is a necessary or inherent component of relationships.
• Low self-esteem: On the other hand, these people believe that they cannot be loved by anyone, so they accept to be loved regardless of how they are treated, because they do not believe they deserve anything better. As the relationship progresses, their self-esteem is undermined more and more, so they end up believing that they will never find anyone else who loves them, because not they have nothing to be loved for, so, fearing that they are not loved or left alone, or of being worthless without the other, they remain in the relationship.
• "El Salvador" syndrome: There are people who tend to surround themselves with people who need to be saved from something in particular (from a bad childhood, from toxic friendships, from a betrayal of the past, etc.). Thus, a bond of absolute dependence is created since, on the one hand, one needs the help of the other and, on the other, the other believes that his duty and responsibility is to help and "save" him. This creates destructive and toxic relationships where emotional dependence is the key sign.

But How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship? The truth is that there are a series of symptoms of destructive relationships that you have to know in order to know if this is also your situation. The most obvious signs are the following.

Excessive control

If you or your partner control you excessively, almost obsessively, it is because you are immersed in a destructive relationship. The basis of love is trust in each other and, also, respect. Therefore, if you are with a person who does not even let you breathe, who is watching you all the time and By controlling your movements, you are actually suffering from a serious lack of respect that you have to cut through I heal it. If someone wants you, they want you free. Do not forget.

You don't meet your friends

Another of the symptoms of destructive relationships is that, each time, you have a lonelier relationship, more dependent on each other. Due to the "suffocation" and obsessive control, the most common is to stop seeing friends to avoid arguments. This causes that, little by little, you are left alone and isolated from the world, something that makes the dependency even stronger because, if you leave it, you will be left with nothing.

Verbal abuse

Another symptom of destructive relationships is that one of the partners verbally abuses the other. They can be abuses of any kind: criticism of clothing, hair, attitude, indifference to achievements, and so on. Little by little what is achieved is to annul the other person and, therefore, allow the other to have absolute control.

False hopes of change

Normally, toxic relationships are often similar to a roller coaster. There is little emotional stability and either you are very good or you are very bad. The arguments are usually strong and the reconciliations very passionate. They are relationships where there is hardly any balance and where both members can feel "dizzy" from so many emotional changes. In addition, this means that the moments of maximum love can come to deceive us and believe that everything will be fine. But it is not like that, there is always a relapse and you go back down.

Lack of own identity

And finally, another of the most common signs of destructive relationships is that the "weaker" partner does not recognize himself. If you have lost friends, you have abandoned your hobbies and you are totally devoted to that person, it is because you are totally annulled. The feeling of not knowing who you are and not being able to do what you want is very common in this type of relationship.

In this other article we tell you how get out of a toxic relationship with tips to help you overcome this bump and get your life back.

Now that you know the symptoms of a toxic relationship, it is important that, if you have felt identified with them, you begin to value changing the course of your relationship. And it is that, if you do not put a remedy right now, in the long run, you will end up disgusted, hurt and very emotionally damaged. Here are some good tips that will show you how to get out of a destructive relationship so that you can regain the helm of your life.

You both have to be involved in the change

You can change the orientation of your relationship. It is difficult, yes, but not impossible. If you love each other and you want to bet on a common future, you can both get to work to try to change habits. It is important that both of you agree and you commit to this change otherwise, all effort will be in vain. You have to establish guidelines to understand each other and avoid abuse.

Speak openly, honestly, and express yourself without arguing. If you want things to work, you have to learn to speak without yelling. In this other article we discover good tips so you can learn to argue as a couple.

Establish techniques and strategies

It is clear that, currently, you have a relationship that is "flawed". It may be that any reason for conflict causes you to scream or that you explode at the minimum of change. For this reason, it is important that you establish some guidelines that will help you calm that frenzy when you have an argument or problem. For example, pausing a discussion and giving you a hug or kiss is a perfect technique to help you relax and remember that you love each other very much.

Other techniques is, for example, breathe 10 times in a deep way to lower the heart rate and prevent the impulse from being the speaker. In this other article we discover you games and exercises for couples therapy that can be of great help to you.

Breakup is another option to get out of a destructive relationship

And, of course, if you think that with this partner you have established very toxic habits that you do not think you can overcome, do not deceive yourself anymore. It is important to be honest with yourself and know if that relationship can go well or if there is no longer a remedy. We do not have to hook anyone, if the thing does not work out, it can be left. Nothing happens. Everything in this life is learned and what we have to seek, above all, is our happiness. You have to separate love from attachment a lot and, therefore, continue with a person only if it is good for you and if you feel happy and complete by their side.

It can be happy without a partner And, in fact, you can be MUCH happier alone than in bad company. Therefore, do not be afraid of the breakup and do not condemn yourself to live unhappy just because you do not want to be alone.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Destructive relationships: symptoms and tips to get out of them, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.