How to get out of EMOTIONAL BLACKBOARD?

Have you ever felt blackmailed? Perhaps it has happened to you with a friend, your boss, your partner or your family. You may have felt forced to do something, and you may have believed that you were just fulfilling an obligation or responsibility. However, many times it is not our duty to do many things that we are forced to do. In this Psychology-Online article, we will see how to get out of emotional blackmail through professional advice. We will talk about how to detect when you are being blackmailed, about the different types of blackmail and how to deal with such blackmail to get out of it unscathed. The article may also be useful to you, in case at any time you carry out a blackmail, to be able to detect it and correct it.

Index

1. What is emotional blackmail?
2. Who usually commits emotional blackmail?
3. How can I respond to blackmail?

The emotional blackmail it's a kind of psychological violence involving manipulation from one person to another using fear, obligation and guilt.

This leads the victim of blackmail to carry out certain acts with which she would initially disagree due to being uncomfortable or excessively sacrificed, among others. On a day-to-day basis, we are faced with multiple blackmails, however, many times we are not aware that we are suffering or even exercising them.

• Examples emotional blackmail: blackmails range from "eat your food or you'll make mom feel bad" to "don't leave me or I'll hurt myself."

Therefore, we obtain that there are different types of emotional blackmail depending on what consequence is being used to exercise it.

• The emotional blackmail from the punisherThe consequence is to hurt the other person if he does not do what he is ordered to do.
• The emotional blackmail of the self-punisher: on this occasion, the person would threaten to hurt himself if the computer is not complied with.
• The emotional blackmail from which he suffers: the person remarks how much he is suffering and sacrificing himself for the other person, so one way to thank him would be to do what he is asking.
• The tantalizer blackmail: this time the person offers compensation if he does what he is told.

To find out how to deal with an emotional blackmailer, we will first look at the profile of the emotional blackmailer. Who is used to exercising emotional blackmail? Far from the popular idea that the blackmailer is someone who tends to abuse and exercise physical violence as an abuser, it is also quite common that psychologically dependent people exercise it. They do it by exposing their need for others and insisting on how much it would harm them not to have such attention.

In addition, it is quite common for it to be exercised during child rearing. Parents can emotionally blackmail their children. In turn, these children also try to blackmail their parents in order to obtain a toy, go to bed later, among others.

Another common scenario is emotional blackmail in the couple. In this article we show you signs to know if your partner is emotionally blackmailing you.

Those with a addiction, for their part, they are experts in blackmail in order to be able to consume what they are addicted to. In another type of disorders As the borderline personality disorder or the narcissistic personality disorder it is also quite common.

On the one hand, people who are blackmailed are often people with low self-esteem and who fear losing other people if they say no.

Therefore, to avoid emotional blackmail, first of all, self-esteem would be worked of the person. This can be done by correcting those erroneous and unrealistic self-descriptions and helping the person to focus more on positive aspects of himself. Therefore, it would work on the internal discourse that that person has and also on the treatment that that person has towards himself.

Moreover, to get out of emotional blackmail, assertiveness techniques would be worked on. These consist of the person learning to say what he thinks and feels in a respectful way with the other. For example, if her partner blackmails her that if they don't meet on Friday it is because she doesn't love him so much since she doesn't make the effort to see him, one could respond by following the following points:

• First of all, it would validate the other person's feelings: "I understand that you may feel bad since you have been making the effort to have a place for me on Friday and you may have been disappointed to see that I cannot stay."
• Second, you are explain to the person the reasons why you cannot do what he asks of you: "However, I need to finish this job on Friday and send it as my boss has asked me and if I can't have problems at my job."
• In third place, the person is explained how to ask for things: "I would like that if it happens again there is no conflict and we can come up with an alternative that suits both of us without doubting the feelings we have for each other."
• In fourth place, an alternative is offered: "If you like, we can meet on Saturday and we meet even earlier so that we can spend more time together than we would on Friday."

How to deal with an emotional blackmailer? In any case, it is of the utmost importance do not give in to blackmail in order to break that toxic dynamic of the relationship. In another moment outside the blackmail, it could even be spoken between the two involved and agree how they can ask for each other's needs without anyone being offended.

In couples or family therapies it is usual to practice this other type of healthier forms of communication, so if you are going through this with someone, you can ask for help, since it is a problem that, in most cases, has solution.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to get out of emotional blackmail, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Bishop, S. (2013). Develop your assertiveness (Vol. 10). Kogan Page Publishers.
• Braiker, H. B. (2004). Who's pulling your strings. McGraw Hill.