Difference in AGE in the COUPLE: is it a problem?

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Age difference in the couple: is it a problem?

Are you in love with someone much older or much younger than you? Does the age difference stop you from starting a relationship? Have you heard on more than one occasion that couples with a lot of age difference do not work? In Psychology-Online we explain if you really the age difference in the couple is a problem or not.

We have always heard that love has no age, that what matters is that the feeling is strong and that love can do everything. They are very romantic statements, but is it always like that? On a day-to-day basis, everything is not as ideal as we think. Actually age difference matters insofar as it affects the relationship.

The age difference between the members of the couple can present a series of disadvantages. Some occur more frequently than others and are more or less important to the future of the relationship.

  • Lifestyle. The routine and activities preferred by each of the members can be very different. As happens, for example, when one of the members is a student and the other worker.
  • Social relations. Generally we interact more with people with a similar age to ours and with whom we have things in common. It may be that when spending time with the people around our partner we do not feel very integrated because we are in different times of life. The topics of conversation, for example, tend to vary greatly when the age difference is pronounced. As well as leisure activities, frequented restaurants, etc.
  • Sex. The difference in performance, in the way and in the way of thinking can be a problem of understanding in this area. Physical capacity, libido, the importance we give to sexual relations ...
  • The opposition of the environment. Sometimes family or friends are not supportive of the relationship. This happens to a greater extent on the part of the parents or the children (if any) of any of the members of the couple. Difficulty integrating into the new family is a conflict that sometimes ends with the breakup of the couple.
  • The goals of life. Whether it is a change of address in search of a job opportunity or the decision to have children, if the objectives are very different, the couple's relationship is doomed to failure.
  • The maturity. The degree of maturity for life experiences and learning of the older member may be very different from the level presented by the younger member. This can be a problem, both in the type of problems that appear in the relationship, and in conflict resolution. This does not always happen, since despite the age difference, the maturity of both members can be similar.

There are studies that limit the appropriate age difference to 5 years. It is possible that this age range reduces the appearance of the difficulties that we have mentioned in the previous section, but it does not guarantee it. Well, these factors are influenced by age but not determined.

There are couples who with a difference of more than 10 years have or have had a wonderful relationship. There are others of the same age whose relationship has been disastrous. The question is, more than in age, in having similar values and establish the foundations of a healthy relationship.

On the other hand, the same number of years can cause more or less inequality according to age. For example, the difference being 15 years in both cases, we would perceive it as greater between a 20-year-old and a 35-year-old than between a 40-year-old and a 55-year-old.

Furthermore, the age that matters most in these cases is "mental age" and not chronological age.

We believe that couples with a very pronounced age difference They only occur among famous people, but if we look closely, there are surely some couples around us with differences of 10 or 20 years.

When the age difference between the members of the couple is 20 years, obviously there are more possibilities of difficulties arising, as the inequality more pronounced. But we insist that it is not something that always has to happen and with a good understanding they can be solved. It is important to know that although these differences may exist due to the difference in age, that does not prevent you from having a healthy and beneficial relationship. To do this, it is advisable to learn to resolve conflicts assertively.

For example, family opposition is something that may arise at first, but usually if The relationship continues and our loved ones see us happy, they will accept and even support the relationship. Regarding the way of life or social relationships, when time goes by there may be a satisfactory adaptation for both members and Let's not forget that although it is important to get along with the environment of the couple, in the end who we live with and spend more time with is with our partner. What prevails in these cases is that the values ​​and goals of both are similar and of course there is love and respect.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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