How to stop being selfish with my partner

Arguments, reproaches and general discomfort are not pleasant dynamics in the couple. The simple thing is to think that the fault is always the other, in this way, we avoid taking responsibility for the problems, but this is not always the case. Sometimes the root of arguments and instability comes from ourselves, from our selfish behaviors and attitudes. Putting focus on it and fixing it in time can avoid a painful breakup. It is important to know how selfishness influences the couple, what are their most problematic traits and if we have those characteristics when we are with our partner.

Once these unhealthy dynamics are detected, you may wonder how to stop being selfish with my partner. In this Psychology-Online article, we will offer you the best keys for you to work on empathy and assertiveness, so that your relationship can return to fruition.

Index

1. How is a selfish person in love?
2. How to stop being selfish with my partner?
3. Tips to be less selfish with your partner
4. Learn to think of others

We may not realize how selfish we are with our partner. We tend to judge this characteristic in other people, however, we rarely perceive it in ourselves. Therefore, you must ask yourself some questions, for example: How is a selfish person in love?

Being selfish in love implies not worry about the couple Or, at the very least, put our concerns before yours. It is difficult for us to share material goods with the other person (for example, if they have given us something of value, it will cost us lend it to them) and we only value the moments when we feel good regardless of how our partner.

We can also define selfish people by the times when they reproach their partner for something. If they do something for their boyfriend or girlfriend, they usually do it to get something in return, if they don't get it, they go on to reproach them for everything they do for him or her.

Selfishness in love is usually a factor that wears out relationships a lot, it is the fire that makes let's argue with our partner for nonsense, maintains the discomfort between the two and prevents us from improving in the relationship.

The first step to be less selfish It is being able to observe our behaviors, see our weak points and assimilate that, perhaps, not everything we do is right and we can harm our partner. If we have detected signs of toxic attitudes in our relationship and want to improve them, we can practice some techniques of psychology to leave selfishness behind and improve our relationship as a couple.

Develop empathy

The first point to work on is empathy, that is, the ability to put ourselves in the place of another person. Empathy is one of the 5 elements of emotional intelligence, it helps us understand how another person feels and what emotions they are expressing to us. If we can train our ability to understand the partner, we will stop focusing only on ourselves and our needs. Thanks to the empathic capacity, we will realize that the emotions of others have the same importance as ours, only that sometimes it is difficult for us to understand it.

Train assertiveness

Assertiveness is defined by the ability to communicate and express ourselves without offending others, but without letting other people step on us or they value our speech less. Assertive communication is the best to avoid arguments in pairs and to propose any plan or idea to the other person. If we want to do an activity, a comment has made us feel bad or we simply want to express our feelings, it is important that we do so in an assertive way.

Empathy and assertiveness are not only the pillars of a healthy relationship, they are also concepts that complement each other. Most of the time, the more empathetic we are, the more assertively we communicate and vice versa.

Apart from developing intrinsic characteristics of our personality (such as learn to be assertive and empaths), we can also do a series of more specific exercises during our day to day. These psychological exercises They are based on training humility, modesty and the ability to understand our boyfriend or girlfriend. In this way, we will learn to focus on others and we will be able to stop being selfish with the partner:

• What will he or she want to do ?: Sometimes we forget that not only our tastes and desires count. We can ask ourselves what our partner will want to do before proposing a plan, that is a good exercise to avoid selfishness in the relationship. We can also ask you directly so that you feel we are taking your ideas into account.
• You are neither more nor less than anyone: Just as insecure people tend to put themselves below others, selfish people tend to feel more important. It is essential to realize that all the people around us deserve the same attention and understanding. Surely, our partner will appreciate this exercise, since we will give the importance that their emotions deserve.
• All opinions matter: validate their ideas, make them feel heard. The partner of a selfish person may feel withdrawn or insecure, our responsibility is to make him see that your opinions are important too for us.
• Ask him how he feels: giving voice to the feelings and emotions of our partner, asking how he is or how he feels is a good way to show our interest in her. This will make you feel understood and trust us more.

If we have been selfish with our partner, most likely we are with other people around us. Therefore, we can apply the previously mentioned exercises to other spheres of our life. In this way, we will avoid other types of conflicts and we will grow as people.

We are not alone in this world and it is very important to learn to think of others. When we stop being selfish, we develop our emotional intelligence and we learn to better overcome challenges. We cannot forget that we are social beings and that, as such, we must learn to think beyond our own perspective.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to stop being selfish with my partner, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.