I am MARRIED and I have FALLEN IN LOVE with my LOVER: what do I do?

Married life can be difficult. When we have been with the same partner for several years, it may be the case that the passion disappears and that the magic between you is diminished. It is then that we can begin to notice other people and, also, when we can commit any infidelity. And these extramarital affairs can become very dangerous because they can alter our emotions and make us confused. "I am married and I have fallen in love with my lover"If this is your situation, you have to know that, before taking a wrong step, it is important to assess the situation well and be honest with yourself. In this Psychology-Online article we are going to give you a series of tips so that you know How to act in these cases and do as little harm as possible to your partner, your lover and yourself.

Index

1. Why have you fallen in love with your lover?
2. What to do if you have fallen in love with your lover?
3. How to know if my lover is in love with me?

We continually see movies and stories of lovers falling in love, but it can be much more complicated in reality. If you are married and have fallen in love with your lover, it is important that, first of all, we understand why you have reached this situation. It is essential that let's do an internal analysis to better understand our behavior and to be able to act in a reasonable and respectful way. We have to bear in mind that in an infidelity relationship there are three people who can be harmed, therefore, you have to be very careful to act in the best possible way.

Here we discover the most common causes why you have fallen in love with your lover.

Forbidden love

Many times, this "infatuation" that you feel is totally temporary. They are the uncontrollable feelings that appear because of that feeling of "forbidden fruit" which in psychology is known as the "Romeo and Juliet effect". That is to say, they are emotions that arise in a very intense and uncontrolled way because it is something forbidden and, what is forbidden, always attracts more attention and becomes more appetizing. This is what usually happens in an "affair" and is that, in these cases, the lover It becomes an object of desire that ends up being idealized and that makes us lose control completely.

The novelty

Another reason why you have fallen in love with your lover is because he is something new in your life. Normally, in married life, routine and habit make the magic of love and passion be detrimental. So when someone new appears in our life, someone different and unknown, it will surely catch our attention because she still has some mystery to discover. But we must not let ourselves be blinded by this emotion because it is fleeting. You have to bear in mind that, if you start a relationship with your lover, in the long run it will also end up becoming more routine and monotonous.

More intense sex

Because the relationship with the lover is new and uncontrolled, it is normal for sex to be much more wild and passionate. And, in fact, it is precisely here where there is more danger in the "hook" with the lover since sex attracts us like a magnet. Sex in your marriage may have become a bit boring and unemotional, So, finding someone new, with a new body and with new techniques, can make us to get mad. But we must be very careful and know that, that, it is also temporary. To do this, remember the first months or years with your partner and you will see that, at first, the sex was also incredible.

Relationship problems

And finally, another of the causes that can make you married and have fallen in love with your lover is that you couple relationship does not work well. Many times, infidelity occurs because things are not going well at home and you look outside for what you can't get inside. In these cases it is important that you avoid idealizing your lover and that you rationally reflect on your marriage. Weigh the pros and cons and make a decision about it.

What happens when you fall in love with your lover? What can you do? In the event that you believe that you have fallen in love with your lover it is important take action on the matter from now on and solve this situation. Keep in mind that you can hurt your partner, your lover and yourself, therefore, you are three people involved in this love trio that must be resolved as soon as possible.

Therefore, here are some good tips to know what to do if you are married and have fallen in love with your lover. Keep reading and take note of our recommendations so that you can solve this problem in the best possible way.

Analyze your feelings

How do I know if I love my lover? Before making any decision about it, it is important that you analyze your feelings in a detailed and deep way. That you feel passion and "obsession" for your lover does not mean that you are in love with her and, much less, that you should break your marriage relationship for it. It is important that you analyze do you really feel for your lover And what values ​​if, really, your feelings are true or if they are only temporary. We have already said above that passion with a lover is usually stronger and more intense because it is something "forbidden" and because, in addition, it still has mystery. But think that, in the long run, it will disappear. Therefore, analyze your feelings well before taking a wrong step.

Do not get carried away by impulses

It is important that you keep a cool head. Surely, the infidelity that you are committing is being carried out because you are letting yourself be carried away by impulses and desire. Most likely, when you return home, you feel terrible because you do not like to be cheating on your partner. So in this maelstrom of impulses, we have to try keep a cool head for a moment to make this decision. We cannot play with a marriage or hurt people who love us simply because we are not able to control our desire. We must be consistent and put some sanity to all this: do you really feel love for your lover or is it just desire and fun?

Value your relationship with your partner

We have already commented that one of the reasons why you can feel love for your lover is that your relationship does not work well. We must be clear: a marriage cannot be our shackle. That is, we must maintain the relationship if it is going well, if we continue to love our partner and if we want to continue striving for her. It is important that you ask yourself if, really, you are fine in your marriage or if, on the contrary, the relationship has turned off. You must be very honest with yourself and act accordingly. Perhaps these strong feelings for your lover are only showing up because she gives you everything that has faded in your relationship. It could also be that you are simply having a couple crisis that can be solved.

Talk to your partner

And, of course, once you have analyzed what you feel and what path you want to take, it is important to talk with your partner. You must be very tactful to tell him about your infidelity but you must tell him, even if you have broken up with your lover. Your partner has the right to know what has happened and that your relationship is based on respect and trust. She will decide if she wants to forgive you or if she needs some time to think. But you must accept her decision, you must take your share of the blame and treat her with the respect she deserves. it's possible overcome an infidelity in marriage But, for this, you must be totally honest with your partner.

What happens when two married people fall in love? Desiring another person while having a partner is something that can happen and it can stay here or it can go further. If the relationship with your partner is not working, for whatever reason, if there is no love and no common life project, it is possible even to fall in love with another person while having a partner. Sometimes, lovers fall in love, as has happened to you, and in this case, the most normal thing is that you ask yourself "how do I know if my lover is in love with me?". We'll see now how a married person acts when he likes another:

• Show interest in your personal and family life.
• Show desire to be with you.
• He wants to hear from you regularly, that is, you talk frequently, you write to each other and you see each other when you can.
• Share personal information with you.
• Show initiative and organize different plans.
• She likes spending time with you doing different activities. I mean, dating isn't just about sex. In this article you will find more information about how does a person in love act.

Can a married person love her lover? This case is already more complicated. We are no longer talking about falling in love (a temporary chemical poisoning), but about something much deeper and lasting. When there really is love, when one person loves another, he never consciously hurts him, there is always respect and sincerity. Some signs that that person loves you They are:

• He wants to introduce you to his social and family circle, just as he is interested in yours.
• He wants to maintain a sincere, honest and respectful relationship with you.
• He does not want your relationship to be a secret or for there to be secrets between you.
• You have expectations and future plans for the relationship.
• He cares about your well-being.
• You are a priority in his life.
• It makes you feel wanted, valued, and important.
• When you are with that person you feel peace, tranquility and security.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to I am married and have fallen in love with my lover: what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Garriga, J. (2013). Good love in the couple. When one and one add up to more than two. Barcelona. Destino Editions.
• Ríos, J. C. C. (2005). Relationships of couple, marriage and love. Study on families Vol, 4, 21-29.