Are you worried that your child has numerous aggressive behaviors? You are not the only one. These situations are too common in our society and require a complete analysis that allows a good differential diagnosis to be made. In some cases, aggressiveness is part of normality and with the following of certain behavior patterns, the aggressiveness will be diminished, but in other occasions, the aggressiveness masks another type of pathology or disorder.
Hence the importance of a good evaluation to determine what are the causes of your specific case. In this Online Psychology article we tell you how to act in the face of aggressiveness in children 4 to 5 years old.
Although it may seem strange to us, aggression is a normal part of a child's development. Many children grab toys from their classmates, hit, kick, or yell continuously.
A child of that age is constantly learning new skills, of all kinds: cognitive, manual, social, etc. Each new learning presents him with a new challenge and if he feels overwhelmed or frustrated he may end up lashing out at a playmate or anyone close to him. If your child is in a new situation, to which he needs to adapt and at some point he feels bad, his way of reacting could be to attack a child who is nearby (if there is one).
Other times, just may feel tired or pissed off. And having no other coping strategy, he responds with aggressive behaviors.
Even though you are already in school and we feel you need to control your responses, a learning disability can make it difficult for him to listen, focus on an activity, read... hampering his performance in school and causing frustration. Also, any event in his life like The divorce From your parents or an illness in the family can cause you such pain that you do not know how to handle it and use aggressiveness as a response.
Whatever the cause of your child's aggressiveness, it is likely that he will outgrow this aggressive phase as he leaves. becoming more proficient in their comprehension and language skills to solve the problems that appear in the life. The key is to show him that you will get better results that way than using aggressiveness.
- Be an example: No matter how pissed off you are, try not to yell or hit and avoid telling your child that he is mean. The best way to teach him to change his behavior is by being an example to him and showing him that Physical and verbal aggression are done when one is out of control and that you have to avoid reaching that extreme. So a good example is that you control yourself in situations where you are pissed off and act calmly. If necessary, take some time.
- Set a plan and stick with it: as far as possible he responds in the same way to aggressive behavior. The more predictable you are, the sooner you will establish a pattern that your child can recognize and expect under certain circumstances. Finally, your child will know that certain behaviors that are not appropriate will have consequences and that if he does not want to suffer them, he will have to control himself.
- Respond quickly to aggressive behavior: When your child is aggressive, he tries to respond quickly. It is very important to let him know that what he has done is wrong immediately. You can get him out of the situation he's in for a short time. For example, for a preschooler 3 or 4 minutes may be enough. In the case of an older child, it may be considered appropriate to take away a privilege as a result of aggressive outbursts: less television time, less play time ...
The goal is for you to associate his behavior with consequences and discover that if he hits or yells, he will miss out on something he likes.
- Talk to your child: It is good to wait until your child is more relaxed and talk calmly about what happened. The most suitable moment is the one in which he is already calm, but before he forgets what happened. Ask him if he can tell you why he did it, the trigger. It's important to know how to resolve a conflict assertively and through good dialogue.
Explain that it is natural to get angry sometimes, but that does not justify inappropriate behavior: biting, hitting, pushing, or kicking. It is about teaching him to recognize and understand her emotions by learning other ways to express them.
- Teaches responsibility: If your child's aggressiveness has damaged other people's things, you should help fix it. The point is that if he gets something dirty he should clean it. If he breaks it, let him glue the parts of it, etc. Do not qualify these actions as a punishment but rather as a natural consequence of the aggressive act.
Also, you want to make sure that your child understands that he has to say sorry when he oversteps the limits.
- Reinforce proper behavior: Instead of paying close attention to him when he misbehaves, try to do it when he is doing the right thing. Tell him how proud you are of him. Show him that self-control and conflict resolution are more rewarding and that hitting is the worst possible outcome. It would be interesting to use a calendar stuck on the refrigerator or any visible place in the house, where the rewards are stickers on the days where he has been able to control his temper in a way adequate.
- Control time "in front of the screen": It is important that you try to control the programs and video games that your child watches. On many occasions, programs that a priori seem adequate show inappropriate strategies for children: yelling, aggression ...
Some children have more problems with aggression than others. If aggression is a frequent and serious behavior in your child and, if it also interferes with school or other important activities in the life of a child her age, consult a specialist.
Sometimes an undiagnosed learning or conduct disorder is behind the frustration and anger. Other times, the problem is related to family or emotional difficulties.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
