Before starting a new relationship, it is essential to have completely closed the previous relationship and know for sure that you no longer feel anything for the other person. This is necessary to build a new relationship, based on sincerity and mutual trust, and avoid conflict situations or unpleasant moments for both due to the presence of the ex.
For this reason, in this Online Psychology article we inform you of how to act if your partner does not put limits on his ex. This type of phenomenon is very common today on social networks. This behavior in which exes stay connected across platforms through comments or views is known as orbiting, a new trend linked to ghosting.
When a relationship ends and there is still some feeling for the other person or we have left some unresolved issueIt is very difficult to forget the other person and get them out of our minds. On these occasions, these people keep their ex-partner very much in mind and it is very difficult to set limits, since there is still something to resolve between them.
But this situation negatively influences the current relationship. This lack of limits implies constant arguments and conflicts between the couple, and makes the couple feel insecure and displaced. This can give rise to scenes of jealousy, misunderstandings and difficulties in communication between both members of the couple.
Also, if we add this to the presence of social networks and orbiting, the situation for you can become very acute. Don't you know what orbiting is in social networks? It is a trend of ghosting in which your partner or their ex can keep in touch with their old relationship through views of their content on social networks.
Orbiting, together with the absence of establishing limits to the former, can be understood as a disrespect to current partner and an obstacle to the proper growth of the relationship and positive feelings between the two.
When your partner doesn't put limits on his ex it is important to act from empathy to avoid aggravating the situation. Orbiting is not healthy in a relationship and you have to make it very clear to be true to yourself, but in an assertive way. Here are some pointers so you know what to do if you get orbited and try to resolve the situation:
- express how you feel: it is important that you use empathic communication as a bridge to understand the reason for their behavior, as well as, express how you feel and what it means for you the fact that it does not establish Limits to your ex. Through these kinds of conversations you help your partner to reflect and to realize what it means for you not to do it. In addition, it favors the development of fluid communication between the two.
- work on yourself: the fact of taking care of our mental and physical health, to feel attractive and safe, is essential to avoid appearance of scenes of jealousy and intrusive thoughts that feed back the insecurity itself from the orbiting. To build a healthy relationship it is essential to love yourself well in order to love others well.
- be precise: when you have conversations about said problem it is important that you say things with respect but clearly and concretely so that there is no possibility of confusing the situation or creating misunderstandings
- Prioritize: what to do if you get orbited? If you are in a romantic moment or in which you are enjoying with your partner and, for example, you receive a call or message from your ex, prioritize the moment. That is, avoid bringing up the subject, it is better to ignore the intrusion of the ex to continue enjoying the moment and prevent it from becoming a conflictive situation.
- spot the positive: You also have to assess whether the decision not to put limits on your ex is due to protect yourself and the relationship that you have, since even if it is not the best decision, he could act with good intentions.
- Set your own limits: It is essential that the relationship you currently have has clear limits and rules that allow it to function properly, and avoid situations that you do not want.
The first thing to do when your partner does not establish limits to his ex, is to identify the origin of that decision through communication between the two. For this, it is essential to rule out that it is because you still feel something with your ex. The main signals that your partner still has feelings for his ex are the following:
- keep objects that her ex has given him or remind him / her.
- He gets your name wrong, calling you by his ex's name multiple times.
- keep in touch constant by calls and/or messages.
- Monitor your ex on social networks, that is, practice orbiting.
- They have face-to-face appointments who backs up in front of you with excuses.
- He gives you gifts or has special details with your ex.
- You use overly affective language with your ex.
- Organize outings with mutual friends.
If you liked this article "How to act if my partner does not put limits on his ex", we recommend that you read the following posts to delve into the subject: How to handle my partner's relationship with his ex Y My partner has children and lives a lot with his ex.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
