We have all experienced healthy affective dependence, but when does dependence on the other become a problem? This happens when the other person represents our only goal in life or when we think that it may be him or her who will solve our personal problems.
Emotional hookups also manifest when we see our absolute ideal of love in the other, without having a vision more realistic of its qualities and defects, or when our own existence is secondary to that of our partner.
Thus, in this Psychology-Online article we will delve into the emotional hooks: what they are, why they occur and how to get over them with psychological therapy.
Index
- What is an emotional hook
- Why do emotional hooks occur?
- How to detect emotional hooks
- How to get over an emotional hold
What is an emotional hook?
The commonly known dependency is a term that refers to people being addicted to a substance, to which the individual can become emotionally hooked in a very intense. The same can happen when the addition is a person. In these cases, we speak of emotional hookups as a mechanism that is established
When there is an emotional hook-up, the balance of "giving" and "receiving" affection is upset and love can transform into a true relationship. affective dependence. This psychological discomfort that is capable of living in the shadow throughout a person's life, without However, it is the cause of constant pain and feeds other psychological, physical and relational problems. serious.
When love chains, makes suffer and is a victim of emotional hookups, then we are facing that phenomenon that contemporary psychology precisely defines affective dependence or, in English, love addiction. In full development of a couple relationship, affective dependence is nothing more than loving passion whose result is often suffering and illness.
Why do emotional hooks occur?
Emotional attachments are a mechanism that is perpetuated to avoid facing the fear that the relationship will be broken. relationship, so they are a negative relational condition whose origin can be a large number of factors. This mechanism, which arises in the presence of affective dependence, may be due to multiple circumstances. Let's see those that explain why emotional hooks occur:
- Chronic lack of reciprocity in affective life: tends to create psychological and/or physical discomfort.
- Desire to merge with the other person: who shows the symptoms of affective dependence, has the desire to always remain fused to the other and that this remains unchanged over time.
- Need for protection and low self-esteem: fueled by beliefs according to which one's happiness depends entirely on the proximity of a support person. In this article you will see the characteristics of a person with low self-esteem.
- Negative affective experiences with parents: dependence has its roots in childhood, in the relationship with those who have taken care of us. Those fathers and mothers who become affectionately dependent on their children have probably received the message that they are not worthy of love or that their needs are not important. In these cases, there is a tendency to unrealistically overestimate the other, losing contact with reality.
How to detect emotional hooks.
The symptoms of affective addiction They do not necessarily manifest in a relationship, but can also manifest in relation to a parent, a family member, a family figure or a person of authority. In order to identify them, here is how to detect emotional hooks:
- Obsession towards the other individual.
- Not being able to separate the self from the other and their will from the other.
- Fear of losing love.
- fear of abandonment and to separation.
- Fear of loneliness and distance. In this article, we tell you how to overcome the fear of loneliness.
- Fear of showing yourself for who you are.
- Guilty feeling.
- Feeling of inferiority with respect to the partner.
- Resentment and anger if left out.
- Total participation and limited social life.
- Jealousy and possessions.
How to overcome an emotional hitch.
On few occasions, a level of self-awareness is acquired that is sufficient to autonomously recognize one's own emotional dependence. So, to overcome an emotional hitch, the first step is to get to know yourself and be aware of what your mental schemes are. Only then will it be possible to intervene and redirect this situation.
psychotherapy it can help the affectively dependent patient to recognize the complex cognitive and emotional traps that lead to suffering and unhappiness. A journey of psychotherapy can help the person overcome suffering linked to that state of emotional attachment, in which the other person is experienced as indispensable and necessary for her existence.
In this article you will find information about the different types of psychotherapy that exist. In the presence of emotional hooks, the most recommended is go to a psychologist, because he will be the one who indicates the best techniques and methods to follow in each case.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Emotional hooks: what they are, why they occur and how to overcome them, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.
Bibliography
- Cavaliere, R. (2017). I know not my love, I don't love you. I will break the vicious circle of the affective dipendenza (and not only). Milan: Franco Angeli.
- Guerreschi, C. (2011). The affective dipendence. Ma si può will die anche d'amore? Milan: Franco Angeli.
- IPSICO (2019). Dipendenza affectiva. Recovered from: https://www.ipsico.it/sintomi-cura/dipendenza-affettiva/
