Our way of acting causes a response according to the personality of the people with whom we interact. It is important to be aware of this fact since good social relationships are in our hands much more than we might think. This becomes especially important when we associate, among many other difficult personalities, with aggressive people. In these cases, our conduct will be highly determining for the interaction to lead directly to a conflict or, however, it is conducted on a good path that does not give rise to any manifestation of aggressiveness on the part of this person.
In the following Psychology-Online article we propose 9 ways of acting that can help us a lot to avoid unnecessary conflicts when relating and understanding how to respond to an aggressive person.
Index
- Interact from serenity and calm
- express yourself assertively
- Be patient
- be compassionate
- Empathize and try to understand what the person is asking for
- To be nice
- Subtly encourage and motivate change
- Do not tolerate the trespassing of certain limits
- End the interaction respectfully
- Mistakes you should avoid in front of an aggressive person
Interact from serenity and calm.
First of all, it is essential that when interacting with an aggressive person we try to keep calm at all times. This attitude will be a great shield against the attacks that we can receive from this person.
This is not always an easy behavior, since we all present emotional wounds and when some person addresses us aggressively, all kinds of defense mechanisms are usually activated to protect us. For example, offense, resentment and the same aggressiveness or, on the contrary, fear, flight, avoidance or paralysis.
These interactions can lead to situations with very negative consequences for both parties. For this same reason, it is advisable to work on this attitude of serenity and calm that will benefit our interactions and many situations throughout our lives.
Express yourself assertively.
Assertiveness is the ability to express our opinions and feelings clearly, firmly and peacefully, expressing our opinion to the other person in a calm and respectful way. In this case, act assertively It will help us a lot to constructively manage the small conflicts that arise during the interaction.
In this article you will find more information about Types of conflicts and their resolution.
Be patient.
Infinite patience is a very valuable gift that can calm down certain storms and allows one to adopt a compassionate vision that sees more beyond the manifest behavior, sensing the suffering that is expressed from within the person through the aggressiveness.
Thus, acting patiently In the face of an aggressive person we help to appease their torments and, in the long term, aggressive behaviors can be spaced out over time and lessen their intensity. The reason for this is that the person, even without consciously knowing it, feels protected by our peaceful response, so their aggressive response will lose its defensive sense.
Be compassionate
Along with patience, compassion for the aggressive person becomes another of the attitudes that reduces the manifestation of bad behavior by the aggressor. In this sense, the resentment accumulated by the pain suffered and the inability to find suitable tools to correct that pain, they may have led him to use aggressiveness as the only means of expression and relationship with the world.
The delivery of love, comfort and compassion towards people with great injuries constitutes the best healing therapy for such serious vital traumas. However, it is important not to continually let other people cross our own boundaries. In this article you will find more information about the Consequences of a toxic relationship.
Empathize and try to understand what the person is asking for.
Patience and a compassionate attitude allow one to empathize with the aggressive person by reading between the lines and understanding the message that the other person is trying to convey through aggressiveness. Using calm and assertiveness we can try to offer the person what they need. However, it should be noted that this in no case should it mean submitting to the aggressor and complying with all his wishes, since that would only reinforce his aggressive behavior.
On the contrary, acting in an empathetic way will reduce these behaviors by deeply touching their heart. The aggressive person will at times recover his good conscience and prevent his wishes from being impeded by his submission to the aggressive defensive mechanism.
To be nice.
People with aggressive behaviors are usually, as we have mentioned before, wounded people who have received very little love and good treatment in their lives. In turn, it is normal for this defensive behavior to generate mistrust, fear and withdrawal, in the people with whom they relate, behaviors far removed from the love yearned for by all beings human.
For all this, act with good attitudes with aggressive people such as patience, compassion, empathy, kindness, can become a good tool for healing and personal transformation.
Subtly encourage and motivate change.
As a small part of all this encouraging and consoling behavior that we are offering, subtly encourage and motivate towards profound internal change will lead to the progressive disappearance of aggressive behaviors and a progressive improvement of their personal situation and their social relationships.
Joy has a great power of transformation. Together with the aforementioned components, they will allow the aggressive person to trust us and our good indications.
Do not tolerate the trespassing of certain limits.
Another fundamental aspect to break the aggressive automatism of these people is express clearly that this is not that way of expression is not a good path. It is important that certain aggressive manifestations such as humiliation, verbal abuse, physical aggression, etc., are not tolerated under any circumstances.
Our intention at all times is to help this person to break the automatic inertia of the aggressive response. For this, although it is extremely important to accompany, be empathetic and compassionate, it is no less important not to allow the manifestation of violence in any of its forms.
End the interaction respectfully.
After applying these tips, if we see that over time the person does not change their aggressive behaviors, it would be best to end the relationship that it does not seem that, in any way, it can come to fruition.
Communicating that you want to end the relationship using calm and respect will be important to record that We do not run away out of fear, but we move away because we have already done everything in our power to make the situation get better The rest of the effort will depend on the other person.
Mistakes that you should avoid before an aggressive person.
The main mistakes that we must avoid when we are faced with an aggressive person can be summarized in these three:
- submit at her command.
- Run away and avoid the relationship with this person.
- react aggressively to her behavior.
In the first two cases, the aggressor's aggressive response will be reinforced, which will be a great detriment to both people. The offending person will further strengthen your defensive response mechanism and the person attacked may receive greater or more intense aggressive behaviors from the aggressor. The third case can give rise to strong irrational conflicts that, in the worst case, can end with physical fights of great violence.
In short, trying to carry out, as far as possible, the advice provided in this article will allow the aggressive person reconsider her behavior and begin to look for alternative expressions and free the person who is the victim of her undesirable behaviors and unjustified.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to respond to an aggressive person, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.
Bibliography
- Andre, C. et al. (2022). "How to deal with difficult personalities". Arpa Publishers.
