Zero contact after a breakup occurs when the people separating choose not to communicate with each other for a period of time. During this period, both of you can process the breakup and heal from emotional wounds, avoiding unnecessary confrontations that could further damage the relationship. At the end of the zero contact period, people can meet again from a new perspective and raise his reflections on what did not work and how it could be different in the case of giving himself a second chance.
Even so, it is possible that if your ex has not contacted you again after not speaking for a while, you wonder if it is because she no longer feels the same, that she has forgotten about you, she has decided to take another path or if she simply has fear. In this Psychology-Online article we explain what it means what to do if you have applied zero contact and it does not look for you.
He zero contact It is one of the most effective ways to recover from a breakup, grow as a person, regain control of your life and ultimately get to a position where you have the best chance of winning back your ex.
This time and space in which the separation occurs, on many occasions, helps to realize the importance of the lost relationship, so It is common that after this period, one or both people get back in touch with her ex to promote a rapprochement and a possible reconciliation. If after this period your ex girlfriend has not contacted you, you may be wondering why. Here are some possible explanations.
She needs more time to process the breakup
First of all, your ex may need time to heal and overcome the relationship before looking for you. A relationship breakup is a form of loss and as such requires a grieving process, which includes the stages of denial, anger, negotiation, sadness and acceptance.
Your ex girlfriend may still be dealing with grief after the breakup and it is necessary to her to go through these stages and heal emotionally before contemplating a possible reconciliation with you.
She doesn't want to get back in touch with you
If the relationship ended in a painful way, especially if there were third parties or some other type of betrayal in which trust was damaged, your ex girlfriend may feel hurt and she doesn't want to get back in touch with you.
In this case, your ex could be following her own path, focusing on her life and her own interests and even starting a new relationship at this time.
You are not progressing and you are stuck
If you're not using zero contact time to progress, you're not focusing on recovery and growth or you are not following the goal of zero contact, it is important that you first try to recover from the pain emotional. If you are just focusing on waiting for the days to pass, or are trying to communicate to your partner your discomfort after the breakup and trying to convince her that you should resume the relationship now, it is possible that your ex does not look for you because she does not feel respected for her decision to take time and space.
It is important to keep in mind that each person is different and it has its own reasons and motivations. If you're going through a recent breakup and you don't have communication with your ex-girlfriend, it's normal. feel anguish, sadness or confusion. However, it is important to respect the times of each person and not draw hasty conclusions.
The ultimate goal of zero contact after a breakup is to give both people a chance to heal and process the breakup, reduce tension, conflict and negativity, reflect on their feelings and the relationship, and make thoughtful decisions about whether or not to resume contact in the future.
More specifically, we can know if the zero contact is working taking into account the following signals:
- You reaffirm your value as a person outside of the relationship and you trust that in time the pain will heal. Your personal worth is independent of the relationship, the breakup, and the pain. You are able to recognize and express these difficult feelings, process the emotions related to grief, and trust that the pain will pass.
- You don't put your ex on a pedestalnor do you idealize the relationship. Idealizing a past relationship means remembering only the positives and forgetting the negatives, which is unrealistic. The relationship probably had problems and conflicts, so it was decided to end it, at least for a while. If you are not falling for this error, it is a good sign that the no contact period is working to allow you to see things clearly and move forward.
- You are able to focus on yourself and your own needs. You have not put aside your passions or the activities you enjoy. Continuing with what made you happy before you met your ex helps you stay focused on your objectives and goals, which will help you recover and improve your options to resume the relationship or start a new.
- You don't need to chase your ex, you are able to maintain and respect your limits and theirs, and you do not need to “stalk” him/her on his/her social networks or constantly ask your mutual friends about him/her.
- Painful emotions such as sadness or anger related to the breakup are becoming less intense and frequent. Although the discomfort is still present, it does not limit you in other areas of your life and you can continue to function.
- You are making progress in one or several areas of your life or skills. You are learning a new language, to play an instrument, you have embarked on a journey that you always wanted to do, etc.
- Your ex seems more receptive in this period of no contact. He doesn't need as much time to respond to your texts or calls anymore, and he's not reluctant to meet up with you.
- Meeting your ex does not cause you anxiety: You are calm and you are convinced that even if you love him, you do not have to convince him of anything.
- Although it may seem contradictory, one of the possible effects after the no contact period is realizing you really don't want to get back together with your ex. Zero contact gives you time to reflect on the relationship and the reasons for the breakup.
Undoubtedly, a sign that zero contact has worked is that you have been able to accept the breakup and heal emotionally, and you may have given yourself realize that more important things in your life than the relationship with your ex or understand that your past relationship does not fit with your plans for the future. In the following article you will find more information about How to overcome a break of couple.
Zero contact is a period of reflection, so it is common that after this period without communication, many people realize that they want to return to their loved ones. ex for various reasons, including nostalgia, lack of someone to share experiences with, or simply because they still have strong feelings towards that person. person.
In turn, it is possible that these people are waiting for some kind of sign from their ex that will give them clues as to whether it is possible to resume the relationship. In these cases, it is important to keep in mind that getting back together with an ex is not always the best idea. If after applying zero contact your ex does not look for you, there are some things to keep in mind:
1. Think about what you want
A good starting point for figuring out your situation with your ex is to take a hard look at the reasons why you broke up. Understand the reasons behind the breakup and identifying any behavior patterns or problems that may have contributed to it is essential to learn and avoid making the same mistakes.
It is also important to reflect on what you really want. Therefore, ask yourself what you really miss after the separation. Do you want to get back together or do you just want your ex to realize what she has lost? Do you miss the person themselves or do you miss having a relationship? Do you miss the warmth, the company and what your ex brought to your life, or do you want to avoid the discomfort of feeling alone?
2. Learn from the mistakes made
Typically, people who get back together with their exes after the zero contact period do so because of the growth they experienced during this time. Think about how you behaved during the relationship and if there is anything you could have done differently. If you recognize a mistake, try not to do it again.
Learning from mistakes is important to get an ex back because it allows to understand the reasons behind the breakup and how you could have acted differently. In addition, it helps you avoid making the same mistakes in the future and improve as a couple. Also, show your ex that you are willing to change and work on the relationship.
3. Do your own inner work
The breakup of a significant relationship can cause a great emotional impact, so working on yourself is essential to process and overcome limiting emotions and thoughts. Also, it is important to learn to recognize your behavior patterns, emotional buttons, and cycles in your past and current relationships. In this way, you can build your self esteem and confidence, which will allow you to get back with your ex from a healthier position and not from need and despair.
It is important to deal with any uncomfortable emotions that result. It can be tempting to use this time in unhealthy ways, but if you focus on self-improvement, you'll not only be more happy overall, but you'll also improve your chances of getting your relationship back together and rebuilding it in a stronger and more strong. People who dedicate zero contact to personal growth are the most successful, whether or not they get back together with their ex. All the progress achieved will have a positive impact on your future.
4. Seek a rapprochement with your ex
If after the zero contact period you have come to the conclusion that your ex is worth it and you want to resume the relationship, you can take the initiative and seek a rapprochement with that person. Sometimes people get stuck in a “if he wants me, he'll find me first” mentality.
However, due to the vulnerability experienced after a breakup, it is possible that your ex has also adopted this defensive posture and feels insecure about reconnecting with you. If neither initiates a rapprochement, it will be impossible to resolve this crossroads.
If you are both interested in coming back to be together, reconnecting can lead to a reconciliation. There is nothing wrong with breaking the ice. Dignity is not lost by initiating contact with your ex, but rather deteriorates when she takes the extreme and begs and constantly insists on recovering the relationship when there is no longer anything to do. There is a huge leap between engaging in a conversation and desperately trying to force it at all costs.
5. Do not insist on a clear refusal
As we mentioned in the previous point, fear of rejection or appearing desperate sometimes prevents you from getting an answer and moving on. However, the real problem appears when we have got an answer but we refuse to accept it.
Many people experience tunnel vision after a breakup in which they remain obsessed. with their ex, and they do not accept the breakup, something that can be very dangerous because it implies not respecting their decision. If you have already tried to get in touch with your ex but he shows little or no signs of interest, he is not receptive or he has even blocked, ignored or rejected you, it's time to stop trying and turn page.
6 Accept the breakup and turn the page
Although it is very painful, sometimes couple breakups occur when a person considers that he is happier outside of the relationship, being single or with a new partner. If this is so, you think this person is not the right one for you. The ideal person is the one who wants to be with you and rebuild the relationship together.
If your ex is not looking for you or has made it clear that she no longer wants to be with you, you have to accept that the relationship has come to an end. Accepting this can be difficult, but it is important to move on and move on with your life.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
