Why my partner does not accept his mistakes and blames me

Nobody likes to be wrong. Although we all make mistakes, it is an unpleasant emotional experience for anyone. If your partner does not accept their mistakes and blames you, it may be due to factors such as ego weakness, perfectionism, intolerance of different opinions, arrogance, or to avoid possible criticism.

Despite the awkwardness of the moment, people generally admit when they are wrong and apologize. Even so, there are those who refuse to admit that they are wrong. What happens when a person opposes the facts and does not admit that he has been wrong? This is especially relevant when it comes to our partner. In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you Why does my partner not accept his mistakes and blame me?.

Index

1. ego fragility
2. perfectionism
3. Intolerance of different opinions
4. Arrogance
5. Avoidance of possible criticism
6. Earning profit
7. Feeling self-conscious and fearful
8. Personal history
9. How to help my partner to recognize their mistakes.

Some people have such brittle self-esteem that it is very difficult for them to admit that they are wrong. His fragile ego does not tolerate it and tries to distort reality. In this way, they avoid contemplating that they are wrong and, through their defense mechanisms, distort their perception of reality so that it is less threatening.

For example, a person with a fragile ego will insist that they have correctly identified a thief, despite DNA evidence and someone else's confession. When confronted, they will continue to insist and may rebuke any information source who tries to argue otherwise.

Still, to recognize the ego fragility it is difficult, because to the outside world these people are perceived as firm and confident. However, psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength, but an indication of fragility. These people do not choose to stand their ground, but are forced to do so to protect their weakened egos. Admitting that you are wrong is unpleasant, but it takes courage and strength to deal with that reality and recognize your own mistakes.

Your partner may not own up to their mistakes because they find it unpleasant to be wrong because they see it as an inherent character flaw. You may associate being wrong with being unworthy, imperfect, or of little worth.

This unreasonable need to always be "perfect"drive your ego and they may come to feel that making mistakes is something they cannot afford. The difficulty in admitting failure stems largely from the unrealistic expectation that you will have to get it right every time. These people believe that never admitting that they are wrong makes them stronger and more valuable.

It is possible that by trying to achieve an image of perfection they try to make others perceive them as leaders. However, when a person insists: “I am 100% perfect, I am 100% right all the time”, it is quite difficult for others to believe. They will find it hard to believe and trust her because no one is perfect or always right. In this article, we explain How to stop being a perfectionist.

Some people may be led by the belief that points of view different from their own are wrong. As a result, people who are too focused on their own point of view can become intolerant of opinions different from their own.

This intolerance can result in rigidity in holding on to your beliefs, opinions and ideas. For this reason, they can't stand anyone disagreeing with them. In a way, intolerance of different opinions is also a way of avoiding pain. This type of stubbornness can hinder a person's personal growth and affect their relationships with others.

Arrogance is the belief that a person has that whatever they do, they can do it better than anyone else. This can lead to stubborn behavior, as it makes it difficult to make balanced decisions and recognize mistakes when they are made.

An arrogant person may have difficulty admitting their mistakes due to their belief that they are superior to others and therefore not wrong. They may also be reluctant to admit mistakes due to possible loss of status or power. In addition, they may have trouble perceiving their own behavior and how it affects others.

This is especially problematic when you try to disagree or speak logically to a person guided by arrogance. They may not listen to what you are trying to convey and disregard your arguments, and in the interaction it seems that you are speaking different languages.

If your partner does not accept mistakes and blames you, it may be because they think that the arguments that point to their mistake are critical. So if you anticipate that making a mistake means you'll be criticized for it, you may not recognize it.

Being criticized can make a person feel judged or attacked, which can negatively affect their self-esteem and self-image. In addition, the lack of self-confidence, the lack of emotional skills to handle opinions and ineffective communication will cause the person to avoid feeling criticized.

Thus, when a person makes a mistake and does not recognize it, it is possible that he tends to dismiss it and try to ignore it. comments against his point of view, interpreting them as harsh or unjustified, especially if he is afraid of be criticized.

A person can stay in her mistake and not recognize it when she gets higher profits by holding this mistake than by admitting you were wrong. So if you see that the rewards of staying the same are greater than accepting it, you won't admit that you were wrong. For example, a person can remain in his error if he believes that other people will use it against him or to harm him.

Sometimes a person may not admit her mistakes just because he knows that stubbornness helps him get what she wants. In this case, a person can use her stubbornness when she knows that it is a good way to get what you want or to avoid comments that you find annoying

When this behavior works, it will tend to be repeated in order to continue receiving rewards or avoiding negative consequences. In this sense, not recognizing mistakes can be useful.

When a person does not admit their mistakes it is possible that he feels self-conscious and fearful of the possible consequences that he anticipates that they will come if he admits that he was not wrong or that he was not right. When someone points out bad habits, actions or opinions in another person, they can feel uncomfortable and fearful. She may appreciate that what is being signed up for is something that she does not want or is not willing to change, and anticipate unfavorable consequences.

For example, a person may be unwilling to admit they were wrong if they fear or anticipate that the next time they speak out, their views will be rejected or ridiculed. Thus, she may not be willing to accept what is being raised or admit that her actions are not appropriate.

The relationship between personal history and the inability to recognize mistakes can be complicated. In some cases, past experiences can influence in the way a person clings to her beliefs and decisions, which can lead to her not recognizing her mistakes.

For example, a person who has grown up in an unstable childhood environment may have developed the belief that the opinions of others cannot be trusted. If their parental figures were unconcerned with their well-being, the responsibility and decision-making fell into their own hands.

In this way, the person has learned that others do not provide solutions and will tend to distrust everyone. He will think that he is the only person who is in possession of the correct beliefs and opinions. Therefore, when you make a mistake, you will interpret that others are wrong and you will be suspicious of any argument and reasoning contrary to yours.

When a person points out opinions and behaviors in another that has been wrong, the latter can have its own motives and reasons for not considering it, and not accepting these indications because he considers that he must defend his position.

Here are some tips to help your partner own up to their mistakes:

• Focus on the facts and not on your partner: If your partner doesn't recognize their mistake because they don't see it as a mistake, help them realize why it is a mistake by using specific examples of the facts and how your behavior or opinion has been harmful or does not correspond to reality. Try to avoid personalizing the mistake and don't focus on him or her (“you do everything wrong and you don't have taking care of things"), but in fact ("if you leave the milk out of the fridge it will go bad and we will have to throw").
• Use respectful and constructive language: Make sure you speak in a friendly and non-offensive way. It is important that your partner does not feel judged or disrespected, as this will only encourage them to become defensive and not listen to your arguments. If your partner feels offended, they may not listen to you, so they won't be able to be in an open position to understand another view of the facts and correct their mistake.
• Listen to your partner and avoid blaming him: Ask your partner about their perspective and listen carefully to their answers. When you listen to your partner, you are showing empathy and validating their experience, even if you disagree with it. It's important to remember that the goal is to help your partner recognize their mistake and learn from it, not to judge or put them down.
• Help your partner see the consequences of their mistake: Helping the person realize the consequences of the mistake can help them better understand why it is wrong and needs to be corrected. For example, if your partner always leaves the milk out of the fridge, you can help them realize that it is a mistake because of the consequences it entails: a waste of food and money.
• look for solutions together: If you have suggestions to help fix the bug, please share them constructively and help find a solution to fix the bug. It is also very important to ask your partner what solutions they can think of to avoid that they seem like something imposed and mandatory, and can be part of the solution.
• Help your partner learn from their mistakes: helping your partner to see how they can avoid making the same mistake in the future will help them not to make it again in the future, to grow and to improve. Mistakes are teachers who inform us of those aspects that help us to improve, to grow, to be more empathetic, more resilient, more decisive, and ultimately, better people.

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why my partner does not accept his mistakes and blames me, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Bechen, S. J. (2013). Intrusive partners-elusive mates: The pursuer-distancer dynamic in couples. Routledge.
• LePera, N. (2021). How to do the work: Recognize your patterns, heal from your past, and create your self.
• Offer, S., & Fischer, C. S. (2018). Difficult people: Who is perceived to be demanding in personal networks and why are they there?. American sociological review, 83(1), 111-142.
• Winch, G. (2013). Emotional first aid: Healing rejection, guilt, failure, and other everyday hurts. Penguin.