What to do if my son tells me that he hates me

There is a message that bothers fathers and mothers during their children's childhood, that moment in which in a moment of frustration or as a result of a tantrum, your child expresses his anger through very hurtful. "I hate you" or "I don't love you anymore" are some of the most common messages in these circumstances. When hearing this message from their own eyes, these are words that cause a lot of pain to parents, however, many times children do not they want to express what the words say literally, but it is simply their way of showing their anger at a rule that disgust.

what do in this situation? In this Psychology-Online article we guide you so that you know what to do if your child tells you that he hates you.

Index

1. accept their feelings
2. Don't take his words literally
3. Be patient
4. Rationalize the reason for the child's reaction
5. Try to analyze the cause
6. tell him you love him
7. give him space
8. seek help
9. How to educate emotions in children

Another important point to keep in mind if your child tells you that he hates you is understand the reason for your anger. This does not mean that you have to give in to grant him his whim, but that it is positive that you observe the own anger as a natural reaction of the child when he feels that an external limit breaks his illusions.

Similarly, try to have empathy and validate his emotions to understand that what may not be so important to you from an adult perspective, is for your child. Remembering the anecdotes your parents have told you about your childhood reactions will help you empathize with your child.

If your son tells you that he hates you, don't take it personally. It is very likely that your son loves you, but he is simply upset with you and he expresses it this way.

Also, if it is a little boy or girl, it is likely that at this stage they still do not have the necessary language and resources to explain how they feel. For this very reason, try not to take these words personally.

It is likely that in a few minutes your child has calmed down and his mood towards you has changed. If it's a tantrum and not a consequence of a larger unresolved problem, then this type of anger has a brief and temporary duration.

Thus, try to be patient and stay calm so as not to make the situation worse with hurtful words that can upset him/her even more.

Although these words hurt your affectivity, your son actually expresses this message to show his anger when you set a limit with which he does not agree, so don't ask him why he tells you that he hates you at the very moment he feels anger. Wait until he calms down to talk to him.

Generally, the child manifests this message when he feels hurt for some reason, so in these cases you can help you name your emotions. For example, you can say "I understand that this has made you feel bad and you are angry."

That is, through dialogue and open communication you can help her identify her feelings. Ask him if there is something in particular that is bothering him and try to understand their perspective.

Regardless of what happened, reinforce your child with positive messages of affection. Your response is the demonstration of unconditional love for him.

If necessary, in the following article we will tell you How to set limits for children.

Teens can sometimes need time and space to process their emotions, so don't push too hard if you feel like they're not ready to talk right now. On the contrary, if your son tells you that he hates you let him know you'll be there when he's ready to talk.

Finally, if you notice that negative feelings persist or seem to run deeper, consider seek help from a family therapist or counselor. A professional can provide strategies to improve communication and resolve underlying issues between you and your child.

Here you will find more information about How to improve family life.

You have a main role in your child's education, for this reason, you can help him express his emotions. How to facilitate this learning?

• Ask the child questions: integrate emotional vocabulary into your conversations with your child. For example, you can ask him how he felt at school today. Apply this question to different situations in his routine at different times.
• educational films: a good proposal is the film "Inside Out" (Inside Out), this animated film by Pixar describes through its protagonist Riley the reason why sadness and joy are natural feelings in life.
• When the child cries, don't tell him not to: in this way, the child does not grow up with the idea that he must repress some emotions, but can express them naturally.
• Educate by example: How can you do it? For example, do not focus family conversations on negative aspects of work and routine problems. It is important that you adopt a language of optimism and gratitude towards life through concrete examples, since the child needs them to understand the specific message.
• play with your children: through shared playtime, parents and children create an emotional bond of trust with pleasant anecdotes. In addition, the game is a didactic space to express emotions and feelings in a space of enjoyment.
• Stories are instructive for children: Discuss the story with your child. You can ask him, how do you think this character has been feeling right now?

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do if my son tells me that he hates me, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotional and behavioral disorders.