What is NEED for APPROVAL and how to remove it

All of us have a certain degree of needing to be approved by others. This appears due to our innate survival instinct in which in the past, belonging to a group and not being expelled from it was the key to survival.

Currently, although it is necessary to be accepted in a certain way by others, it is not something essential. In many cases, that need for approval becomes useless and even harmful, since it prevents us from doing many of the things that we would like to do and we stop being ourselves. In this Psychology-Online article, we tell you what is the need for approval and how to eliminate it. We will examine the symptoms it presents and how to eradicate the approval search.

Index

1. What is the need for approval?
2. Symptoms of the need for approval
3. How to eliminate the need for approval?

What does the need for approval mean? It is that the value we give ourselves depends on the approval of others. The need for approval in psychology is defined as the

Due to the need for social approval, in these situations people act based on how they think the evaluator would like it. For example, if they ask us if we drink on weekends, a person with high social desirability would answer no, since he thinks that is what they want him to answer. The reality may be the opposite if you are meeting some friends, but you will not mention it due to the need for approval, acceptance and affection from him.

If this happens to you, in this article, you will find more information about why I always seek the approval of others. Specifically, a person who has a high need for approval, surely, from childhood, has received very negative messages and is used to seeking praise from others when making a activity. In general, they are people with low self-esteem that if they don't get those compliments they feel bad about themselves.

As we mentioned at the beginning, a certain search for approval is natural and healthy. However, we must learn to recognize when that need becomes problematic. Next, we will see what are the symptoms of the need for approval:

• Not expressing your own opinion: in a conversation with other people, when they express an opinion or argument with which we do not agree, if we have a high Need for approval we will not express what we really think and we will agree with the other in order to please and not feel judged. This occurs out of fear that others will get angry or out of fear of making a fool of yourself. Discover how to overcome the sense of ridicule.
• Emotions and self-esteemAnother symptom of the need for external approval is that our state of mind depends on how others have treated us. If you were in a good mood, but when doing an activity you have not received any compliments, you will feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc. The same happens with our self-esteem. Depending on what others tell us about, for example, our appearance, we will feel better or worse about ourselves. In this article, we tell you factors that influence your mood.
• Assertiveness: it is quite common if you have a lot of need for approval the not being able to say no when they ask us for a favor, even though we have to sacrifice other activities or our rest to fulfill the favor. Learn more about this in the following article: what is assertiveness and examples.
• Introversion: Due to the fear of screwing up or attracting attention, it is quite common for it to end by not saying anything. For this reason, in people with a high need for approval, it is common for them to find it difficult to start new activities due to fear of not liking others.
• Physical appearance: Another signal associated with the need for approval is the wanting to be perfect always. At the moment when someone sees us without fixing, we fear that they have a bad opinion of us and do not want to continue being part of our life.

In the next section, we tell you more about what the need for approval is and how to eliminate it from your life completely.

How to eliminate the need for approval? As we have seen, the basis of this problem is self-esteem. It is necessary to learn to send us positive messages to ourselves. Some examples may be the following: "today you look very handsome", "nothing happens if this job is not perfect, even so you are still valuable" or "you are doing well". This would be done instead of waiting to receive such messages from others. In this article, you will see how to improve self esteem.

On the other hand, to eliminate the need for approval in adolescence or at any point in your life, it is It is important to correct those negative messages that we send ourselves when we believe that we have not been approved by the the rest. If someone gets angry with us or does not flatter us, instead of continuing to beat us down, we have to start sending each other positive messages.

Following the line of self-esteem, to reduce or eliminate the need for approval and recognition, it is important perform self-care routines, not to please others, but to feel that we are giving ourselves self-love. Some examples of this could be taking a good bath or learning something new.

To eliminate the need for approval train your assertiveness and your ability to contradict others, say your opinion or say no. You can do this by facing situations or people that you do not care so much about. Maybe it could be a neighbor or an acquaintance from work. Once you manage to do it in these types of situations, you can put it into practice in situations that matter more to you. In any case, the ideal is to do it from the hand of a professional.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What is the need for approval and how to eliminate it?, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.

• Aumann, J., Lanzguerro, S., Velasco, P. and Domínguez, A. (2017). Need for social approval and resources for development in Mexican adolescents. Teaching and Research in Psychology, 22(2), 204-211.
• Franco, C. and De León, V. (2015). Increase self-esteem. Logos High School Science Bulletin, 3(2).
• Kelly, R. TO. (2010). Social skills training: practical guide for interventions. Bilbao: Desclée de Brouwer.