Characteristics or profile of an ASSERTIVE and non-assertive PERSON

The three different styles of communication are passive, aggressive, and assertive. The styles form a continuum, with passive and aggressive styles being the two extremes and assertive style the middle point, that is, the optimal degree. Assertiveness is a way of communicating with others that is essential to have quality social relationships. In order that you can identify them, in this Psychology-Online article, we expose the characteristics or profile of an assertive and non-assertive person.

Index

1. Assertiveness characteristics
2. Characteristics of an assertive person
3. Characteristics of a non-assertive person: passive communication
4. Characteristics of a non-assertive person: aggressive communication

What is assertiveness? The definition of assertiveness consists of a set of practical communication and social skills. Assertive communication is based on I respect towards all parties and its objective is to negotiate an intermediate point between various positions. One of the most important characteristics of assertiveness and assertiveness is the

The assertiveness or assertive attitude It consists of expressing and defending one's opinion, a point of view or ideas, taking into account one's own rights, but also those of others. By respecting the point of view of the other, assertiveness fosters understanding and empathy and allows us to reach a common point.

In the graph below, we can see that assertiveness is the middle point of the continuum of communicative styles, whose extremes and opposites are aggressive communication and passive communication. Both are considered non-assertive communication styles.

People's communication fluctuates on this continuum depending on situations and circumstances, but they have a general tendency towards a communicative style. For example, assertive people can sometimes adopt an attitude characteristic of the passive or aggressive communication style. However, they are categorized in the assertive communication style because they show a general tendency to associate with assertiveness. With the following description and the list of features, you will be able to identify an assertive person easily.

Assertive person: definition

What is an assertive person? The assertive people They are those who practice an assertive communication style. Assertive behavior is based on respect for others and for oneself. Assertive people know their own rights and defend them, respecting others, that is, they are not going to "win", but to "reach an agreement". They follow the method I win, you win.

Assertive person: characteristics

What are the characteristics of an assertive person? The qualities of an assertive person are the following:

1. He speaks calmly and directly. In an assertive person we can observe adequate fluidity, volume and speed, security, direct eye contact, body relaxation, postural comfort and the absence of blockages or fillers. His facial expression is friendly and he smiles frequently. He pauses and silences. He says what he wants to say directly. He knows how to give and receive compliments, as well as ask and answer questions appropriately. His gestures are firm but not abrupt.
2. Express your thoughts and opinions. The assertive person is able to express what he thinks and what he thinks, even if his opinions differ from those of the rest. You can speak openly and honestly about your tastes and interests. He is able to express his disagreement with others and to say "no".
3. Respect the opinions of others. An assertive person knows how to accept their mistakes and knows how to respect the position of others, even if they do not share it.
4. Express your feelings. Assertive people are capable of expressing both positive and negative feelings.
5. It takes into account the rights of all. Assertive people know and believe in rights for themselves and for others. They defend their own while respecting those of others. They do not get too close to their interlocutor, but respect their personal space.
6. Act adaptively. The assertive person adapts to the context and acts in the most effective way in each situation.
7. You have a healthy self-esteem. The assertive person does not feel inferior or superior to others, he does not need to demonstrate anything through aggressive communication. Feels good about herself and does not intend to hurt others.
8. They communicate from serenity. Another of the qualities of assertive people is that they speak from calm and when the emotional intensity has diminished, producing the feeling of emotional control.
9. Your goal is the middle ground. An assertive person is not interested in getting what he wants at any price, but in reaching an agreement between the two parties and that both benefit.
10. Has successful and fruitful interpersonal relationships. Assertive people enjoy interpersonal relationships. Their way of communicating encourages them to be well valued by others and makes it easier for them to have a supportive social network.

Assertive person: examples

An example of dialogue with an assertive person:

• Person 1: "Hello! Did you bring me the book that I left you? "
• Person 2: "I have not brought it, again I have forgotten."
• Person 1: "I understand that you are busy in many things, but I need the book and many times you forget, what do you think if tomorrow I send you a message to remind you?"
• Person 2: "Perfect!"

Am I an assertive person?

To know if you are an assertive person you can do the following Assertiveness test free, online and with immediate results.

A non-assertive person is one who has a tendency to an assertive communication style, that is, passive or aggressive. Next we will look at these communication styles in detail.

Passive communication: characteristics

The characteristics of a passive person are the following:

1. He speaks little and low. In a passive person we can observe that he speaks with a low volume of voice and in a not very fluent way, presents blockages, stutters, hesitations, silences and fillers. People with a passive communication style use the words "maybe" and "I guess" a lot. They ask few questions and respond with few words. They speak fast and unclear. They do not maintain eye contact, their gaze is downcast, their face is tight, their teeth are clenched and their lips are trembling, their hands are nervous, and their posture is tense and uncomfortable. They smile little and make nervous movements.
2. He does not express his thoughts and opinions. The passive person is not able to express what he thinks and what he thinks, especially if his opinions differ from those of the rest.
3. Puts the opinions of others first. A passive person respects the opinions of others and puts them before his own. This way they avoid annoying or offending others. They are "sacrificed" people who live worried about satisfying others.
4. He does not express his feelings. Passive people often feel misunderstood, manipulated and ignored, but they don't show it. So they present emotional dishonesty. Although they get angry, they do not show anger or disagreement, they do not express their true feelings. In the following article you will find why is it so hard to express feelings.
5. It takes into account the rights of others. Passive people put the rights of others before overriding their own. They respect others scrupulously but do not respect themselves.
6. She acts out of fear. The passive person feels insecure and does not want to disturb others.
7. You have low self-esteem. The passive person has the low selfsteem, does not feel good about herself and therefore needs to be loved and appreciated by everyone. Consequently, he acts to please others.
8. They hold others accountable. Passive people frequently complain about others: "X does not understand me", "And he is selfish and takes advantage of me", and so on.
9. Your goal is not to anger. A passive person is terrified of conflicts, does not know how to deal with disagreement with others and is unable to think about the possibility of facing someone. Therefore, prioritize the opinions and wishes of others at any cost.
10. Has unhealthy interpersonal relationships. Passive people cannot enjoy social relationships. Maintaining this communicative style causes frequent feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness and helplessness.

Passive communication: example

An example of common responses by a passive person is the following:

• Person 1: "Hello! Did you bring me the book that I left you? "
• Person 2: "I have not brought it, again I have forgotten."
• Person 1: "Well, nothing happens, it doesn't matter."
• Person 2: "It doesn't bother you, does it?"
• Person 1: "Well, I needed it today, but it's the same."
• Person 2: "Well, I'll bring it to you tomorrow, okay?"
• Person 1: "Okay."

Non-assertive people are those who have a tendency to behave passively or aggressively. The aggressive communication style is the opposite of the passive, it is the other end of the continuum. At both extremes, the ideal would be to work the social skills to get closer to the center.

Aggressive communication: characteristics

The characteristics of an aggressive person are the following:

1. He talks a lot and loud. In an aggressive person we can observe that he speaks with a high volume of voice, quickly and sharply. He uses imperatives and derogatory language with foul language and even insults and threats. Throw lots of linked questions and respond quickly. In eye contact a defiant attitude is perceived. They tend to show tense face and hands and adopt a body posture that invades the interlocutor's personal space, so that he or she feels invaded and intimidated. He gestures with threatening movements.
2. Express your thoughts and opinions without filter. The aggressive person expresses what he thinks and believes without taking into account the feelings of others.
3. Put your opinions and wishes first. An aggressive person expresses her wishes and opinions as the only valid options. Does not respect the opinions of others. Sometimes he doesn't even allow them to express them.
4. He expresses his emotions in an uncontrolled way. Aggressive people often have sudden outbursts of aggressiveness. These outbursts are usually quite uncontrolled, as they are the result of an accumulation of tension and hostility. He lacks the social skills to be able to regulate his expression.
5. It does not take into account the rights of others. Aggressive people defend their interests without respecting the rights of others.
6. She acts out of fear. The aggressive person thinks that if they do not behave in this way, she is excessively vulnerable.
7. You have low self-esteem. The aggressive person does not feel good about himself and therefore needs to be respected by others, defend himself by attacking and "win" the other in communication.
8. He does not listen. The aggressive person communicates in a unidirectional way, does not listen and has an attitude of contempt towards others.
9. Your goal is to win. An aggressive person cannot bear that things do not go the way they want. He thinks that the important thing is to get what he wants at any price.
10. Has unhealthy interpersonal relationships. It's complicated dealing with aggressive people and cause rejection in others. So they may feel lonely, frustrated, misunderstood, and guilty. Your attitude of contempt and disrespect can generate great conflicts in your interpersonal relationships.

Aggressive communication: example

An example of a dialogue with an aggressive person is the following:

• Person 1: "Hello! Did you bring the book I left you? "
• Person 2: "I didn't bring it, I've forgotten it again"
• Person 1: "But it's the fourth time you've forgotten!"
• Person 2: "I was going to take it, but in the end I forgot"
• Person 1: “It's always the same, you don't remember anything. I want it right now. ”

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Characteristics or profile of an assertive and non-assertive person, we recommend that you enter our category of Social psychology.

• Horse, V. AND. (1983). Assertiveness: definitions and dimensions. Psychology studies, 4(13), 51-62.
• Castanyer, O., & Ortega, E. (2003). Why can not I be assertive? Desclée de Brouwer.
• Mayer-Spiess, O. C. (1996). Assertiveness: expression of healthy self-esteem. Desclée de Brouwer.