When we speak of emotional attachment we refer to that emotional bond that is generated between a baby or child and the adult who cares for it, usually the father or mother. In 1958, the psychologist John Bowlby was the first to describe and study the types of attachment that exist and to this day his theories continue to be valid. Among Bowlby's discoveries are that during the first few years of a person's life, it is necessary have a stable figure so that they can have a correct emotional and cognitive development in their years later. But is there also attachment in adults?
Although attachment develops in childhood, the type of attachment that we have experienced during it is decisive in our way of bonding with others, especially in terms of relationships, in our adult lives. But what types of attachment exist? In what way do they manifest themselves? In this article from Psychology-Online: emotional attachment in adults: types, causes and symptoms, we are going to provide you with detailed information about this topic.
Index
- Types of emotional attachment in adults
- Symptoms of emotional attachment in adults
- Causes of emotional attachment in adults
Types of emotional attachment in adults.
There are different styles of emotional attachment in adult love relationships, which correspond to the attachment style generated in childhood. Below we will explain in detail each of the attachment styles that exist, how they develop from children and how they are manifested in the adult couple relationships.
Secure attachment style
These are children whose parents have made them feel loved and accepted all the time within the family system, through the demonstration of affection, empathy and availability. Children whose parents have known how to regulate their emotions through affection and being with them unconditionally. So adults who grew up with this type of attachment during childhood are people to bond with with their Couples find it simple and pleasant, they allow themselves to depend on their partner emotionally as well as that this also they. They know enjoy intimate relationships, Without worrying about what might happen later, either that your partner may leave you or that they ask you for a greater commitment. They also know how to express their needs, desires and feelings to the other person without problems.
Avoidant attachment style
Children whose parents have behaved with them in a distant and even cold way, were slow to satisfy their needs and between them and the child there were little affective contact. That is to say, the child was ignored on many occasions and was left in the background, to comply with his needs was not important to the parents and this was constantly demonstrated through their acts. Neither did they express affection or affection since they surely did not receive it from their parents either. These children as adults feel uncomfortable and even upset when their partner begins to seek greater closeness and intimacy. They have a hard time trusting totally in her partner, letting themselves be carried away and emotionally dependent on her as well as showing affection and affection.
Anxious / Ambivalent Attachment Style
They are children who always tried to stay close to their attachment figure, who are very dependent on it and who feel a lot of anxiety when it separates from them and even before they do so. These are mothers or fathers who acted inconsistently with their children, causing dependency towards them and saw solely for their own convenience without thinking about what was really best for their sons. Adults who have grown up with this type of attachment are often quite fearful and insecure about their relationships. loving, they have a constant fear that they may be abandoned and they try to generate a very close bond with their partners so that this does not happen. All this causes that in many occasions the couple or the suitors they have move away from them. These types of people are highly dependent.
Disorganized / disoriented attachment style
These are children whose parents have behaved towards them in unpredictable and highly incoherent ways. So sometimes they could give them affection, other times they could not show them anything and other times they could behave extremely distant, as if there was no real connection between what they they did. They tend to commit quite a bit of negligence when it comes to taking care of the child and are sometimes extremely irresponsible. So the children are quite affected and finally fail to have a clear pattern of behavior. They are people who perceive the world as threatening and try to protect themselves from it by manifesting apparently unconnected behaviors that are more like defense mechanisms to face their pain.
Adults who have grown up with this attachment style often have quite dramatic and troubled relationships with many ups and downs. On the one hand they are afraid that they may be abandoned but on the other it is difficult for them to have too much privacy. People who can become very dependent on their partners when they feel rejected and feel asphyxiated when the partner is the one who seeks more closeness. Many times it seems that there is no connection between what they do and what they feel.
Symptoms of emotional attachment in adults.
After having explained what the different types of emotional attachment consist of, we are going to introduce you to what are the symptoms or characteristics that people who present each of they.
Symptoms of the secure attachment style
- Accept to depend emotionally on the partner and that the partner depends on them.
- Feel happy for the well-being of the partner
- They like to spend time with their partner but they also know how to give them their space
- They feel secure in the love they feel for their partner and that their partner has for them
- They do not live with the worry that their partner is going to leave them even though they know that they are things that can happen to everyone
- They accept when the couple does not want to continue with the relationship despite the natural pain that this may cause them
- They know how to enjoy intimacy and closeness in a relationship with a partner
Symptoms of eavoidant attachment style
- They are distant and even cold with the partner
- It generates anxiety and discomfort that the couple seeks a higher level of intimacy and commitment
- Avoid emotional dependence on the partner
- They find it difficult to express their feelings and emotions
- They lend themselves a lot to long distance relationships
- They place great value on independence and personal autonomy
- They easily overcome rejections since they do not give much importance to romantic relationships
- The couple is usually not their priority
Anxious / Ambivalent Attachment Style Symptoms
- They base their happiness almost exclusively on the couple's relationship
- They have a constant fear of being abandoned
- They feel insecure if they are not close to the partner
- Much of your emotional energy and day-to-day thoughts are based on your relationship.
- They try to interpret what the partner says or does all the time
- They often feel that the partner does not love them as much as they want, so they tend to be very demanding with her in terms of how much they show their love.
Disorganized / disoriented attachment style symptoms
- They can love and hate their partner at the same time
- Their relationships tend to be very conflictual and dramatic.
- It seems that what they do and what they feel is not in tune
- They are prone to developing a Borderline personality disorder or a histrionic one
- With their attitude they often confuse their partner as to what they feel
- It can cause them a lot of fear of being abandoned and they can feel dependent on their partner, especially if they are rejects them and when the partner shows emotional dependence towards them they usually feel asphyxiated and uncomfortable
Causes of emotional attachment in adults.
As we have seen previously, all people from childhood develop an attachment style different depending on the relationship we have had with our attachment figures or caregivers direct. But why have our parents instilled in us one style of emotional attachment and not another? On what does it depend that we have grown up with a certain type of emotional attachment?
The emotional attachment style that we have received from our parents is consequence of the one they also received in their childhood. The fact that our parents have related to us in a certain way and not in another, has been because their parents also They have treated like this and therefore this is the way in which they know how to act and show affection, at the moment they have no other way of do it.
It is not about blaming our parents, in case we are not comfortable with the way they we interact romantically with other people, it is about being aware and knowing the origin of it. So if we now better understand where our way of acting can come from and therefore relate to the couple, it will be easier to start making the pertinent modifications to heal and to be able to relate in the way we want to with others.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Emotional attachment in adults: types, causes and symptoms, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.
