What is it to be a narcissist? How do narcissistic people behave with their partner? Narcissistic people in love do not tolerate frustration, that is, they will not be able to accept the absences of the loved object. For example, you will not tolerate when you do not answer the phone, when you are not available at the time you want And when he wants, he will not be able to bear the frustration of her partner doing things without him or her. Therefore, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with a person with these traits.
In this article we talk about the narcissistic personality in the couple through 16 keys so you can identify it. Is your partner a narcissist?
Index
- He wants you to be the way he or she wants
- Wants your attention always
- Jealous of everything
- Wants to control everything
- Does not tolerate rejection
- Wants to know everything about you
- He manipulates to get what he wants
- Have any addiction
- They have unrealistic thoughts about him or her
- Suppress and act against what you feel
- Constantly seek gratification
- Look for insecure people
- Find couples who have a need to help
- Has relationships with many conflicts
- Doesn't recognize his narcissism
- Do not usually leave their partners
He wants you to be what he or she wants.
A person with a narcissistic personality wants her partner to be exactly what he or she wants. A person with narcissism, for example, will not tolerate that his partner has different tastes to yours, beliefs or very different opinions.
He wants your attention always.
One of the main traits of a narcissistic partner is that can't stand the absence of the loved object (that he leaves her messages in view or that he does not answer the phone when she calls him).
In this article we talk about how a narcissist in love acts.
He is jealous of everything.
A narcissistic person will not bear that the attention of the loved object is focused on another person (on the siblings small happens that they do not like to share mother's attentions, in sexual partners they cannot bear to live with friends).
Generally these people begin to create conflicts (many times invented, for example: I think that friend of yours does not like me, I think that your family does not like me) with people who can be a threat and are making the couple aware of how pathological the relationship. They ask you to choose between your partner and friends.
In this article we explain what is jealousy in psychology.
He wants to control everything.
He will try to be in control of every situation and aspect of relationships (schedules, friendships, tastes, ideals). A narcissistic partner presents attitudes of jealousy and constant control as check social media and phone, ask or steal passwords of social networks and telephone, secretly follow the couple to find out where you are going, ask third parties to keep you informed about what the other is doing when he is not present, ban friendships...
For example, at the slightest displeasure and although it seems irrelevant to the couple, the narcissist will propose that they talk because they have many things to do. resolve, he may even write notes about what he will demand of her in the next conversation - what makes him feel that he has the control-.
Does not tolerate rejection.
The narcissistic subject does not tolerate discontinuity, the "no" does not tolerate that something he wants is denied. Someone with a narcissistic personality will not tolerate negatives, such as not accepting a date for example.
Why does the narcissist not tolerate rejection? Biologically it is impossible that there is no discontinuity. Not all the demands of the child can be satisfied, however, there are parents who reward in advance or at the slightest claim they fulfill the wish of the son.
How does a narcissist react to rejection? The reaction of a rejection by a narcissist is generally experienced with great anguish. When generating great frustration and discomfort, they look for any way to alleviate the sensations. Some of the most common ways a narcissist reacts to rejection could be the following
- Manifest symptoms of anguish: irritability, feelings of guilt, catastrophic thoughts, hopelessness, emptiness in the chest, shortness of breath, increased breathing rate, motor restlessness, difficulty in to concentrate.
- Anhedonia.
- Changes in eating behavior.
- Alteration of the cycle sleep-wake.
- Sometimes they react very anger and aggressiveness immediately upon submission of the rejection. In this article we talk about fits of anger.
- Often there is a addiction that contributes to the relief of his symptoms of anguish (when he feels frustrated he seeks to alleviate his discomfort with alcohol, recreational substances, opiates, sex, gambling ...).
- Some may have symptoms similar to that of a panic attack: palpitations, pounding of the heart or increased heart rate, sweating, feeling short of breath and dizziness, nausea or abdominal discomfort, chest pain, sensation of heat, paresthesias (tingling sensation), derealization (feeling of unreality or living a dream), depersonalization, fear of losing the control...
- Easy cryIt can even become a loud and desperate cry.
- They insist that they be pleased with what they want, but if they do not achieve it by demand, they try to abnegation (victimization).
In this article we explain what happens when you ignore a narcissist.
He wants to know everything about you.
He will not bear that the couple has a private and / or personal life, proposing most of the time that he tell him everything does and does not keep secrets from him (romanticizing even the situation, saying that love is about sharing everything you know makes).
He manipulates to get what he wants.
Constant manipulation is observed in a narcissistic couple. Generally, narcissistic people they present themselves as victimsFrom saying that he feels very sad when he is not with him to saying that he will commit suicide if they leave him. In this article we talk about emotional blackmail in the couple.
He has some addiction.
Often these people have some type of addiction that they flatly deny or hide very carefully (alcohol, sex, pornography, games) .In this article we talk about the different types of addictions and their consequences.
They have unrealistic thoughts about him or her.
Narcissistic people tend to have thoughts of omnipotence, magical, superstitious, lax and disintegrated. This frequently makes them appear paranoid by referring to others as conspiring against them (for example, they say "I feel that if the sky is gray it is a sign of that you and I are wrong "," if I dreamed that you were unfaithful to me surely you are actually doing it "," the other time I saw them talking very low in the room and I'm sure they spoke badly about my"...).
One test that Freud uses to prove primary narcissism is the attitudes of children and primitive peoples. Freud realized that both children and primitive peoples have attitudes that he classifies as narcissistic: they tend to believe in magic or in the omnipotence of their thoughts, that is, if they think something too much, this will manifest itself in the reality. This is clear proof of a narcissistic attitude and therefore this is how a narcissist will develop in their relationships.
Suppress and act against what you feel.
The person with a narcissistic personality presents reactive training, which consists of exaggerating a feeling contrary to meaning (often anger or aggression). It represses the aggressive impulse and manifests it as the opposite in an exaggerated way (of tenderness and care).
Constantly seek gratification.
"If my partner does not answer me, I will find the way in which things are the way I want, if he leaves me, I will do everything to have pleasure." Yes a person is used to constant pleasure, caprice and pretense are sustaining a relationship where pleasure is constant. This is called narcissism.
One of the first frustrations that the human being faces is the discontinuity of pleasure: Mom was not entirely at my disposal, she also satisfied her wishes. My mother's only wish was not me. It is the mother who teaches us to tolerate frustration: if at the slightest feeling of frustration and increased energy we are pleasure so that we don't cry we are taught to seek pleasure immediately.
Look for insecure people.
The ideal partners of a narcissist many times they are people who in their childhood have been traumatized or suffered separation from their parents. But of course, it is not a proven profile, but rather, most of them determine much easier to relate to people who They seek to fill voids and heal past pains since they require the insecurity of the other to establish themselves in a relationship.
Find couples who have a need to help.
A narcissist complies with what Freud determined about neurosis, where everything that is hated about the model is repeated. They also seek to fill gaps and feel safe. A large number of these relationships where one of them has a high level of narcissism is complemented by another person with neurotic, perhaps obsessive, perhaps hypochondriacal, or phobic needs that lead you to seek to someone to heal, care for, tolerate to feel full.
He has relationships with many conflicts.
Can a narcissist love? Narcissistic relationships are full of a lot ambivalence, that is to say, that at the same time that it manifests so much love (almost in a sense of infatuation), there is much hate towards the same loved object. This is one of the reasons why there are so many conflicts in this type of relationship and for which there is a reason for consultation in the office.
A narcissist can express that he loves someone so much, but always subjugated by a varied repertoire of pathologies implicated in his narcissistic condition.
You don't recognize your narcissism.
In the narcissistic personality we observe denial constant narcissistic problem, no capacity for introspection or altered introspection. This type of pathology can be intervened by a psychotherapy process, but many times the person will not accept to receive it due to the same condition. A narcissist can change, as in most pathologies, accepting that there is a problem in itself that causes many limitations. Can a narcissist change? Only by accepting faults can a relationship be structured with less ambiguity and more love.
He does not usually leave his partners.
Does a narcissist abandon their partners? Generally, narcissists do not easily abandon their partners Despite having been hurt, humiliated or deceived by them, even if the partner is the one who has ended the relationship, the narcissist will keep insisting for a long time.
They may abandon their partners, but even after the relationship has ended, he persists in maintaining an ambiguous bond with them (he continues to write, search, call).
Narcissists, and often obsessive neurotics, they don't want to feel guilty or regret leaving someone, and they have a very rigid moral code that makes them believe that it is better that they leave them and that they hurt them so that they can feel like people capable of loving and forgive.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Narcissistic personality in the couple: keys to identify it, we recommend that you enter our category of Personality.
Bibliography
- Sigmund Freud. (1895). A project of a psychology for neurologists. Editorial Alliance.
