They say that it is possible to know when a relationship or relationship dynamics begins but not when it ends. There are love stories that continue and there are still pending issues to be resolved, even long after they have opted for separation and after a while they return for a second chance.
This happens because many relationships end not because their love has run out or because they discovered that the other was not the person for them, but rather because they did not quite fit together as a couple and finally communication problems and misinterpretations made them distance.
In this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about whether second chances in love work and how to order them.
All relational dynamics are different and each couple is different. Each couple has a unique type of connection and feels or expresses their love in a particular way. There may be behavior patterns that we share with our previous partners, but each new relationship has new components and brings out unknown parts of us.
Each beginning or end of a relationship is different too and there are couples who once they end they do so permanently and others who are more likely to return for a second chance. Is there always a second chance in love? This it will depend on many factors, but a very important one is how clear they see the break and the reasons for it. Let's see what it depends on:
- The reasons for the break were not serious: Couples who tend to try again after finishing, are couples in which love and desire still exist and the reasons for the breakup were not due to a major betrayal.
- Issue to be resolved: they were not able to reconcile at various points in the relationship and the disagreements were greater than the agreements. When this happens, an unresolved matter remains unconsciously in the couple.
- Wanting to meet again: The feeling of having something unsolved can lead one or both members of the couple to seek a reunion in order to try to resolve what they previously could not resolve.
To know if second chances in love work, it is important analyze why the relationship ended. You have to look for both the apparent reasons and the underlying reasons that are a little more unconscious. This is key so that a second chance in the relationship can work, since only then can they generate a new dynamic and try a relationship with a future this time. Next, we will see what is important for a second chance to work.
Reflect on the reasons for the breakup
Do second chances in love work? For them to do so, it is essential that both members of the couple reflect on the reasons of the breakup and the changes that are necessary to generate a second chance in the relationship and that this time it works. If this does not happen, possibly in a short time the relationship will turn into the same thing that led to a breakup in the past. In this article, we tell you How to overcome a break of couple.
Work on emotions associated with the breakup
Another essential step for second chances to work is to personally work on the emotions associated with this breakup. When a relationship ends, there is a tendency to see the bad in the other and there is a tendency to reproach her behavior, actions and way of being and to hold anger and resentment. It is important put things in perspective and keep in mind that not everything is black or white.
Be aware of the aspects that need to be worked on
It is important to commit to the change and, if you consider it necessary, to seek help from a third party who help them to see the point of disagreement and generate a bridge that brings together both personalities and ways of to be. A couple that has reflected and is aware of what needs to be worked on, feels greater clarity, what gives you motivation and enthusiasm to fight for the relationship in this new opportunity.
They are couples who can build, since they seek a behavioral or attitudinal change that generates a change in the previous dynamic and that leads them to a good result. The motivation to try again and fight for the relationship is more pure and genuine.
Know the risks of getting back together with your ex
You have to be aware of the risks that second chances in love carry. There is no total certainty that this time things will work out between the couple. To the extent that the couple commit to work and the level of motivation they feel for being together, there will be more or less chances that things will work out for both of them.
What is very necessary is take this new chance like a new start and not as an extension of the past relationship, since otherwise we will probably continue repeating the same mistakes. Seeing a second chance as a new relationship will allow you to build and rebuild a better foundation.
How do you get a second chance? Next, we will see how second chances in love are achieved and what to do in this situation:
- Be aware of what you wantBefore asking for a second chance in love, it is important to analyze what you feel and so when talking about these things with your ex partner you will have clearer thoughts and feelings.
- Be clear about what you want to ask or propose to the other: to avoid confusion and interpretation that misunderstands your message. Communicate what you feel, what you want, what you think happened, the solutions that have occurred to you, what you have been able to process and think in this separate time and take the time to listen to what the other has to tell you.
- Give him time to digest and process what you just told him.: do not stay with the first thing they answered, since many times we respond automatically, but at the same time our opinion changes when we better process all the information we receive. Keep in mind that you have had a lot of time to think about things, but that perhaps it is the first time that your ex partner thinks about them like you.
- Set clear goalsIf your partner agrees to a second chance, set clear goals to do things differently this time and consider asking for help.
- Accept rejection: it is one of the possibilities and it is good that we consider it from the beginning. If your ex-partner decides to turn the page to the relationship, be satisfied that you tried, live your grieving process, but do not be discouraged. If things didn't work out, it's for some reason.
In this article, you will find more information about how to ask for a second chance.
Why give a second chance? If you doubt whether to give your ex a second chance or not, the first thing you have to assess is what you really want. It is important that analyze the reasons why you want to return to the relationship and consider whether it is possible to resolve the conflicts that caused the breakup earlier.
To make this decision, you must take into account some common reasons that can influence the desire to want to return with your ex. Some of the reasons that make you want to get back with your ex, but that should not be your compelling reasons are:
- Go back with an ex out of necessity.
- Going back with an ex out of habit.
- Return to a relationship for fear of being alone.
- Going back with an ex for fear of not finding another person to occupy that place.
- Going back with an ex with the feeling that everything bad was due to the other's mistakes and being aware of your part or vice versa.
- Go back with an ex when you no longer love him.
- Going back with an ex for the children, for a house or for another reason unrelated to the relational dynamics.
- Going back with an ex without taking time to reflect on the relationship.
- Going back with an ex out of grief, guilt, or prioritizing the other person's feelings and desires before your own.
- Going back with an ex that you know he hurts you and will continue to hurt you.
The most important thing when making the decision is to value yourself. If your reasons for giving your ex a second chance are among the above, we recommend this article about how to stop thinking about your ex.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
