For Vanessa Gomez Fernandez. February 21, 2018
According to statistics from the Family Policy Institute, in September and October there are more couple breakups, In fact and more specifically according to these data, one in three couples will end their relationship at this time of the year.
A break is synonymous with loss. Whether it is a decision made by ourselves or because our partner has communicated it to us, when the loved one He is not by our side, the pain and despair remain with us, and a priori, it seems that they are not going to go away.
In this PsychologyOnline article, we are going to give a series of useful tips to get over a breakup, to be able to start over and move on.
The break (for the person who has the role of left in the relationship) is also interpreted as a rejection, that we are no longer the chosen ones, which generates a feeling of emptiness and melancholy.
Every person who is overcoming a breakup goes through a mourning phase, characterized by negative thoughts about the future (thinking that we are no longer important or essential for our partner, that we are we will not be in the significant moments of his life, that we will not find love, wondering how we can move forward without our partner…). Lack of interest in the topics that used to occupy our time (not wanting to go out, laziness when going to work, hang out with friends ...) and feelings of sadness, apathy, decreased or increased appetite, drowsiness or insomnia…
There is a diversity of reactions to the loss of a loved one, the only thing that all manifestations have in common is the pain before the march of our life of the person we love so much and that our heart has remained damaged.
When a relationship ends, it is necessary reflect on what happened and give him an explanation, which will allow us to close that chapter and turn the page. As strange as it may seem, ending a relationship not only brings absences and memories, it also has positive aspects.
According to Walter Riso, with the break we learn what it is that we do not want or are not going to tolerate in future relationships. Being clear about what is not going to be negotiated or endured or sacrificed in the future is a great advance for the subsequent couple relationship to be successful.
How can we learn from this relationship to avoid future mistakes? This author indicates a series of reflections with which we will obtain the positive from our break up and thus avoid disappointments regarding Love.
Attending to this author, one of the reflections would be that of know why the relationship ended. Many people do not know what happened, and even state that the news was a surprise to them, or they did not consider so much magnitude the discussions and disagreements that were taking place in the relationship, so that they were sufficient reasons to put him end. To achieve this, we will examine the relationship with perspective and see what happened, know how we have been able to make mistakes, take responsibility for possible mistakes and see what we can do to avoid making them in the next relationship.
Also important is become aware of what was given in that relationship. We will analyze the situations in which we wanted to say no and we said yes. This usually happens because we have not set limits on our relationship. But… What stopped us from putting them on? Why did we stop being ourselves and give in to what our partner required of us? It could be the fear of loneliness, dependence on that person, family pressure... For these or other reasons, many times we do not express our needs. Learning to assertively communicate feelings and emotions makes the couple's relationship more authentic, misunderstandings are avoided, and answers and questions are taken for granted.
As for the wounds that a separation causes, with time and personal work, they will heal and you can start over. Take time to get to know yourself, be with yourself and rebuild your self-esteem, since in these cases it is usually damaged, and work on the sense of independence.
It will be necessary that little by little you start rebuilding your life, readjusting to the new situation: being without a partner. This loneliness also has its pleasant part, it is important to be able to take care of oneself, to be able to make decisions freely, to resume old friends, doing leisure activities that you did not practice before, being aware of and responsible for your mood and feelings…
Rosa Montero, in her article "Heartbreak Stings", says: "First, that one cannot go through life without staining and hurting oneself, and that everything important has a price: and thus, the pain of heartbreak (and daring to face it) is the price of your ability to love and of that glorious intensity, pure life, that passion offers you. Second, that in all breaks you learn something. And third, that love is not in the other, but in yourself: if you once loved, you will do it again. And being wiser. "
After a breakup, we also have the chance to meet other people, other people who love us (and well), pamper us, make us feel special. Love is an emotion that occurs randomly, that is, at any moment that person can appear with whom to share a new relationship and live a fascinating love story.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.