SEPARATE at 40: why and how

Times have changed and so have the possibilities. Separations are increasingly common in couples with or without children. This is not to say that your relationship cannot last, but if it does not go well, separating is an option that is no longer considered so complicated.

Any break-up can be difficult, however, after certain ages you have more things in common (mortgage, children, friends…) and perhaps that makes the separation more complicated. Is it possible to separate at 40? When to make the decision to separate? How to separate after so many years of marriage? In Psychology-Online we tell you why many couples consider separation at that age and how you can survive at the end of a relationship of years: why split up at 40 and how to do it.

Index

1. Why they split up at 40
2. Crisis of the 40s and separation
3. How to get over a breakup at 40
4. How long does it take to get over a divorce

What happens around age 40 that so many couples decide to separate? At that age there are usually a series of factors that make many people consider their life.

• On the one hand, it begins the maturity, things are clearer. You doubt less about what you really want, or it makes you happy.
• Also, around that age you have probably lost an important person in your life. And when that happens, it usually marks a before and after. That makes you rethink your life.
• On the other hand, in the middle of life, which in our society is usually between 40 and 50 years old, you begin to be aware of old age and the end of life.

All those circumstances make you begin to evaluate what you have and what you wanted to achieve, but it fell by the wayside. Maybe your priorities change. Maybe what you considered necessary before now you see as a complement because what you really want is to enjoy the things that life gives you. Perhaps learning something that you could never study or working in a job that brings you less money, but more satisfaction. And maybe one of those changes is your partner.

Is named middle age crisis or midlife crisis (between 40 and 50 years or so) to that stage, which we have seen in the previous section, in which a person rethinks his life.

If one of the members of the couple change your way of seeing life and your priorities and the other not, it is very possible that the relationship will resist. You no longer want the same things and that inevitably supposes a distancing.

Sometimes the call middle age crisis it passes and everything goes back to the way it was. I am not saying normality because normality is relative and depends on each couple. But other times, that new conception of life and the desire to recover the lost youth, cause the relationship to break down and the separation occurs.

How to separate at 40? As I mentioned at the beginning of the article, these days there are many possibilities For someone who breaks up at 40, since, with more and more couples separating than in decades ago, there are many more people in the same situation. Therefore, more social life and greater probability of finding a new partner.

Breakups are characterized by ups and downs. At the beginning when you make the decision you may feel good, happy and energetic, wanting to live, to do things new, to enjoy and to teach others what you are doing (very characteristic in crises of half the lifetime). However, it may be that after a while you miss the stability of your home, the tranquility of the routine and the good times as a family. A breakup needs a grief, that is, a process to assimilate and accept the loss of the partner and all the things that are lost with the separation. It should be noted that separations involve many changes. In case you have children, we recommend you read the following tips for separating with children.

To overcome a break at 40 the recommendations are:

• Relate with other people. In this article we explain how to make new friends at 40.
• Take time for yourself. Work on getting to know yourself and clarifying what you really want and expect from your life from now on. And what you don't want too.
• Don't start a new relationship until learning to be comfortable alone or alone. If not, what you will start will be a bounce ratio.
• If you have children, keep them in mind before making important decisions.
• Live for you and not for others. By this I mean that it is not necessary that you act to please others or you are publishing a very ornate life on social networks. Enjoy your moments paying attention to them.
• Seize the day to do those activities you've always wanted to do.

A divorce entails a grief. You lose someone, not because they are gone, but because they are no longer in your life. And therefore requires adaptation time It will depend on each person and their personal circumstances.

The idea is widespread that getting through a divorce takes three years or that it takes as many months to recover from a relationship as it may have doubted. But these are myths, there are no set times to overcome a breakup. There are people who overcome it in a few months and there are others who take 1 or 2 years. The important thing is that you ask for help if you need it and that you limit communication with your ex as much as possible so that it does not get too hard. The less contact you have, the faster you will get used to a life without him or her.

It is not convenient to remain as friends, because one of the two will suffer, especially when new relationships are started. And as for new relationships, don't be in a hurry. Until you have overcome your grief, it is not recommended to start a new relationship.

In this article you will find the information you need about How to overcome a break of couple.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Separating at 40: Why and How, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

• Morandeira, V. (2008). What's up with my husband? - How to help you and help you in your crisis of 40. Spain: Red Circle.
• Setiya, K. (2019). In the middle of life. Barcelona: Asteroid Books.
• Riso, W. (2017). I already said goodbye to you, now how do I forget you. Barcelona: Zenith.