Why She DON'T LOVE ME: Psychological Explanation

You have fallen in love with her and she doesn't even know you exist. You love her, but she just wants to be your friend. You think you would be a perfect match, but it never occurs to her that you can be together. Why? Why doesn't she love me? In Psychology-Online we provide you with the psychological explanation to that question. She keep reading!

Index

1. Why doesn't she want me as a couple
2. She doesn't want to be with me, but she's looking for me, why?
3. What to do when she doesn't love you

Sometimes we find ourselves with the situation that we like a person, and it is not reciprocal. We fantasize about dating her, we get closer, we become her friend, we gain confidence and we jump in. And bang. Or we ask him to leave... And silence. Or a resounding no. The point is that he does not love us as a couple and the explanation that he gives us at the moment seems improvised, an excuse... The reality is that it is very unlikely that it is a thoughtful explanation. Most people don't have the time or think about why they don't want to be with someone else as a couple. But that does not mean that the feeling is less valid. The reasons for this feeling can be many, and very varied:

• Differences ideological, political, ways of seeing life, etc.
• Incompatibilities from day to day, little things that he has realized that as a couple he would not endure.
• Lack of things in common, same interests, hobbies, etc.
• Different life goals (e.g.: one wants to live in another country and the other doesn't, one wants daughters and the other doesn't, etc.)

These four previous ones are included within the lack of consistencycognitive. People try to maintain coherence between our beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Therefore, from this perspective, we want a partner who has the same ideas and hobbies as us.

• Lack of attraction, chemistry.
• Incompatible personalities. Some studies have shown that the most valued traits in people are grouped into two sets: Affection (affectionate, friendly, considerate, etc.) and competence, comprising social and intelligence.
• A combination of the above.

Most importantly, none of those reasons make you less valid or less worthy of being in a relationship. It can be easy to fall for self-destructive and undermining explanations of why she doesn't want to be with you, but nothing is further from reality, or simply not even she would have approached you from the first moment. The best thing, if you have these types of thoughts, is to let some time pass and then ask if there is any special reason why you do not want to be with you.

She may not love you as a partner but she may appreciate you for other forms of relationships, such as friendship or sexual. You don't have to be in love or love someone to find them attractive, interesting, or even want to sleep with them.

Also, that she doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, but that she doesn't love you romantically. But friendship is an equally valid form of love, although they have led us to believe that the only way to truly love is in a relationship.

What can we do when the person we like doesn't love us? She first thinks about what you are really looking for and if you really love him or not. Ask yourself why you want to be with her. This question is important because there are a series of factors that have nothing to do with love that can push us to want to be with someone. Let's see some examples:

• Fear of loneliness. Actually, you want to be with that person because you don't know how to be alone or for fear of being alone, and in this case, the most It is advisable to have some sessions with a psychologist to help you deal with this issue before embarking on a relationship. Here you can read How to overcome the fear of loneliness.
• Infatuation. This case is quite likely especially if you have known the person for a relatively short time. With the hormonal cascade that infatuation causes, it's easy to mistake it for love. Infatuation only lasts for a while, and when it passes, you can see real love, or not. One does not choose who she falls in love with, but who she ends up loving, so, even if it is hard, if yours is a whimsical infatuation and she does not want to be with you, it is best to let it be before doing you more harm needlessly.
• Sexual attraction. You may only want to be with her because she attracts you sexually, and you mix it with love for various reasons, such as the hormonal kick. What causes you, falling in love or the fear of being alone, or because in the culture in which we live sex and love are closely associated. In this case, that she loves you is not an essential requirement to be with her. You do not need to be aware of you or anything that you can associate with the condition of "loving." Be sincere and establish the relationship that you both want.

If you really love him, the only thing you can do is reveal your feelings to him so that he knows, if you want. But if she does not love you, and she has told you, and you know it, she is already her. Do not insist. The world is full of wonderful people to love, and there are many ways to love and love. You can find another who loves you just like you love her, or not. That they do not love you romantically or not have a romantic relationship, is not a sign of failure, or that you are not lovable. They can love you in many ways and your life can continue to be full.

She does not love you. You do. It's like a stab but The world is not ending.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why she doesn't love me: psychological explanation, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

• Landa, S. U., Rovira, D. P., & Zubieta, E. M. (2005). Chapter 15. Intimate relationships: attraction, love and culture. In Social psychology, culture and education.