My mother DOES NOT ACCEPT my boyfriend, what do I do?

In this Psychology-Online article we want to talk to you about a situation that can occur when we try to get our partner and our family to know each other. It's about that your mother does not accept your boyfriendWhat can you do then?

It can be quite complicated, assuming an obstacle both for the couple's relationship and for the relationship of the son / daughter and her mother. For this reason, we consider it important to analyze the most frequent reasons for this rejection, as well as to know what you can do to face it. Are you staying to discover all this with us?

Index

1. My mother does not accept my boyfriend because he is older
2. My mother does not accept my boyfriend because she has a son
3. My mother does not accept my boyfriend because he is poor
4. What to do if my mother does not accept my boyfriend

One of the main reasons why a mother does not accept the partner of her son or daughter is that that couple is older. This is explained because it is usually thought that when two people are of different ages, this implies being in different vital stages as well. However, this should not be the case, since

Normally, the greater the difference in age, the greater the rejection by the mother, because if there is a difference of one or two years, this problem does not usually appear. Or if she does, it is usually because someone else also appears, among which are those that we tell you below.

Another cause of rejection of the groom by a mother, that is, her mother-in-law, is that the groom has children. In this sense, the reasons that mothers usually allude is that their daughters or sons will have to take charge of the child, in addition to fearing that the child may reject them or that if the couple does not go well, the child will be damaged.

In these cases, the type of relationship that the couple has with the mother or father of the or children, since the rejection is much greater in the event that this relationship with the ex is conflictive. This is quite logical, since mothers do not usually want their children to have to mediate in the relationship between their current partner and the former partner, as they can be harmed.

If this is your case, here you will find how to treat your partner's children.

In some cases, the reason for a rejection of a son or daughter's boyfriend is that he has an economic position that the mother does not consider good. It is not usually because there is a rejection of her condition of poverty in itself, but rather because the mother does not want her to child has to support the other person, or thinks that she will miss opportunities by having to deal with such poverty.

In this sense, problems also often appear when the boyfriend lacks studies, because in many people there is the vision that with more studies, better living conditions can provide a person to her partner.

If we find ourselves in the awkward situation that our mother does not accept our boyfriendWe will surely ask ourselves the following question: "What do I do if my mother does not accept my boyfriend?" To try to remedy this rejection, we can try to follow the following recommendations:

• Try to identify the causes of rejection: The first thing is to know why this person is being rejected, trying to dialogue with your mother. Well, she will appreciate that we try to understand her and be able to talk about her feelings and her position.
• Do not discount negative comments towards your boyfriend, or respond aggressively to them: this only makes things worse, and can lead to your mother to think that she is right and even that the reason for your aggressiveness is that your boyfriend is not good for you.
• Try to get them to meet your boyfriend: So they can see that it is not bad for you, knowing it can make the prejudices related to their situation disappear.
• Listen to the opinions and advice of your parents: they only try to ensure your well-being and your safety. Something interesting is the large number of occasions in which mothers are the first to detect signs of mistreatment towards their daughters, even when these are imperceptible to any other person.
• Be patient and give it time Your mother to accept your boyfriend: Sometimes all it takes to end rejection is a little (or a lot) of patience. It is normal, especially in the case of first relationships or having had a partner towards whom your mother felt special affection, that at first your new boyfriend shocks him, being able to reject him simply because of how new or strange this new is to them situation. Therefore, it is better that you give your mother some time to get used to the idea that you have a boyfriend.
• Keeping your mother informed and not lying to her or hide things from him: if your mother rejects your boyfriend, one of the worst things you can do is avoid telling him things or lying to him. This will only make your mother reject him even more, causing you to also separate from each other.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My mother does not accept my boyfriend, what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Drefahl S. (2010). How does the age gap between partners affect their survival?. Demography, 47(2), 313–326. doi: 10.1353 / dem.0.0106
• Hartwell-Walker, M. (2018, October 8). When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Partner. Retrieved November 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
• Skalická, V., & Kunst, A. AND. (2008). Effects of spouses' socioeconomic characteristics on mortality among men and women in a Norwegian longitudinal study. Social Science & Medicine, 66(9), 2035–2047. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2008.01.020