On many occasions, one of the most difficult aspects when deciding to end a relationship is precisely doing so. Especially when, for one or more personal reasons, you no longer want to be with the partner you probably thought you could be with for a lifetime. It is not only a complicated situation for the person who is going to be left, but also for the person who has decided to end, who is the one who has to think about how to communicate it. In most cases, the aim is to finish in the healthiest and friendliest way possible. That is why when we tell our partner that we want to separate, we must take certain measures to do it in the most appropriate way and learn to convey the message clearly and sincere.
In this article from Psychology-Online: how to tell my partner that I want to separate, we are going to give you a series of tips and considerations that you should take into account when communicating to your partner that you want to separate and to teach you the most appropriate way to do it.
Index
- What to do if I want to separate and I don't know where to start
- Tips to tell your partner that you want to separate
- Steps to tell your partner that you want to separate
What to do if I want to separate and I don't know where to start.
Before telling your partner that you want to separate, you must take into account the following questions:
Don't make decisions impulsively
It should be borne in mind that to make decisions, especially when they are important, it should not be done when we are too happy or too angry. Why? Because when we get carried away by intense emotions that go away as they come, it is more likely that the decisions we make are not the correct ones or are not what we really want and that we agree. So if at this time you find yourself angry with your partner, it is recommended that wait to find yourself calmer so you can think more clearly and realize if it is what you really want.
Don't wait for the “perfect moment” to arrive
Keep in mind that to tell your partner that you want to separate, the safest thing is that no moment is "perfect". Once you have made the decision and previously reflected on it, reaching the conclusion that it is the best for you, you have to take action and let him know to the other person. Procrastination will only make things worse, as the other will continue to be led to believe that the relationship is going smoothly when it is not. Also for the person who wants to separate is not healthy and can even be sacrificed to continue with a person who is not loved.
Remember that one stage ends but another begins
If you are afraid of uncertainty about what will come next, you are afraid not to take the correct decision and / or you think that leaving that person may be very painful for you, you should know what this is not the end. Sometimes, it is necessary to end relationships, since for one or more reasons those people are no longer compatible with us, although it may be that at some point they were. It is normal that we feel sad for a while because that person was part of our life and our daily routine, because we feel affection towards them, among other things. However, if you give yourself permission to feel this way and face it, after a while you will be able to get over it (even though now you feel like you never can). In the following article, we will guide you about how to be strong in a couple breakup.
Don't feel guilty
If you have decided to end your relationship, do not fall into the trap of feeling guilty for doing so. Remember that the reasons you have are valid enough, since it is about your well-being and to be well with a person you must first be good with yourself. Therefore, it is better to break up with him / her and stop continuing to deceive yourself and someone else.
Tips to tell your partner that you want to separate.
Some tips that can help you communicate to your partner that you want to separate are the following:
Plan the place and time in which you will give the news
You must think about the most appropriate place and time to talk with him / her. If there is no type of violence and / or aggressiveness in the couple and this is a person with whom you can dialogue in a peaceful and respectful way, you should choose a place where they can to be alone. Try that in the time in which you let them know, there will be no interruptions and that third parties are not present so they can speak privately.
Keep a sincere and firm attitude
When you talk to him / her do it safely And without hesitation, because if you have made that decision it is because you are convinced that it is the best for you, even if you may make a mistake later, at this moment that is the best for you. If your partner notices that you are insecure and he or she wants to continue the relationship, it may end convincing otherwise, that you regret it and continue in a relationship in which you really do not want to be.
On the other hand, you also have to speak honestly To that person, let her notice that the reasons you are giving to end the relationship are real and that for you they are enough to end the relationship. You must show him that you are acting in accordance with what you feel. You can look her in the eye when you are communicating it to her, speak calmly, safely and with the total conviction of what you want.
Show empathy towards the other person
On many occasions, news like that and more when the couple does not expect it, can cause a lot of impact and pain to the person who is left. It is not about being cold and distant with the other, it must be show respect and understanding towards the person, letting him or her know how sorry we are (if it is) that the situation had to turn out like this. However, you should not fall into blackmail (if it exists) or allow yourself to be carried away by the other person's pain and change your mind so as not to "make them feel bad."
Active listening
Apart from talking and exposing what you think and feel to your partner, you should also listen carefully, since on many occasions what he is going to tell us is taken for granted, rather than listening, we only hear and that is very different. When you listen carefully, you can really understand the other person and that is also noticed by the other person. So don't take anything for granted and listen to what he has to say.
Do not comment with hope
If you are sure of your decision, avoid making comments that would make your partner believe that you could change your mind later just by pretending not to hurt them. Realize that you cause him more harm when you give him false hope than when you don't.
Steps to tell your partner that you want to separate.
If you do not know how to structure the message that you are going to transmit to your partner, you can base yourself on these 5 steps to do it:
- State the facts: describes in detail and objectively what is happening. For example: for the last few months you have been coming home late and you don't call me to let me know, you go out more with your friends and other people than with me, you are always busy for me, etc., we have already talked about it before, you always tell me that things are going to change but so far it has not been So.
- Present your story: let him know your personal interpretation of the facts. For example: all this has made me think that you do not care as much as I do about this relationship and that you do not like spending as much time with me as I do with you.
- Show your feelings: let him know how that situation makes you feel. For example: this situation has made me feel sad and lonely all this time. I don't feel valued and respected by you and every time I feel worse being in this relationship.
- Express your wishes and communicate your decision: Let him know what you want in a polite way and let him know your decision to finish. For example: I would like to be in a relationship where I feel that both of you want to spend more time together, so I have made the decision to end this relationship.
- Thank the other person: This part is optional, however, it is recommended if we want to end as friendly as possible with the other person. We have to thank him even for the time we have spent with him and / or for the experience he has left us.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to tell my partner that I want to separate, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
