Do OPEN RELATIONSHIPS work?

We live in an increasingly changing society and, with it too, the way of living love and of relating to each other has changed. There are people who do not believe in monogamy and, against it, defend polyamory and open relationships, if you can have more than friendship, why can't you have more than one sex-affective relationship without this meaning that you don't value all your relations? In this Psychology-Online article, we want to talk to you about open relationships, if they work according to psychology and give some rules for beginners in polyamory.

Index

1. What is an open relationship?
2. What to do if your partner asks you for an open relationship and you don't want to?
3. Open Relationship Rules for Beginners
4. Open relationships and jealousy
5. Open relationships and children
6. Do open relationships work?

The polyamory can be defined as the possibility of establishing more than one sex-affective relationship in a consensual, ethical and egalitarian way

How to act when your partner asks you for an open relationship? As the definition of polyamory says, the open relationship must be consensual, ethical and egalitarian, If you do not feel ready to start an open relationship, you should not do it, since these involve a high emotional management and a high self-knowledge of yourself that allows you to feel comfortable with this type of relationship, currently society is still very anchored to monogamy. You should not feel guilty for not wanting or feeling comfortable in another type of relationship, as long as you accept and respect that they exist.

In the event that you have doubts about whether to accept an open relationship with your partner or not, or that open relationships generate curiosity, but you still do not know how you will be able to manage it, you should be able to freely discuss these concerns with your partner to can reach an agreement or negotiation. Maybe you can try it later or start looking for a partner for each one together, etc. There are many types of open relationships and ways to handle them. Next, we talk about open relationships for beginners.

How to adapt to an open relationship? At first, open relationships, and especially when you have never been in one of them, are not easy to manage. When undertaking this type of relationship we must learn to manage different aspects. Here are some rules of an open relationship that should be taken into account when starting a polyamorous relationship:

1. Consensus: It is the basic rule to start any open relationship, there must be a mutual agreement to establish it and equality to use it.
2. Mutual trust- One of the rules of open relationships for beginners is trust. This trust must include a lot of communication between the couple, being able to express feelings, concerns, and of course you should also talk about what protection measures are being taken in every relationship.
3. Time management: Before starting polyamory, it is important to establish certain times, that is, despite being in an open relationship, you have the right to want to spend X time with your partner and not accept being relegated by other loves, that is, wanting to continue being a priority for your partner.
4. Sexual hygiene and safety: this point is very important to speak to avoid any type of risk. Given the possibility of establishing different sexual relationships with different people, one should speak very seriously about the use protection in every way to avoid both unwanted pregnancies and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). At this point, it is important not only to talk about it, but also to look at what practices you have done and what measures you have taken to see the reliability of possible protections.
5. Get rid of the idea of ​​romantic love: One of the main things that can limit polyamory is the romantic love myth, this speaks of a single love to whom you give everything. Well, polyamory breaks with all these schemes, that is why if someone wants to start in open relationships they must abandon these myths and open their mind to new horizons.

Jealousy is surely the main problem in open relationships. The expert and sex educator Reid Mihalko, in 2008 explained that there were 8 main reasons why a person in an open relationship felt jealousy and the ways to address and solve them. Here are all of them:

1. Possessiveness and control: in an open relationship, we have to consider how possessive we are, what level of control we need to feel safe or secure and how long I want my partner to invest in me.
2. Unsafety: To enter into any type of polyamorous relationship, you must first consider how safe or secure you feel in the relationship and, On the contrary, what levels of insecurity do you have, or what possibilities do you see that the relationship will stagnate or break up and how often do you think about the breaking off.
3. Loss: this section refers to the feeling or fear that one has in the relationship of losing the other or abandonment. Before starting a polyamorous relationship, we must consider how afraid of change we are.
4. Attack on self-esteem or rejection: Before starting any type of open relationship, you should consider how it can affect our self-esteem that our partner sees with other people, to what extent this fact can be a rejection.
5. Loneliness: What happens in us if we are not with this person? Does a feeling of fear or mistrust invade us? Different studies explain that polyamory can only be used in those people who have a great security and confidence in themselves and that they feel comfortable with solitude, that is, they like to spend time with themselves.
6. Low self-esteem: If we detect that we have low self-esteem, polyamory can create greater insecurity in ourselves. In this article you will find information for boost your self-esteem.
7. Values: We must review our values ​​and mental schemes and see to what degree or extent we would accept a relationship in a polyamorous way and if it could be healthy.
8. Envy: avoid comparisons between the different couples that your partner establishes, to avoid complexes.

As mentioned above, an open relationship implies high emotional management and one must be safe or secure before starting it so as not to damage our being in it.

If the open relationship is well accepted and carried by the couple itself, there should be no problem in caring for the sons and daughters. Since times, back in the raising of children there has been multiple coexistence, grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc. lived in the houses. On many occasions, cousins ​​almost became brothers to some. In the case of open and polyamorous relationships, it can happen as in the case of divorced people, who start a new relationship with another person. You must naturalize and normalize all types of relationships to facilitate acceptance before sons and daughters. You can also keep other people out of the family and agree with the couple that open relationships are always established outside the family nucleus. Each style of open relationship and children will depend on the couple itself.

Wondering if open relationships work? These kinds of relationships can work perfectly if they both agree with her and with the philosophy of this. If the open relationship is only accepted to please the other part of the couple, the most It is likely that both of you will end up having a bad time, since you do not share the same values ​​regarding the relationship. So open relationships work as long as both of you are convinced.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Do open relationships work?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Bauman, Z. (2005). Liquid Love. About the fragility of human bonds. Buenos Aires, Fund for Economic Culture.
• Mihalko, R. (2008). Jealousy: the eight-armed octopus. Consultation 2016. Own translation. Recovered from https://amorsplurals.cat/2016/02/11/comafrontar-els-8-bracos-del-pop-de-la-gelosia-part-i/