When a relationship ends and, depending on the reasons, it can happen that people break of less, they realize that the decision made was a mistake and they want to fight one by one for the other. For some people it is a very big effort, as it may involve admitting that they made a mistake when it comes to ending. Have you decided to give yourself another chance? Do you both really want it? Does your ex partner really want to get back with you or is it just that having your company is good for him but without making an effort to solve the problems? In this Psychology-Online article we want to explain some of the reasons why your ex partner does not show that she wants to get back with you and what to do.
Index
- Pride
- Confusion
- Difficulty accepting what you feel
- Afraid
- Difficulty expressing what you feel
Pride.
Perhaps the breakup hurt the person's self-esteem and self-esteem (of things that hurt when they hurt more) and now, despite this pain that the breakup has caused her, she realizes that she wants to return to you, but
Pride can also appear from having to accept that the decision you made was wrong. The person who has a lot of pride will take more subtle actions to get your attention and show her availability, she will give you likes in the photos, but it does not have to be always, he may send you messages, even if he does not explicitly show that he wants to meet or that he is aware of you, etc. What to do in this case? If you think that your ex is holding back this situation, it would be a good time to practice empathy and assertiveness with that person. In this article we explain how to have more empathy with your partner.
Confusion.
After a breakup they may appear very contradictory feelings, also the result of the grieving process that is faced after a loss. The person may feel that he misses you and that he would rather be by your side one day and another believes that the decision that has been made is better. This fact can lead him to carry out behaviors such as meeting you and then mentioning that he does not want to return, or to tell you to stay and at the last minute say no. In short, behaviors that generate the same confusion as their state.
In case you detect some confusion in your ex partner, you can show understanding, as they are parts of a grieving process, and accept the situation. You can give him time and space and make yourself available if he needs something, as long as that is what you want. Or, if you feel that this confusion brings you down the path of bitterness, make the decision to walk away from that person for a while. You also need to know the signs that your ex doesn't want to get back with you.
Difficulty accepting what he feels.
It may happen that the person has difficulties in accepting what he feels for the other person. Why should I get back with my ex-partner? Why do I feel this for her or him if we have left him? All these questions cause the person to fall into a spiral of denial of her feelings, which end up forming a protection wall not to try again what already hurt him once. The person then ends up not accepting her feelings and resisting to listen to her, preferring to think that it is something temporary, typical of the breakup, but that in reality they do not want to return. Also in this section we can find the rationalization, other Defense mechanism very powerful, it is that everything emotional is given a mental explanation in order to first be able to give an explanation to what it feels like to give a logical explanation to the feelings and thoughts or behaviors that if it were not for this mechanism would cause us anxiety, feelings of inferiority or guilt. This way you avoid feeling so intensely. Faced with these attitudes, you will be able to meet him acting out by your ex partner. The acting out They are impulsive behaviors in contrast to their usual behavior, although the action has a logical explanation behind it. These actions are usually associated with something repressed that manifests itself through this impulse.
Afraid.
The afraid it is one of the most paralyzing emotions we can find. It helps us to protect ourselves but, at the same time, when it is excessive, on many occasions paralyzes us. It can happen that your ex partner is afraid of having a bad time again if she returns in the relationship. Also, phrases like "the second parts were never good" have you anchored in no action. Here you will find more information about why does a person say that she loves you but does not show it.
What can you do if your ex wants to come back but doesn't show it out of fear? If you think that this is the reason why your ex partner does not take the step of confessing what she truly feels, Do it firstTell her that a part of you also knows that she is giving another chance to something that for X reason has not worked, but that you think that both of you are going to learn from mistakes and try not to comment on them again in this second chance.
Difficulties expressing what she feels.
If your ex-partner has always shown difficulties in expressing what she feels, it may happen that the same thing is happening now. Given the difficulty of expressing, the person will show you that she wants to return to you with actions that can be a bit shy and discreet: ask what maybe from time to time, give some like or send a subtle message through social networks (such as reacting to an Instagram story).
Most likely, in this case, you will have to be the one who pulls more of the car so that the person expresses her emotions and feelings, first you must open up to give her I pass on to the other person and perhaps in the process of expressing I will need positive reinforcement such as "I like what you are telling me" or "Thank you for making me a participant in what you feel". In this article we expose in depth how to treat a person who does not express their feelings.
It may also be that your ex looks for you but does not want to return. To help you reflect on the situation, you can consult this article where you will find 15 signs your ex wants to get back with you.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to My ex wants to come back but does not show it: why and what to do, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
Bibliography
- Riso, W. (2003). Defollowing daisies: about conventional love and other bad habits. Editorial Norma.
- Riso, W. (2007). The limits of love. RBA Collectibles.
