The life as a couple It can be difficult to manage, especially when you realize that the relationship is not working. That is when you can begin to assess the option of separation so that both of you can be happy and start over. But how do you convey this information to your partner? We know that it is a hard and difficult situation and that, in the breakup, other feelings always come into play, such as fear, self-esteem, etc.; However, if you think the time has come, you should take this step.
In Psychology-Online we will answer your question about what to do if you want to separate so you can get your life back and try to be happy again. You both deserve it.
Index
- Aspects prior to the separation of the couple
- How to tell your partner that you want to separate
- What to do if you are married or have children
Aspects prior to the separation of the couple.
If lately you start to see that your relationship is going downhill, it is important that you take action on the matter and
Next we are going to give you a list with aspects that you have to take into account to know what to do if you want to separate. Here it is:
- Are you sure you want to separate?: This is the first question you have to ask yourself before taking the next step. Having things clear is essential to avoid hurting your partner or hurting yourself. It is important, therefore, that you evaluate whether this situation is specific or if, on the contrary, it has been happening for a long time.
- What would happen if you separated ?: This is another of the key questions you should ask yourself to try to find out if, deep down, you want to break up with your partner. Actually, the separation can imply a series of changes in your lives but here the interesting thing is what values if, really, the future that is about to open before your eyes you see with illusion or with weariness. This can help you understand yourself better.
- Put aside all the "material" and focus on your feelings: another of the tips that you have to take into account before separating is that everything That "material", the more "practical" aspects of the relationship do not have to be an impediment for you to break the relationship. Surely, during the time of your life together you have created a life together and, therefore, it is normal that, now, it makes you a world to think about what to do with the house, the car, etcetera; However, all these are procedures that will be resolved, they do not have to be your brake at all!
- Don't feel guilty: many people when they want to separate from their partner do not finish taking the step because they have a feeling of guilt. They feel bad for hurting their partners and for hurting them, so they continue in a relationship in which they are not happy, thus creating a vicious cycle of pain and unhappiness. You do not have to protect your partner over you, you have to be honest with yourself and with him / her so that, really, the relationship is healthy and sincere. It is worse to continue out of grief than to break up, believe us!
- Overcome fear: and, finally, if you are clear that you do not want to continue with your partner but you do not know what to do if you want to separate what We recommend that you do an internal job and overcome all those unknowns that may scare you with just think about them. The loneliness, the change of life, the fear of not finding anyone else... All this is normal for it to appear in your mind, however, it should not become your only inner speech. Hear it but get over it. You will be able to with everything that is put in front so do not let yourself be overcome by fear.
In this other article we will tell you how be strong in a couple breakup so that you know how to act in this situation without falling into drama.
How to tell your partner that you want to separate.
Once you have your ideas clear, the next step you have to do if you want to separate is, obviously, talk to your partner. Now is the time to "take the bull by the horns", be brave and make the decision that causes so much vertigo but that, at the same time, will be so liberating.
And it is that when you decide to break up with the couple, you experience very dual feelings that move between pain and liberation, something that shows how necessary it was to take the step. Therefore, to talk with your partner and tell him that you want to separate, below we will give you some tips so that the conversation is civilized and, above all, to hurt him as little as possible:
- Have clear ideas: It is essential that you know what is happening to you, why you have made this decision, what is wrong with the couple and what you want to communicate to them. For this reason, it is important that before reaching this point you have thought and reflected on the subject in question.
- No reproaches: something very common is that, when we break up with the couple, we begin to release reproaches and mistakes that we believe they have committed. Error. This doesn't do any good except to create an argument and make the breakup even more difficult. Put aside all reproaches and bet on a speech in which you speak based on yourself, your experience and your feelings; no matter what he or she has done, the important thing is that you talk about how you feel and why you want to quit.
- Speak and listen: It is also important that you let your partner express himself since this conversation will probably not come as a surprise to him and he will have something to say. Be open to listening to their opinions respectfully and calmly, but try not to get caught up in trying again. You had already made a decision, a very difficult one, so be consistent with it and don't back down.
- Don't reduce the impact: in breakups, they usually try to stop the pain caused with words or messages that can be hopeful for the other person, however, we recommend that you do not do this because the pain you can create will still be higher. Creating hope for your partner if you are clear that you do not want to be with her is a bad idea that can cause even deeper pain. Sincerity and honesty will be your best allies so don't leave them behind.
- Do not lose control: And finally, during the conversation with your partner, we recommend that you remain calm, even if he says something that hurts you or that moves you inside. Think that the important thing is to try to finish as well as possible and, therefore, avoid arguments and confrontations as well as learn to accept the criticism that he may say to you.
In this other article we give you some good tips so you know how cure sadness for heartbreak and regain the joy of living.
What to do if you are married or have children.
If you want to know what to do if you want to separate while married or having started a family, you have to bear in mind that, in addition to managing this situation with your partner, you will also have to follow a series of procedures more bureaucratic but necessary chalice.
The first thing we recommend is that you talk with your partner to find out how to manage the separation: if it is just a separation or if you want it to be a divorce. Either way, you will have to talk to a lawyer to develop the proposal and to be able to divide the goods in a civil and fair way.
In addition, if there are children involved, it is even more necessary that the separation be amicable and, therefore, we recommend that you NEVER mix your kids or treat them as a bargaining chip or a form of punishment. Leave the children on the sidelines and protect them as much as possible to prevent them from getting hurt from this situation. They are the most vulnerable and the least guilty of the situation, therefore, think more about them than about yourself.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I want to separate: what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
