In all human relationships there is conflict and, therefore, it will also be in moments of our relationship as a couple. We must understand that conflict is born on many occasions from differences and since no two people are the same, it is inevitable, intrinsic to human relationships. Even so, we must bear in mind that, despite being inevitable, we can decide how we act or the reaction we have to it. We have the ability as people to decide how we deal with and deal with conflict. From a healthy discussion we can emerge stronger, we can establish negotiations and put common points of view. When the conflict is very repetitive and we enter a dynamic in which we do not know how to get out of the discussions, we must review certain aspects of the relationship. In the following Psychology-Online article we will talk about why does my partner get angry about everything and what to do.
Index
- Why does my partner get angry about everything
- What to do when my partner gets angry
- How to solve couple anger
Why does my partner get angry about everything.
Here are the causes of continuous anger in the couple:
Stress
Stress is a state that puts our body on alert, this leads to more lability and irascibility. If your partner is going through a period of great stress, it may be the reason for the arguments. Even so, you must make yourself respected and, although your partner may be going through a period of stress, you are not responsible for that and you must communicate it. It can help you to know ways to manage stress.
Bad communication
Communication is the foundation of a relationship. Poor communication with your partner can be the source of many conflicts and arguments. The person who gets angry about everything perhaps has a form of communication that makes it difficult for him to express what he wants and feels and that makes him angry, since he does not understand with other people. Here you will find techniques for effective communication.
Unresolved need
Perhaps poor communication has led to the person not knowing how to express that there is something missing from your relationship. As he does not know how to express that perhaps sometimes feel neglected, who feels that you are not in the way that he or she would like or does not feel as important as him or her would like, his way of expressing it is with anger without much foundation or that they do not end up being constructive.
Different coping styles
That can be one of the sources that causes arguments in couples. Perhaps a part of the couple always avoids arguing and, as we have said, conflicts, if resolved, can be healthy and constructive for the couple. They help us change goals and things that do not work in it, a conflict can be an opportunity for change if it is managed well. Perhaps one part of the couple always avoids conflict and that makes the other part feel that they cannot express what they dislike and become even more angry.
Conflict with oneself
Perhaps the conflict is not with the other person, but with yourself. Sometimes internal conflicts are brought to light in the form of anger with the other person. Sometimes, it is easier for us to admit that we have a conflict with someone outside, than to admit that we ourselves are the one who happens to us but we do not know how to express it.
Different values
It can happen that the values of one and the other are very different, with which, there are many issues, within the relationship and outside, in which discrepancies win. If the person also has little empathy or it is difficult for him to understand that the person next to him may have a different vision of things, it may be that he is more susceptible to anger.
Low self-esteem
Self-esteem is the ability that allows us to value ourselves. If it is depleted, it can be a source of discomfort and, therefore, a precursor of possible anger and arguments. You do not feel good about yourself and that creates insecurity regarding your relationships and more with your partner. Here you can see the characteristics of people with low self-esteem.
Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotions are found in all human beings and therefore also in all relationships that we establish. Not recognizing some of the emotions can lead to more anger and a worse resolution of these. For example: on many occasions –especially more in men than in women- sadness is tried to repress and is expressed with rage or anger. There are certain emotions that society has tended to inhibit and this causes that people have difficulties in expressing what really happens to us. If the person does not recognize or manage emotions, it may happen that he uses anger or anger as a way to deal with those misunderstood emotions. Here you will find more information about the emotional intelligence.
What to do when my partner gets angry.
In order to resolve a conflict - that your partner gets angry about everything, it can be one - it is important to:
Do not interpret
On many occasions, in the face of a conflict, our head begins to spin around and around about what may be happening, and with each turn you give a possible hypothesis appears. This fact can increase our discomfort and even cause us some anxiety. Try to collect the information you have at your fingertips to know what may be happening but don't make too many assumptions and interpretations and stick to the concrete, in the case that with the information around you you do not have enough, you should seek more information by asking the other party.
Ask and reflect
As mentioned in the previous point, if we do not have information we do not know very well how to act. Therefore, it is important that, if our partner gets angry, we ask for feedback on what is happening to him and what may be causing the anger. This will provide us with more tools to know how to deal with anger. Let's remember to use the assertive communication. In addition, we must also collect information about ourselves, what is removing us this constant anger. For this, the next step is important, listening to him / her and listening to you.
Listen to you
When faced with a conflict or anger, it is important to ask yourself:
- What feelings does that anger awaken in me?
- What position do I have on anger?
- What do I want to convey to the other person?
Last but not least, if your partner is constantly angry with you and you do not feel comfortable in this situation, you should also reflect and communicate it. We see it below:
Value you
Evaluate if the dynamics of the relationship is a dynamic that helps you grow, that makes you feel good, comfortable to express what you feel or On the contrary, it makes you uncomfortable and you feel that whatever you do, your partner will not fully understand you and will be getting angry all the time. It is about making a balance, being clear about the priorities and needs that you want to have covered in a relationship and whether or not those are and are compatible with those of the other person.
Express your opinion
It is important that, even if our partner gets angry, we have the opportunity to express how all this makes us feel and where we want the relationship to go. Set limits and express what we feel.
How to solve couple anger.
To overcome the anger in the couple and that the relationship can emerge stronger from the conflict, we can use the following guidelines:
Assertive communication
The communication we use to resolve conflicts is very important. Assertive communication is the ability that allows us to express our feelings and needs, but taking care not to hurt or offend the other. It protects us from our own rights and in turn, allows us to respect the rights of others. In this article we explain how to resolve a conflict assertively.
Approach techniques
- Task of the five qualities: it is about both parties making a list with five qualities that you value in the other person.
- Spend time: find a moment a day, it should not be long (10-15 minutes), to be together and look at what things he makes the other person feel satisfied or grateful, and how positive he reacts to it.
- Focus the radar on the positive: sometimes it can happen that the couple has ended up focusing only on those negative interactions that the other person makes. Perhaps it is time to try to change that dynamic and try to focus on what triggers pleasant situations, it may be useful to write down everything that our partner does that brings us happiness.
Problem resolution
The person must expose what causes the conflict, so she must do introspection to identify what has caused the anger. Next, the person should look for solutions to this: make a brain storming of possible resolutions. Finally, assess each of the proposed solutions, their pros and cons and keep one to resolve the conflict.
Couple therapy
One option when entering dynamics where a part of the couple is constantly angry is to seek professional help and go to couples therapy. Here you can see more information about how to reconcile with your partner.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to My partner gets angry about everything: why and what to do, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
Bibliography
- Beyebach, M.; Herrero, M. (2010). 200 tasks in brief therapy. Spain: Herder.
- Cañete, E. P., & Novas, F. P. (2012). Resolution of couple conflicts in adolescents, sexism and emotional dependence.
- Morfa, J. D. (2003). Prevention of couple conflicts. Desclée de Brouwer
