Much is said regarding this topic which is increasingly common and controversial. The birth of a baby is a life change for the father and mother, so they have to re-establish schedules, responsibilities and priorities and this, if not well managed, can bring many conflicts for the relationship of partner.
This is why in this Psychology-Online article on the Relationship crisis after the first child: why it happens and what to do, we are going to explain in detail what are the causes of this happening and what you can do as a couple to solve it.
Surely, and more so if you constantly live with couples with children, some of them have made comments similar to these to your partner and to you: "Do not have children so soon, enjoy the relationship before", "children separate couples", "When you have children you put aside the relationship", "If you have children they will not have time to your", among many other similar comments. In addition, it is more common than you seem to hear in consultation "Since my son was born I can't stand my husband".
However, many also agree that despite the inconveniences and the great responsibility that This can bring, having children also brings a lot of satisfaction and happiness for both members of the couple. Next we are going to explain in detail what are the main reasons why the couple crisis after having had the first child.
Why couples break up after having children
Four very common causes of the deterioration of the couple's relationship after the arrival of the children:
- The baby becomes priority. The main reason why this happens is that the priority of each of the members of the couple is no longer themselves and the relationship, but the baby becomes the priority of both. So this can lead to neglect of the relationship since all the time that is available is invested in caring for the baby. It can even be very difficult, not only to find time to dedicate to the relationship but also also to carry out daily activities of the day to day such as the tasks of the home
- Parent exclusion. It happens very often that especially women tend to dedicate most or almost all of the time to the baby, so they focus only on their needs and forget about the partner completely. This can create a strong distancing with the partner of which many times you are not aware until the crisis appears.
- Sexual intercourse. After the baby is born, due to the lack of time and space and that in many cases the crib is placed in the parents' room to attend to the needs of this, it becomes very difficult to resume sexual relations, which over time can generate a certain degree of tension and frustration in one or both members of the partner. The lack of passion It can become a very serious problem if it is not treated correctly.
- Homework. Because the baby absorbs almost all of the parents' time, it is sometimes quite It is difficult to carry out household chores so it can start to have a mess in the whole home. Therefore, if this is not managed well and both household responsibilities are not shared, this can begin to generate anger and tension in the couple.
Some women, after the birth of their child, due to the hormonal imbalance they have at those times and the tension that they may experience during the first weeks due to the degree of responsibility and the radical change in life they experience, they can experience a certain degree of melancholy and even this type of depression.
So this from the start may be the trigger that begins to generate the couple crisis since the woman feels extremely vulnerable and irritable during that period of time and everything your partner says or does can be misinterpreted and start with conflicts. The symptoms of postpartum depression in women they can be one of the most common causes of crisis in the couple after the first child.
In case of carrying out all kinds of advice to overcome this situation, let them feel that both have done their part but cannot get ahead or simply from the beginning they would like to receive the help of a professional to go through this process in a better way, it is advisable to attend therapy partner.
Couples therapy it will help them better understand where exactly the problems that begin to generate dissatisfaction in the couple and the arguments come from constant, they will be more aware of each of the things that they may or may not be doing for and against the relationship, enhancing those that be in favor.
It will also help them perceive parenthood as something more positive and to realize that with effort and patience everything can be achieved and finally they will be able to better organize their lives and better adapt your times so that the time you spend with your baby, with your partner and with your family is truly a time of quality. This, among other types of problems and / or situations that may arise and of which they may not have been aware, even situations that they already had unfinished since before the baby was born.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
