Sometimes the time that elapses between a breakup of a couple and the beginning of a new relationship is so brief that, in such a situation, a person may wonder if her new partner is really ready to get involved in a new story or this relationship is a hobby to forget the past. In Psychology-Online we answer this question: How do you know if you use me to forget your ex? The answer to this question may hurt depending on the case, however, the truth is essential to continue advancing in that relationship or, on the contrary, choose the breakup as a therapeutic measure to avoid further suffering and that each one continues with their her life.
- Keep in touch with your ex. This is not the definitive sign in itself but what is truly decisive is whether your partner shows any kind of nostalgia or hope for that story. The frequency of contact or if your partner also asks other mutual friends about their ex, can give you the key to finding the answer. But, especially, it is your own intuition that can give you the key.
- He compares you to his ex. Maybe he does not do it in a conscious way but on more than one occasion you have felt this way. That is, you feel that you are not the person who occupies the present of your partner, but that the ghost of the past makes an appearance at any time. When comparing yourself with his ex, you do not feel a unique and unrepeatable person for your partner, but constantly in the shadow of that yesterday. And you do not like this because you feel that your partner does not give you the space you deserve.
- Does not make future plans with you because his current philosophy of life is that you have to live in the present. And turn this message into a literal sign not to get involved in the relationship and, therefore, avoid compromising. Since his word to you only has the value of that moment. Tomorrow everything can change.
- You give much more than you receive And this wears you down on a psychological level because there is no reciprocity on the balance of affections. You show more interest in knowing and letting yourself know, you have a greater desire to share time with quality in common, and yet you notice the shortcomings of a relationship that produces dissatisfaction chronicle.
- You feel used and unloved just as you are. This is one of the keys to knowing if you are being a hobby to forget your ex: How do you feel in this story? How does that person make you feel? Do you feel used on numerous occasions? Reflect on this to find the answer.
- Her name escapes him. Perhaps, at some point, his own unconscious betrays him and addresses you with the name of his ex. This fact may be more frequent if the break is very recent.
- Avoid your family or friends. When a person uses you to forget her ex, not only does she not want to get involved in her future relationship but, for the same reason, you do not want the close environment of family and friends to know you truth. In this way, the relationship becomes an impersonal bond when time passes and you continue in the same chapter.
But... How do you know if he uses you to forget his ex? Take stock of your relationship and if you identify several of these points, it is very possible that what is happening is that that person is not implicating in the relationship as you would like because his heart has not yet turned the page of a chapter previous.
In this other article we give you tips so you know recognize if a person tells you the truth.
Talk to your partner, face the situation honestly to ask him what you observe and how this situation makes you feel. Approach the conversation in a assertive tone, avoiding reproaches. Think that sometimes these things just happen. That is, it does not mean that that person is using you in a conscious way but that, simply, they may be deceiving themselves.
Think of yourself and your well-being. If you want to fight for a love story but you do not receive the same reciprocity, you will suffer. For this reason, a farewell is therapeutic so that each one can continue with her life.
In addition, you not only have to pay attention to the words of that person, but also to the actions of her. Since he may express many beautiful messages to you, however, his actions tell you otherwise.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
