The resentment is that feeling that is generated in a person when he has felt offended, deceived and / or mistreated for other. All the people throughout our lives have felt at some point that someone has not behaved with us in fair way and we have felt little valued by that person, this generates anger and we are left with a bad sensation. However, when that negative feeling becomes chronic and it becomes impossible for us to remove that intense anger, resentment appears and also brings us consequences.
In this Psychology-Online article we discover you how to overcome resentment towards your partner. We are going to provide you with a series of recommendations so that you can put aside those negative emotions that you feel towards your partner and that have not allowed you to live calmly over time.
This type of situation is common that is generated in the couple bond since the more important the person who has done us the damage is for us, the greater the resentment that we may experience if we do not manage it correctly. There are ways to learn to manage those negative emotions towards the partner that ultimately cause us more harm to ourselves than to her, it is simply a matter of taking them seriously and putting them in practice.
But, what are the reasons why this feeling of resentment towards the partner may arise? Next we will mention the most common reasons for which this feeling can be generated in couples.
- Infidelity. Infidelity is one of the main reasons why resentment towards the partner can arise. When a person is unfaithful to her partner, he is breaking that important pact that he has exclusively with her, so they usually feelings of anger, sadness, frustration appear in the affected person, the person feels worthless, mistreated and disappointed. This causes it to become a very difficult situation to forgive and overcome that undoubtedly gives rise to resentment towards the partner begins to appear as the trust that may have existed in the partner has deteriorated other.
- Not expressing what you feel in due course. On some occasions when there are conflicts or disagreements with the partner, some people tend not to express their thoughts and feelings at that moment and let it pass. It may be that by not generating more conflict, although at that moment they are angry they even end up staying with that anger and not expressing it by pretending not to give it importance. The other person does not find out or is not aware that the other person's acting affects the other person and continues to act in the same way a way which is generating each time in the other that that feeling that he already had increases until it becomes resentment.
- Being abused by the partner. There are people who may be abused by your partner either psychologically or physically and that they cannot put a stop to it even though it is what they most want. These people let the other humiliate him, constantly make fun of him, belittle him, etc. This over time, the more the person is letting do harm, it generates a feeling of sadness and especially anger towards the other for the injustice that he is committing which undoubtedly easily becomes resentment.
- Unsafety. Insecure people feel threatened by others even if they are not hurting them. There are couples in which one of the members develops very well in certain areas and has more skills than the other also wishes develop and instead of wanting to learn from her and feel proud of her achievements, the insecure person feels extremely threatened and undervalued. This causes that as more achievements notice that her partner has, jealousy and envy appear in her that can turn into rancor.
If you want to learn to overcome resentment towards your partner, here are some good tips that can help you. They are as follows:
Express what you feel
To overcome resentment towards the partner it is necessary to express to the other person what we feel, tell him the reason for our anger and why he has not made us feel offended and undervalued. We should not keep that resentment and that anger to ourselves, if the person has really hurt us he has to know it since telling him will also take a burden off us.
Accept what happened
One of the issues that makes it more difficult to overcome the situation is not being able to accept what happened. Accepting what happened will help us to have another perspective towards it and finally over time it will alleviate the resentment that has appeared in us. Must remember that nobody is perfect, all people make mistakes and we make mistakes, it is human to do so.
Whether to finally forgive the partner or not will depend on ourselves and the situation, for example if it is a person who accepted their error, that he asked us for forgiveness and is doing everything possible to remedy what he did, if we decide we can continue with the relationship. On the other hand, if the person does not show real regret and continues without improving the situation, they will also be in we continue or not, however we run the risk of feeling offended again and that the resentment increases even further more.
Stop focusing on the past
If, after having expressed what you feel to your partner and having decided to forgive her, you keep thinking about things and focusing solely on what happened, it is very difficult for them to really move towards forgiveness and overcoming the resentment. You must make an effort to keep your attention focused on what is happening in the present moment and stop torturing yourself for what happened that only causes you more damage.
Remember that the only thing that matters in this life is what is happening to you here and now, enjoy what you are living moment by moment and realize that it has nothing to do with that past that at some point tormented.
Discover the learning behind that experience
Remember that behind every bad experience there is great and valuable learning. All the experiences we have throughout our lives give us something very positive that helps us to continue improving every day and growing as people.
So it is necessary that we let's stop focusing on the negative impact that he had a certain situation for us at that time and we manage to find him that learning that he has left us. So every time you have a bad experience instead of asking yourself why? Better to ask yourself, why did this happen to me? What do I have to learn?
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
