When we speak of fear of commitment, we refer to the fear that a person shows to establish and maintain a long-term relationship. It is an irrational fear that disables the person who suffers from it to move on with their partner and start to move towards common goals and objectives for fear of losing their freedom and independence, among others things. Despite the fact that the person loves his partner and deep down wants to become more involved, the fear he experiences is so great that it generates a great anxiety and it is impossible for him to commit himself.
That is why in this Psychology-Online article we are going to discover you how to overcome fear of commitment And, for this, we are going to give you a series of tips that, if you carry them out, you can begin to face that fear that is limiting you so that in the end you can overcome it.
If you have ever wondered how to overcome the fear of commitment, it is because you are ready to start face that fear that is surely limiting your life and does not allow you to feel fully in your relationship. It could also be the case that you are not currently in a relationship but nevertheless want to start one pretending that it is long-term and fully enjoy it.
There are a number of characteristics of people with fear of commitmentHowever, they do not all act in the same way. Some of the main features are as follows:
- They are very independent and they are distressed to find themselves before the possibility of depending on another person.
- When they notice that the relationship is becoming more formal, they flee, even ending up with the couple completely.
- They generally want have everything under controlThey are indecisive and rigid in their dealings.
- They find it difficult to express their own emotions and feelings.
- They value their freedom too much and put it above all else, what they fear most is losing it.
- They are uncomfortable with the intimacy and closeness of other people.
- Some people tend to to close in on themselves and avoid meeting more people.
- They focus only on themselves and on achieving their personal goals, generally work and their hobbies, the rest consider it secondary.
- They have a lot fear of changes and to get out of your comfort zone.
- Sometimes they tend to adopt as a defense mechanism falling in love with impossible people or platonic loves in order to pretend show others and themselves that they really do try to have a stable relationship but that nevertheless it is impossible get it.
- Some like to live together, go out, they can have details and attention with people but they are very afraid of losing their freedom. They believe that they are committed they are going to get into a problem from which they will not be able to get out.
- They believe that the person they date who now acts charmingly will later become jealous, possessive, and demanding.
- Deep down they may be feeling lonely and empty.
There are many reasons why a person may experience fear of commitment, some of the main ones are the following:
- Fear of not being able to maintain a serious long-term relationship due to the lack of security in itself.
- Fear of taking the risk involved in committing to another person since there is always the possibility of failure. This fear usually comes from low self-esteem.
- There are people who, because they have not reached sufficient emotional maturity, fall in love with the feeling of falling in love more than the person they fall in love with. They like to stay with the feelings caused by falling in love (which is temporary) and they are not capable of loving in a mature way and fully committing to another person.
- There are people who avoid committing due to the exaggerated fear generated by the thought that they could be abandoned. They have the belief that if they give their love to another person unconditionally, they may at some point get bored and leave them.
- Because they are indecisive people who want to control everything, they are afraid of make a wrong decision by making a commitment as they may regret having made it and then it is too late to change their mind.
- They have learned to perceive commitment as something purely negative and associate it with loss of freedom, monotony, boredom, responsibility, sacrifice, etc.
- They are afraid that someone else will know them as they are. They project a idealized image of themselves through their physical appearance, speech, work, etc. and for ego reasons they don't want to lose that status and have them see their dark side.
- They have the belief that the one who surrenders in the relationship 100% is the one who is going to suffer the most.
In this other article of Psychology-Online we discover good tips to be happy with your partner and that you banish fears to the background.
These tips will help you know how to overcome the fear of commitment, so it is recommended that you put them into practice and make an effort if you want to achieve it. You have to know that if you have this deep-rooted fear it will not always be easy for you to do it but with the necessary motivation it is never impossible.
Accept that you are afraid of commitment
You have to accept that there is this fear in you, recognize it, keep in mind that you have it but that you still want to overcome it. This is the most important step for change, because in order to change some aspect of our life, a personal situation and / or face a fear, we must first accept that we have it.
Identify your fears
Once you have accepted that you are afraid of commitment and recognized that you want to overcome it, you have to learn to identify what your fears are specifically and where they come from. For example, if you have identified that one of your fears is being abandoned by your partner, from there you can start to analyze where comes that fear of abandonment, it may be that you were previously abandoned by another person or by your parents when you were a child, etc.
Recognize how your fears are limiting you
After having made a little reflection about your fears and you have become aware of what they are Specifically and where they come from, you have to recognize in what way they are limiting you and what they are preventing achieve.
Continuing with the previous example, the fear of being abandoned by your partner is preventing you from committing to that person and by not doing so you are denying yourself the opportunity to fully experience the pleasure of love, to have a person by your side whom you can trust and with whom you can share many important moments in life. lifetime. Maybe you also want to start a family later, and the fear of compromise limits you from being able to do it.
See the silver lining of committing
Recognize that committing to another person not only have negative aspects. To everything there is always a positive and a negative side, however when committing to a loved person is about, the positive outweighs all negative, so it is worth daring. Keep in mind that we all like to love and be loved and that knowing that there will be someone who is there to you, who considers you your life partner and someone special and important, can fill you with a great joy.
Focus on the present moment
Your fears and insecurities are the product of your thoughts and beliefs about the future, what may or may not happen to you. The truth is that nobody can know with a certain science what is going to happen to him, we can even plan what What are we going to do the next day or in a few hours and no matter how much we plan, things may not happen So. The only thing we really have for sure is this moment, the present moment.
So if you want to overcome the fear of commitment and achieve it, every time you start wanting anticipate through your thoughts what may or may not happen, bring your mind back to this moment. You will realize that nothing bad is happening now, that it's about living life and enjoying and that for this you have to learn to let yourself go.
So focus on what you want, compromise with someone if you prefer, and give yourself the opportunity to experience the pleasure of love and the closeness of another person.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
