My PARTNER is EXTENDED, what do I do?

Many times, romantic relationships tend to bring us a lot of happiness, stability, understanding and comfort. Loving another person can give you a lot of knowledge, both social and personal, it can help you know you much better and take into account the emotions and thoughts of the other person and, above all, empathy. At times, relationships can go through moments of crisis, at times when one of the components of the couple is not well within the relationship or is overwhelmed. It is for this reason that we have to be very attentive to what is happening to the other person in order to help them to be better or to change some behaviors that we may be initiating that could be the cause of your discomfort. In this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about what to do if your partner is overwhelmed both at the beginning of the relationship and in the coexistence process and its possible causes.

Index

1. Why is a person overwhelmed?
2. Is it normal to get overwhelmed when starting a relationship?
3. Is it normal to be overwhelmed with living together as a couple?
4. What to do when a person is overwhelmed?

How can you identify that a man or a woman is overwhelmed? When one component of the couple is overwhelmed, she tends to be more distant, absent, not so loving as in previous moments of the relationship. As is to be expected, behind this stress there may be different causes that could explain this change in the behavior of your loved one.

Next, we will detail the possible reasons why your partner may be overwhelmed within your relationship:

• Jealousy: Jealousy can be a very powerful source of discomfort and conflict within the couple since mistrust can overwhelm your partner. Jealousy is fundamentally based on insecurity in oneself and feeling threatened by other people that you think can occupy your place in the relationship, it is for this reason that it is an issue that has to be worked on and analyzed to avoid these situations. In this article we talk about why jealousy occurs in the couple and how to eliminate it.
• Emotional dependenceBeing deeply dependent on your partner can cause you to only want to be both physically and emotionally with that person, demanding and asking for your partner's attention. In addition to feeling very attached and in need of that person, the other component of the relationship can be feel with a lot of responsibility and overwhelmed since, it is difficult to leave a personal space and growth individual.
• Not having quality individual time: It is closely linked to the cause that we have mentioned above since, the fact of not having your space, your moments of disconnection, of not Focusing on yourself to feel better as an individual can cause the other person to feel suffocated and stressed with the relationship.
• Previous relationships: your partner focusing too much or remembering too often your past relationships with other people or your past, can become very overwhelming and tired since, you cannot live in the past or remembering it at all times, we can only learn from he.
• Future plans: having different plans for the future or planning it and commenting on it at all times can awaken this state. It is clear that we must consider our future and more when you are in a relationship and want to have it with that person, but Above all, we must focus on the present and give importance to what we are experiencing with our partner in this precise moment. East couple test It will help you reflect on the future of your relationship.

Starting a relationship with a person is a difficult process that, at times, can overwhelm us since we face many situations that can become complicated. Getting to know a person in a deeper way requires time and dedication, in addition, the personal expectations that you we put into a relationship they have to be real and they have to match those of the person with whom we want to form a new one relationship.

Common interests or individual values ​​in a couple tend to be quite similar, so if we are meeting a person and they do not meet our expectations, we can become overwhelmed and disappoint. Being in a couple usually requires dedicating time and attention to the other person, who give him a portion of the time you used to spend on yourself. We are not referring to the fact that when you meet a person you have to stop doing everything that you like and that produces happiness, but you start to spend your time on other things, such as being with this person and making plans with them and change this dynamic or way of functioning can become stressful.

Living with one person is not always easy, we have to think that two people get together in the same home people with different customs, different ways of thinking, behaving and different ways of seeing life. Living and sharing a house entails many responsibilities and tasks that, if they are not distributed equitably or certain agreements are not established, they can lead to conflicts between the couple. In addition, the fact of living in a space as intimate as this with another person, can lead to having a reduced individual space, so, at times, it can be stressful or overwhelming.

These situations and discomforts can appear in the initial moments of coexistence since, the two people they have to adapt to this new way of working, but it can also arise from having lived together for a long time. Anyway, have good communication within the couple and be able to express your thoughts, your concerns, what bothers you and what you would like to improve to feel better, could help your partner understand you and change this situation. In this article we explain some keys to a good coexistence as a couple.

What to do when a man is overwhelmed? How can you help your girlfriend if she is overwhelmed? When your partner tells you that he / she is overwhelmed and the reason is you, we have to activate our alarms and see what we can change in order to help our partner. Next, we propose different tips to try not to overwhelm your partner:

1. Respect your space

Give him time so that he can breathe, think, reflect, disconnect and focus on himself. Sometimes, in times of stress, it is very necessary for your partner to understand that you need your own space, to be able to approach the problem from a different perspective.

The couple may truly be invading all their space and all of us need to maintain a balance between the different areas of life: work, family, partner, friends, leisure, self-care ...

2. Be understanding

It is normal for us to be overwhelmed, it has happened to everyone at some point in life. For this reason, the first thing to recover your overwhelmed partner is to try to accept and understand what that person is going through and to have empathy and sensitivity.

3. Improve your self-esteem and confidence in him / her

Jealousy can be a reason why your partner is overwhelmed since it is an issue that can weigh heavily on your relationship. Therefore, it must work self-esteem of one / a to get to have confidence and security in your partner that avoids situations of jealousy.

4. Not controlling your partner

Not controlling social networks or everything your partner does will bring many more benefits since your Your partner will feel freer, that you trust him / her more and you will leave him / her more space to improve. In a relationship there must be freedom, your partner must be able to be who he is and how he is. If you don't like the way it is, then it will be difficult to have one healthy couple relationship.

5. Improve communication

It is the most basic pillar of any relationship. Let there be a good communication between the couple During these moments, it will help you to understand each other better and to know what the needs of each one are.

6. Break the routine and experiment

Your partner may be overwhelmed by routine, daily activities and responsibilities. It is also important to know how to communicate when we feel this way and to seek solutions. One of the solutions to win back your partner may be to break the routine and try new experiences. Below you will find a video on how to surprise your partner.

7. Assess whether the burden is due to other factors

If you already respect their space, you are understanding, you do not control your partner and you have good communication, they may not be overwhelmed or overwhelmed by anything that has to do with you, but with him or her. You may feel overwhelmed because you have doubts about the relationship, because you are afraid of commitment, or because you have met someone else. We cannot know this unless our partner is totally sincere and honest with us.

If you are already acting in an empathetic and assertive way, It may be that the problem belongs to the other person and that it is not up to you to change their burden. If this burden lasts a long time and is not solved, if you see that it does not depend on you and that your partner is not involved in the solution, perhaps it is time to consider leave the relationship.

Being overwhelmed can be a common situation in our society, but we should not normalize this situation. We have to listen to each other and behave in a healthier and more assertive way to avoid being overwhelmed by our partners.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My partner is overwhelmed, what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Gottman, J.M. and Silver, N. (2012). Seven golden rules for living as a couple. A comprehensive study on relationships and coexistence. Madrid: Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial España.