Love songs and romantic movies show us a misconception of what a romantic relationship is. Give everything for the other, put our goals in the background to put our partner ahead and even come to think that our life without the other would be nothing.
These ideas are far from a healthy relationship, as they are based on dependency, jealousy and possession. Quite the opposite of what it really should be. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article, we want to show the characteristics of healthy love and how to have a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship is built on these pillars:
Love and admiration
We start from the basis that without love there is no relationship to talk about. But also, when we observe a couple who have a healthy relationship, we realize the admiration they profess. Love is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. Passion comes and goes but love and affection continue. And admiration is essential. If we do not admire anything about the other person we will lose interest. That is why superficial relationships often fail.
Respect
In a healthy relationship, and in life in general, respect for the other is essential. It is not necessary to agree on everything with someone to respect it, respect their ideas and choices. This does not mean that we cannot get angry or argue, but we must not lose respect for the other, but dialogue.
The dialogue
To have a healthy relationship it is necessary talk about the problems that are emerging in the relationship. As we will see later, the attitude in these conversations is fundamental, the way in which the message is transmitted and the way to receive it from the other.
The trust
Trust improves the knowledge of the other, improves dialogue and gives us security. If there is no trust, jealousy, fear and estrangement may appear. In the following article you can see What is jealousy in psychology.
Freedom and independence
The members of the couple are free and should feel that way. They are to choose to be in the relationship and to make their own decisions. Dependence on the partner or having to ask for permission and approval eliminates freedom and prevents us from being who we are. We must conserve our own space, our goals, our dreams and our opinions.
How to have a healthy relationship? Below we list 12 keys for a good relationship:
1. Set limits
Today there are many types of couple. There are open couples who have relationships with other people outside the couple, there are exclusive ones, there are others who at a certain point in the relationship are willing to make changes, others talk about polyamory… Everything is fine if the two members agree and make their decisions freely. At the beginning of the relationship, the limits you are not willing to go through should be established so that the other knows them and takes them into account. And throughout the relationship they can be reviewed and adapted to new stages.
2. Meet your partner
Know what your character is like, what your concerns are, your goals, etc. Know what you like and what you don't. How has your childhood been, what relationship you have with your family and friends. How you usually react to problems. The more a couple knows each other, the better the communication and the relationship in general.
3. Common space and own space
In a relationship there must be 3 differentiated spaces: a personal space for each of the members of the couple, to do what we like or to be with other people such as friends or family. It is not necessary to do all things together. And then there must be a common space in which they develop as a couple, spending time together, performing common hobbies and everything that involves the day to day and the life of the couple as such.
4. Liberty
Our partner it does not belong to us. It is not an object that we can possess. He is a completely free person who has chosen to be with us and he should be. It is not about making prohibitions but about making each day, of all the people around, choose us.
5. Good communication
The way you communicate is essential. When we want to express something or disagree, it is advisable to use messages me. This is talking about how we feel about the issue at hand. We should not use accusatory messages (“you have made me”, “you have said”), nor put labels (“you are such”), nor the words “always” and “never” because it is not usually true. Here you can read more information about How to improve communication in the couple.
6. Life projects
It is convenient to be clear about the position of the couple on issues such as marriage, having children and other important decisions. The members of the couple should walk in the same direction so as not to limit the wishes of the other. In the event of such disagreements, we recommend that you read this article: My partner does not want to have children, what do I do?
7. Jealousy
You have to keep them at bay. Jealousy breaks relationships, makes us and our partner feel bad. If you have jealousy problems, go to a psychologist because they can be treated. They are usually product of insecurity and / or low self-esteem.
8. Nurture your relationship
Relationships must be cared for. They take time and dedication and a little ingenuity when they get monotonous. Get out of the rut with new ideas. Do not forget to make your partner feel good, show love and affection, listen to you and support you. This must be done by the two members of the couple, both of you must give and receive.
9. Ask for forgiveness and forgive
We are not perfect and we make mistakes. Asking for forgiveness is not easy but it is necessary. Like knowing how to forgive. If it costs you, try these tips to learn to forgive.
10. Couples therapy or group therapy
We are used to going to therapy only when things go wrong, but it is interesting to go every so often to put on the table some problems that may have arisen. Or just to work on some aspect of the relationship. In group couples therapy, you learn a lot from other couples and practice activities that strengthen the relationship.
11. Teamwork
A healthy couple works as a team. When one of the members is more down, the other encourages him and lifts him up.
12. Sex
The importance that each couple gives to sex is different. But whether it is more or less important to you, talking about sex naturally and confidently will bring you a greater connection and a better understanding. In this article you will find more information about the importance of sexuality in the couple.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
