Emotional independence occurs in those people who are able to carry out their life and personal relationships in a mature and balanced way without emotionally depending on anyone. Emotional dependence supposes the opposite, a pathological behavior that deprives the person of a free, real and sincere and subjects her to the need to depend on the care and acceptance of a third person on whom her own calm and wellness.
In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to deal with the issue of emotional independence and dependence and the way in which a state of greater emotional independence can be consolidated. Let's see what is emotional independence and how to work it.
Emotional independence refers to an internal attitude by which a person can carry on with her life without depending on anyone else. For this concept to be well defined, it is important to note that this notion of independence assumes that the human being is a social being that needs relationships with others to have a healthy standard of living
There are people who have greater or lesser degrees of emotional dependence understanding this, as we have commented, as an attitude and behaviors with a certain degree of pathology as long as that does not allow them to function autonomously unless it is in conjunction with a certain person of their life.
If you are emotionally dependent, it is normal for you to ask yourself: "Why am I emotionally dependent?" Emotional dependence is due, in most cases, to a constant need to be cared for, taken into account and cared for by others. Let's see the two main causes:
Emotional deficiencies in childhood
Emotional dependence usually occurs in people who have suffered certain emotional deficiencies during their childhood and, as a defense mechanism for fill the void that they felt at that time with respect to the expected and not obtained maternal / paternal love, they act by "hooking" on certain persons as a way to obtain that love and care so longed for.
Overprotection in childhood
Other cases of emotional dependence can occur in people whose caregivers have been excessively overprotective, without allowing the person to develop autonomously and independently regarding its vital functioning. In both cases, those affected become emotionally dependent people. In the following article, we talk about the Consequences of child overprotection.
How do you know if a person is emotionally dependent? Here you can make a Emotional dependence test.
How can you help people to achieve their emotional independence, understanding this as a way of life in which we interact in cordial, respectful and sincere way with our neighbors but mature enough not to get hooked or depend on any person? Next, we will explain how to achieve emotional independence.
1. Attend to affective needs in childhood
For this process to occur naturally in people, it is essential to correctly attend to affective needs during childhood through adolescence. In the different stages of this period, children and young people need certain modes of emotional interaction that, if given correctly, They will grant sufficient emotional maturity to be able to relate openly with people for the rest of their lives, with assertiveness, empathy and independence. emotional. If we want to educate our children with this objective, it will be important that we advise, inform and / or let us learn what these real needs of children and adolescents are and how to address them in a favorable.
2. Work on emotional independence in adulthood
How to have emotional independence? Let's see the keys to creating emotional independence:
- Become aware. In the case of people who suffer from emotional dependence, the way to break this self-destructive way of life will be to help said people to become aware of their behavior.
- Analyze the cause. From here, it will be important to indicate to them the way in which this means of survival was created and established in them for, showing them the limitations that living in this way supposes them.
- Personal work. Accompany them in the process of personal reconstruction that will allow them to fill the inner void.
- Heal past wounds. In this article, we explain How to heal emotional wounds from the past.
- Encourage healthy relationships. Adopt a new way of life that is healthier and more balanced with themselves and with their environment.
- Authoremotional responsibility. Learn to take care of your own needs and emotions.
- Change irrational beliefs. Here we explain What are limiting beliefs and how to eliminate them.
- Psychotherapy. The accompaniment process in this awareness and in the adoption of new, more independent behaviors will be fundamental in the consolidation of emotional independence.
- Information and readings. Some authors who can help us in this process of accompaniment or development of our own emotional independence can be Laura Gutman and Walter Riso They are two of the authors who, with their books, can help us progress in the complex process of liberation and emotional independence.
An example would be that of a person whose emotional state depends on the attention and care he receives from her partner. In this case, the person in question will be shown how their behavior exempts them from taking responsibility for their own instability indicating how her own behavior has been, based on irrational beliefs based on childhood deficiencies (if they take care of me, love and they serve worth, if not, no, etc.) which gives rise to a behavior of emotional dependence that does not allow them to be free and act in a healthy and mature way with her partner.
In this article, you will find more information about how to overcome emotional dependence.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
