7 Tips on how to act when your PARTNER chooses their FRIENDS before you

First of all it is important to answer this question honestly: Are you really choosing them before that you or just try to spend time with them too and that you do not become the only person who go? The answer we give will be of vital importance to be able to work both on ourselves and on the relationship that we are forging together.

It is not the same that your partner stays with your friends, but also dedicates time to you, than if your partner only stays with his friends and no longer wants to spend time with you or cannot find him for several weeks. Then,what to do if your partner prefers your friends over you? How can you get rid of that feeling that he doesn't spend time with you? In this Psychology-Online article, we explain it to you and give you some tips to cope with jealousy in these situations.

Index

1. How friends influence relationships
2. Why your partner chooses his friends before you
3. What to do when your boyfriend prefers his friends
4. How to overcome jealousy when your partner chooses his friends

Your partner's friends are part of their closest social environment and they are important to him or her, so he or she wants you to have a good relationship and respect them. If you don't have a good relationship with their friends or you don't respect their space with them, it is likely that conflicts will start to appear because of it.

Thus, friends may not have a direct influence on the relationship, but if are present crosswise. In the end, when your partner has a problem with you, it will be them who they will go to and who will tell them about what worries or disturbs them, both about you and about other aspects of their life.

At other times, we may find friends who show direct influence by interacting in the relationship more than we would like, to the point that they pretend to make important decisions. In this case, it is important to speak with our partner from an assertive perspective, with a calm tone and set limits on certain behaviors which can be destabilizing and toxic.

If the question arises as to why your partner chooses their friends over you, this may be happening for several reasons:

• You need your space and spend time with yours: It is healthy for a person to be able to spend time with their friends outside the core of the couple. It reinforces his self-esteem and independence and makes him feel free.
• You feel comfortable with them: Surely you have had many experiences with your friends throughout your life, they know how you are and they understand you at first, without having to give more explanations than necessary.
• Helps you get out of the relationship rut: is something different that has nothing to do with you.
• It doesn't have to be a lack of love: Yes, it is true that in some cases it could be because the love between the couple has ended and this is a way of running away from problems. However, it is not common. She simply needs to spend time with her friends and spend quality time with them just like she does with you.
• common hobbies: it could be that with his friends he shares hobbies that you do not and you do not have to force yourself to they like, he will simply spend time with them to do different things than he does with you.

Almost always the answer is not the boyfriend or friends, but that your partner may want to go out alone from time to time and that does not mean that he loves you less.

If you find yourself in the situation where your partner often chooses their friends over you, we recommend following these tips:

1. think cold: do not get carried away by those negative thoughts, or by your emotions or blockages. If you feel that your imagination invades you with details that you cannot imagine, or irrational fears begin to appear, do not be afraid to ask your partner about some details. Don't forget that you don't have to do the third degree either, generating an awkward situation just because it has hanging out with friends, he simply shows interest in what he does and I'm sure he'll explain it to you with enthusiasm.
2. Boost your self-esteem with positive thoughts: when you notice that negativity invades you, pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head and replace them with positive ones that make you feel better. Think that if your partner has chosen you, it is not a casual decision. He's done it because he's seen something in you that other people haven't, and if you're ever in doubt, you can let him know.
3. Keep your space for you and yours: It is important that, just as your partner stays with his friends, you also have space to be able to do what you like both alone and with your family without your partner being present. That will reinforce your self-esteem, your independence and will mean that when you are together you will spend quality time.
4. Spend quality time with your partner: Finding the balance between having intimate moments and doing activities or discovering new ones with your partner is important, just as it is that both of you have your separate space. Take advantage of the time you spend together to enjoy it in a pleasant way.
5. learn to be alone: it is important to know how to manage the moments in which your partner may have plans with other people, or other commitments in which you will not be present, and you have to stay at home. Not every time your partner has other plans you will be able to make your plans for the same moment, so we must understand that this can happen and can help strengthen the couple's relationship. You can take the opportunity to disconnect or reconnect with yourself.
6. Build trust in your partner: It may bother you that he hangs out more with his friends for fear of what he might do or because you have the feeling that he doesn't explain everything to you. In that case, it will be important for you to consider why you do not trust him or her and what you can do to change that. In this article, we tell you how to regain trust in your partner.
7. Increase communication between you: If something bothers you or you don't like, let them know. People cannot guess what is going through the heads of others at all times or we can not understand or misunderstand certain indirect phrases. That is why communication is very important. Avoid misunderstandings and facilitate conflict resolution. Discover how to improve communication in the couple.

If you notice that what you feel when your partner hangs out with his friends is jealousy, it is important that you know that they are the result, in most cases. occasions, of fears, lack of self-esteem, insecurity or by irrational negative thoughts that do not usually have any basis. If you think this may be your case, we recommend you consult this article on how to raise self esteem.

When you act like a jealous person, provoke anger, frustration and rejection in your partner, that is, situations that can lead you more easily to what you are so afraid of. If your jealousy causes constant arguments when you get home, he will try to spend as little time possible at home, he will stay with his friends more and increase the behavior of what you did not want him to do. happened.

In these cases, to overcome jealousy when your partner chooses his friends, it is important to carry out the following actions:

• Work in increase your self-esteem.
• Being aware of the thoughts you have and question whether they are really grounded or irrational.
• Work on dismantling the romantic idea we have of love.
• Promote your autonomy and independence within the relationship.
• Stop trying to control what does not depend on you.

In this article you will find more information about Why do we feel jealous of our partner? and what to do to control them.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do when your partner chooses their friends over you, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Guzmán, M., & Contreras, P. (2012). Attachment styles in couple relationships and their association with marital satisfaction. Psykhe (Santiago), 21(1), 69-82.