The affection in the couple is considered by Rivera, Díaz and Flores (1986) or Medina, López and Valdovinos (2005) among others, as one of the most important social and affective characteristics that, both in men and women, that we seek to find in the other. Either to maintain a stable and formal closed relationship, as in partners with a more open or unrestricted relationship.
That is why the vast majority, at the beginning of relationships, are more affectionate. As the relationship progresses, it can happen that one of the couple or both stop being affectionate, a reason that generates great concern in the part of the couple that has this perception. If you want to know the answer to your question "Why my partner is not affectionate and what to do?", don't hesitate, read on! In this Psychology-Online article we explain it to you.
Some of the main causes that can make our partner not be affectionate from the beginning of the relationship or stop being so at a specific point, could be the following:
experiences proasted
Either because he has had negative experiences in other relationships where being loving has taken its toll, or good because he is "tired" of showing that side of himself so that later "they hurt him or break his heart". We may even find the cause to be the family relationship and the attachment style that he had in childhood with his parents or the adult of reference.
Cultural differences
It is important to keep in mind that each culture has its own ways different from showing affection for the other person. In Latin American countries or in some Hispanic countries in southern Europe, people are much more prone to show affection explicitly both through words and through gestures and petting.
However, in other countries, for example, those in northern Europe, physical contact to show affection is not so common. We can also see variations, in addition to differences between countries, according to the religion in which they were raised We can see that there are women and men who are not very affectionate, with different ways of showing affection in the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist religion.
communication difficulties
It may be that their way of showing affection is totally different from yours and that you should look for that common language in your partner where each one can show the love or affection that she has for you, but in turn, both of you feel that you are receiving it.
"Fortune Teller's Fallacy"
It happens as a couple and it happens in other types of relationships. There is a tendency to think that the other person should know what and how we want things without explaining anything beforehand, and that is not possible. We must always try to keep in mind that what we do not say or explain, the other person does not have to be aware of our needs or ideas.
In this case, our post How to improve communication in the couple it can be of great help to you.
Lack of self-esteem and insecurity in the couple
That you think that your partner does not show you affection as you would like it may be a sign that you need their approval to be sure that they have that affection for you. If you need to work on your esteem to improve your relationship, maybe our article will help you What is emotional independence and how to work on it.
Lack of time and stress
Sometimes we have many other things in mind apart from the couple that make it difficult to really dedicate all the time we need, we feel stressed and having to be aware of dedicating time and showing affection to another person takes a back seat.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
